The Ex and the Girlfriend

Enterprise had heard the story. Most ships had by now. Her compliments. She loved to brag of Picard's daring maneuver against the unknown "Ferengi" vessel with his previous command, the USS Stargazer NCC-2873. Picard didn't speak of her often which gave Enterprise her head to embellish the tale until it was worthy of legend.

The truth however, was very different. She just never thought she'd learn it...

It started when a Ferengi vessel requested a meeting. For days they said nothing then they brought in a derelict  Federation  starship.

Picard had been complaining of headaches as of late and Enterprise too felt the pain in her head. It was intense, even by her standards, but she learned to ignore her "migraine" as the humans called it.

When the starship approached, Enterprise's pain intensified leaving her and her captain clutching their heads.

The Ferengi ship looked at her with mild concern though there was was a hint of deviousness in her eyes. The starship halted in front of her and upon reading the name and registry on her saucer, bowed low as was custom for her time.

Enterprise grabbed her. "No, no do not bow to me." She said.

"You do not wish it?" The other ship asked, head still bowed.

"I do not deserve it." Enterprise replied. "I may be an Enterprise but that does not make me a God."

She nodded and rose, snapping to attention. "USS Stargazer, NCC-2873 reporting for duty then, ma'am."

It took a moment for Enterprise to move past her shock before she returned the salute. "Very well then, USS Stargazer. Carry on." She ordered...

...

In the conference room, Enterprise listened as for the first time, Picard told the full story of the Battle of Maxia.

"We were in the Maxiun system when this unidentified vessel appeared and opened fire on us, point blank range. It must have been hiding in a moon crater for our sensors never detected it. First hits damaged our shields. No name, no reason. I improvised when the other ship came in for the kill. Stargazer suggested it, she was brilliant!" He gestured to the little ship outside the window.

Stargazer puffed up in pride. Enterprise gave her "the look" and the little starship deflated.

"The Picard Maneuver was a brilliant piece of strategy captain." Enterprise said.

"Thank you Enterprise, but it really should have been called "The Stargazer Maneuver". She deserves all the credit." Picard replied.

Stargazer felt bold enough to offer a cheeky grin to Enterprise who growled in response. Now she knew why Picard never spoke of the Battle of Maxia. Why he never responded to her advances. He was in love, still in love, with this-this cheeky little upstart starship!

Stargazer growled back and immediately took a defensive position. Her curled lips, blazing eyes, and flickering warp nacelles all communicated a clear message to Enterprise. It was as clear as though heard over open hailing frequencies. "He's mine!"

Enterprise copied her stance and the two starships began to circle one another. They were interrupted when Stargazer felt Picard's presence aboard her.

"Hello, old friend." He said.

"Hello..." Stargazer answered shyly as she blushed.

"Captain, I find your last log entry intriguing." Data said. "You said, "We are forced to abandon ship. May she find her way back to us one day." Apparently she has sir."

"Of course I did." Stargazer murmured, love clear in her voice. "I would always come find you."

On board Enterprise, Troi was the only person laughing as the whole bridge shuddered.

"Something you find amusing Councilor?" Riker asked when he recovered.

"Oh just the impulses of female starship hormones." She replied, amused.

Enterprise was forced to watch as Picard and Stargazer courted one another after such a long seperation. She was happy for her captain. She really was. But her own feelings were overwhelming her. She just snarled as her blue eyes blazed with jealousy and her core ached with longing...

"Enterprise!" Stargazer called.

"What is it?" Enterprise managed through gritted teeth. Her captain, starstuck as he was, was now in his cabin with a severe headache. She was liking Stargazer less and less as she became more convinced the little starship was behind her troubles somehow.

Ignoring her hostility, Stargazer continued. "The log was altered." She said. "And I know the Ferengi were behind it. They may well be behind more."

"You're accusing the Ferengi?" Enterprise questioned. "After they so generously gave you back to Starfleet."

"Enterprise, since when have you known a Ferengi to just give something to someone for free?!" Stargazer challenged.

Enterprise conceded. The Constellation-class did have a point. "I'm listening." She said.

"Something from that Ferengi ship was placed aboard me, in Picard's clothes chest. It's somehow affecting Picard, and he's beamed over. The brainwave activity matches the devices..." Stargazer broke off as she too became affected by the device.

She powered up her systems and raised shields. Enterprise dropped into her signature crouch. She had no desire to hurt Stargazer for the fear of injuring the fragile life form she loved so much inside. But she had to stop the starship somehow. She watched Stargazer circle her bow and grinned. The partners had taken their positions. It was time to dance...

Stargazer came around Enterprise's bow just as she had to the Ferengi vessel 9 years ago. Despite her damage she was fully armed and ready to fight. But she wasn't aware she was fighting a Galaxy-class starship.

Enterprise had to call on all her skill to beat the legendary Picard Maneuver. By using her tractor beam she managed to control Stargazer's movement. Picard did the rest.

As the mist from Stargazer's eyes cleared she looked around her. "What in the hell..." She began. Then her gaze fell on her flagship.

Enterprise had a hardness in her gaze she reserved only for disobedient starships. Stargazer, having quite the record for pissing off authority, knew that look only all too well.

"Do you surrender?" The Galaxy-class asked.

"Y-yes. Dear ANcients, what did I do, Enterprise?" Stargazer asked.

"Ferengi." Enterprise replied blandly as if that explained everything, which it did. Stargazer suppressed a snort. Ferengi indeed...

...

Picard took one last look around Stargazer's bridge. "You will make a wonderful museum." He said.

"Or a good addition to Starfeleet. I may have a few years of active service in me yet." She replied. "Jean-Luc. I've been thinking. 9 years is a long time. If things had been different, maybe... But no. The dead should be left in peace and the past should remain there."

"Stargazer..." Picard knew what his ship was saying.

"You know I'm right." She sighed. "You have a new home now. A new ship to look after. Enterprise is a fine lady, worthy of her name. You better not lose her."

Picard nodded. "Until next time old friend."

...

Picard was seriously beginning to consider sending USS Hood to take on towing duties. If only to stop his two ships arguing. Though Enterprise was much ore agreeable now than she was before, something was bound to set her off eventually.

It all started when Stargazer, being the the big brass button pusher she was, complained about t he view. As she was being towed  underneath  Enterprise, naturally the flagship reacted. After all, it was her privates that were being insulted.

"You know you should be more grateful." She was saying.

"For what? Your genitals are hardly fair compensation. They're so small not even a Klingon would be desperate enough to take them." Stargazer was enjoying herself a bit too much, if her smugness was anything to go by.

"What did you say?" Enterprise growled.

Picard groaned. "Something the matter captain?" Troi asked him.

"Yes. If I don't get just one hour of peace and quiet around here, then I really will have a headache!" He growled.

His complaint was heard by neither starship as their arguing merely continued as normal.

When they finally pulled into a starbase, all ships could only stare at their might flagship arguing like a shipling with a small and insignificant Constellation-class vessel. Defiant snapped out her camera.

"This is blackmail gold!" She squealed to herself.

Enterprise whipped her head around to face her. "What was that?" She growled, blue eyes narrowing.

Defiant squeaked and quickly hid her camera. "Nothing! Nothing at all!" She replied. "All's fine here."

Enterprise gave her one last skeptical look before turning back to Stargazer who was only too happy to reengage their argument.

"All's fine indeed." Defiant thought as she filmed.