The AWEIRDstocats Part 1

PARIS 2009

It was a beautiful day in the Paris countryside, in the wealthy neighborhood. A white horse with a pink mane and tail with creamish-white colored ends, and wearing a sky blue baseball cap with a magenta brim was pulling a fancy coach. It was being driven by an odd-looking young adult, half of his skin being white, the other being black. He wore a dark yellow suit, with a purple top hat with a small golden yellow plume on it. One of his eyes was yellow, and the other was purple. His hair matched his skin, and was pulled into a low ponytail. In the coach was a teenage girl with chocolate-brown hair in a short ponytail and an elegant magenta gown. She also wore a pair of purple glasses, and a five-colored star hair clip. Also in the coach were one cat, and three kittens. The cat was a girl, and one of the kittens was a girl, the other two being boys.

"Yotsuba, my little one, you're going to be as beautiful as your friend. Isn't she, Maddie?" She was holding the female kitten, which was green with some fur in four pigtails and a pink collar with a white button and a green four-leaf clover on it, plus four pink hair ribbons, one in each ponytail. The cat was blonde-colored, with some fur in a ponytail, and a pink collar with a pink and orange "ZC" on it, plus a pair of dark brown glasses.

"Mew!" Maddie meowed in agreement.

Meanwhile, one of the male kittens was playing with the plumage on the coach driver’s hat, and stepping on his face in the process. He was orange, with a black bowtie and a tiny stovepipe hat with a slate-colored band.

"Careful, Mr. Small! You’re making it very difficult for Dimentio." The teenager said, addressing the kitten. Dimentio smiled a little and lifted Mr. Small off of him.

"Whoa, Shooting Star, whoa! Steady, girl." Dimentio said, slowing down the coach to a stop.

"Thank you, Dimentio." The teenager said, grabbing hold of a package, and something else, as she stepped out of the coach. Shooting Star made a small whinny noise, to get the girl’s attention.

"Oh. Of course, Shooting Star. I almost forgot." She said, giving the horse some oats. She ate them, as she lowered her head, to let the last kitten off of it. He was a black one, who wore white glasses with pink lenses, a blue Dixie cup hat, and a collar that looked like it came from a red turtleneck sweater.

"Jess, uh--may I take your parcel, Jess? It really is much too heavy for you, Jess.” Dimentio said, trying to help.

"Now, tut-tut, Dimentio. Don’t fuss over me." Jess said, walking to the door of her manor.

Meanwhile, the kittens played around Shooting Star’s legs, until Maddie spoke up.

"Glasses, come back here. Haven’t you forgotten something?" Maddie asked him.

"Thank you, Miss Shooting Star, for letting me ride on your back." Glasses said, smiling up at her.

"You are quite welcome, young man." Shooting Star said, chuckling a little.

"How was that, Maddie?" Glasses asked, eager to hear how he did.

"Very good, that was very nice." Maddie said, smiling at him.

"Come along, Maddie, kittens, come along." Jess called from the front door, and added something to Dimentio. "Oh, and Dimentio, I’m expecting my attorney, Zoot Buchanan. You remember him, of course."

"Of course, Jess." Dimentio said, and then added something to himself. "How could anyone forget him?"

Meanwhile, an old and busted up jalopy was trucking down the street. In it was a young man with blue hair, a tan suit that looked like it had seen better days, a light blue scarf, and a dark brow top hat. He was singing to himself.

"Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay Ta-ra-ra-boom-de--"

He stopped singing for a moment, as he almost fell as he got out of the car.

"Oops! Not as spry as I was when I was 25, eh?" he said to himself, and started singing again.

"Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay!"

He entered the house, where Dimentio was waiting at the door for him.

"Ah, good day, Zoot. Jess is expecting you, sir." Dimentio said, taking his scarf from him.

"Evening, evening, Dimentio." Zoot said, and started singing again, as he tossed his hat off his head, and onto Dimentio’s head.

"Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay!

"Oh, another ringer, Zoot. You never miss." Dimentio said, as Zoot started walking up the stairs.

"Come on, Dimentio. Last one up the stairs is a nincompoop." He said, as Dimentio tried to stop him.

"Could we take the elevator this time, Zoot?" Dimentio asked, sounding a little nervous.

"That birdcage? Poppycock! Elevators are for crazy people!" Zoot said, walking up the stairs some more, and almost falling, but Dimentio caught him.

"Oh, uh--may I give you a hand, Zoot?" Dimentio asked, his legs faulting a little due to the added weight.

"You haven’t got an extra foot, have you, Dimentio?" Zoot said, laughing a little.

"That always makes me laugh, Zoot. Yes. Every time." Dimentio said, forcing out a chuckle and a smile.

By this time, both of them were almost falling.

"Whoa! Oh! Let go of my sleeve!" Zoot said, as Dimentio had tried grabbing onto his sleeve to support himself.

"Careful, Zoot! Oh please! I’m frightfully sorry, Zoot!" Dimentio said. By this time, Zoot was behind Dimentio, and grabbing onto the butler’s suspenders for use like a slingshot.

"Don’t panic, Dimentio!" Zoot said, letting go, and slinging onto Dimentio’s back. "Upward and onward! Whee!"

"Oof!" Dimentio grunted out, as he felt the impact of Zoot on his back, since he was being held onto, as if he was being given a piggy back.

"Am I going too fast for you, Dimentio?" Zoot asked, grasping onto Dimentio as tight as he could.

"Oh please, Zoot! Hold on!" Dimentio strained out, as he painfully walked up the stair, now with Zoot in tow.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Jess was getting ready for Zoot to come in. She still wore the same gown from the coach ride, but now also wore an ice blue feather boa. Maddie and Yotsuba had also had a small change. Maddie's original collar was replaced by a large necklace while Yostuba's collar was replaced with a pink bow tie turned backwards. Glasses’ collar had also been replaced by a blue bowtie.

"There now, Maddie. That’s better. We all must look our best for Zoot. He’s our oldest and dearest friend, you know." Jess said, picking up Maddie, who meowed and nodded in agreement. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. "Come in."

It was Dimentio, who looked like a train hit him. But his suit’s high collar was undone on one side, his hair was practically out of his ponytail, and the elastic in his suspenders had worn, making his pants start to fall down.

"Announcing…Mr…Zoot… Buchanan!" Dimentio said, completely out of breath.

"Oh, my goodness, Dimentio. I know it’s Zoot." Jess said, as Zoot walked in, and the kittens started to play around his legs.

"Jess, my, my, dear." Zoot said, bowing a little.

"So good to see you, Zoot." Jess said, stretching her hand out for Zoot to kiss it, only instead, he grabbed Maddie's paw and kissed it.

"Ah, still the softest hand in Paris." Zoot said, as Maddie smiled, covering her mouth with one of her paws.

"You’re a shameless flatterer, Zoot." Jess said, blushing a little.

Meanwhile, Glasses was spinning the handle on an old antique record player, and "Habanera" from Carmen started playing.

"Momoka, that’s music! It’s from Carmen, isn’t it?" Zoot said, awestruck

"That’s right, it was my favorite show." Jess said, reminiscing.

"Yes, yes! It was opening night when we first met, remember?" Zoot said, getting even more excited.

"Oh, indeed I do." Jess said, sighing lovingly.

"And how we celebrated your success! Iced tea, dancing the night away…" Zoot said, starting to trail off into humming the song, and dancing, eventually grabbing Momoka by the hand to dance (all while she was still holding onto Jess)!

"Oh, Zoot!" Jess said, in surprise of the impromptu dance number. Mr. Small and Yotsuba happily ran around the dancing couple’s legs, while Glasses hitched a ride on the record machine, jumping over the needle when needed. Unfortunately, he missed a jump, tripping the needle off of the record.

"Oh, thank goodness, just in time." Jess exhaustedly said, sitting down on her couch. "Ah, Zoot, we were a pair of sentimental young kids."

Meanwhile, Yotsuba jumped onto the couch, pushing Mr. Small out of the way, so she could get on first, and smiling when she knew that she won. Zoot was still dancing and humming, despite the fact that the music was off.

"Now, Zoot, do be serious. I’ve asked you to come here on a very important legal matter." Jess said, trying to calm him down.

"Wha--? Oh, splendid! Splendid!" Zoot said, sitting behind a desk. “Who do you want me to sue?”

"Oh, come now, Zoot, I don’t wish you to sue anyone. I simply want to make my will." Jess said, completely calm about the manner.

Zoot then put on a pair of sunglasses, and gained a serious face.

"Will, eh? Will. Well. Now, then, who are the beneficiaries?" Zoot asked pulling out a pen.

Jess then spoke up. “Well, as you know, I’m the only Aizawa in France…"

Meanwhile, in the laundry room, Dimentio was ironing his pants (the same ones that Zoot used as a slingshot). The opening for the communication tube was open, so Dimentio was listening into the conversation.

"…And naturally, I want my beloved cats to be always cared for. And certainly no one can do this better than my faithful servant, Dimentio." Jess finished, while Dimentio got wide eyed.

"Dimentio? Jess, you mean to say you're leaving your vast fortune to Dimentio? Everything you possess? Stock and bonds? This-- This mansion? Your country chateau? Art treasures, jewels and--" Zoot asked, but was cut off by Jess (also, at this time, Dimentio was smiling, dancing, and blowing kisses to the tube).

"No, no, no, Zoot, to my cats." Jess finished.

"To your cats?" Zoot asked, making sure this was final.

"Cats?" Dimentio wheezed out, turning pale, and sitting down on a crate.

"Yes, Zoot. I simply wish to have the cats inherit first. Then, at the end of their life span, my entire estate will revert to Dimentio." Jess said, and then the conversation ended, meaning the plan was final. At least, in Jess's case. Dimentio, however, had completely different thoughts.

"Cats inherit first! And I come after the cats. I, me, after-- no. It's not fair! Ooh! I mean, each cat will live about 12 years. I can't wait. And each cat has nine lives, that's four times twelve multiplied by nine times. No it's less than that. Anyway, it's much longer that I'd ever live. I'll be gone. No. Oh, no. They'll be gone. I'll think of a way. Why, there are a million of reasons why I should! All of them dollars. Millions. Those cats have got to go." Dimentio had thought of it. It was perfect. His master plan. He cackled to himself, as he pulled his pants on, only to hear a rip. Yes, that rip was his pants…