Ai-kun Builds Gunpla

Three paragraph-long stories joke fanfiction originally from /m/ featuring the mascot of Macross Frontier. This story was saved before the termination of Archive Foolz in August of 2014.

Part 1
One day the incredible Johnny Space Boots came to the Vajra home world and requested that the queens give one of their larva and in return he gives them the most awesome present ever: Cheese. The vajra agreed and Johnny Space Boots took the little larva home to the Zeon Palace of Axis where he taught Ai-kun the art of gunpla building. Once Ai-kun managed to fully construct and paint a perfect grade class Devil Gundam in 6 hours, Johnny Space Boots sent his apprentice to Tokyo where he would partake in the 50th annual Gunpla Fighters Tournament sponsored by Bandai. It would have been moved to last year, but Gamera was arm wrestling the giant RX-78 because he thought Bandai was brainwashing kids or something. Ai-kun used his trusty Beargguy and went up against some Graham Acker fan boy named Alto Saotome and his rather flamboyant Murasame Astray. Flamboyant, but also super FAAAAAAABULOUS! Ai-kun was inexperienced against the veteran fighter, bit his hard work and determination (and combination of putting glue and scotch tape on his model's parts) allowed the not-squirrel alien to win. Alto, being uber angry, peeled off his face to reveal he was actually Basara Nekki and yelled "Listen to my song, mother fucker!" before shooting Ai-kun with an E-11 Blaster Rifle. The judges could have prevented this, but they were too busy eating popsicles. However, Ai-kun did not die, rather he metamorphed into his adult stage and squished Basara like a pancake. Ai-kun put on some giant Kamina sunglasses that came out of nowhere just as Ranka Lee jumped into the somehow not destroyed room and thanked the alien bug for squishing her ex.

The morale of the story? Buy some fucking gunpla and awesome shit will happen. Also you'll get some bitches. The end.

Part 2
After getiin' some, the lovable vajra Ai-kun encountered some guy with a Death Note named Kira Yamato who used an age reversal spell on Ai-kun because he was a colossal dick. Ai-kun, epically PO'd, decided to get revenge (OP OP Gundam Style!). Realizing that no one gunpla model could take out Kira, he decided to combine several gunpla into one, forming Kitbash Gundam. Ai-kun managed to attach an Epyon Heat Rod, a pair of Ashtaron Scissor Claws, a Turn X Moonlight Butterfly, and Qan[T] Gundam's GN Sword onto a G-3 Gundam kit with a GM head because 08th MS Team FTW! Also it could transform into a jet because he was a Macross fan for some reason (gee I wonder why?). Ai-kun faced Kira in his painted and FAAAAAAABULOUS Strike Freedom Gundam. Kira went beam spammy, but Ai-kun used an I-Field powered by pop idol music to block all of it. As Ai-kun was about to attack the Strike Freedom shoved a beam saber right into the cockpit because as gundam laws go: Nothing of matter stops beam sabers ever. However, the mobile suit split vertically in half! Upon which the sides turned into an iron maiden and blew up the Strike Freedom, all with Ai-kun having a little sign saying "Ideon and Gunbuster for the win!" Lacus, Kira's woman, walked up to him and smacked his head off and took his Death Note with a sadistic look in her Shinigami-esque eyes. Ai-kun crawled off as the crowd started cheering the little bug on and even threw underpants in it because....

The moral of this story? Imaginations are fucking awesome so use them.

Part 3
After the defeat of Kira Yamato, Ai-kun had his kit bash on display at some Hong Kong museum because money. Upon coming home to Japan, however, the little alien bug discovered that some place called Tokyo-3 was being attacked by 80 meter kaiju called Shitos. [TL Note: Shito = Angel] For some reason Ai-kun decided to go to Tokyo-3 to confront these Shitos and upon arriving met one named Arael. Arael used his own Absolute Terror Field in an attempt to mind rape Ai-kun, but because he was not an angsty teenager with no discipline he was not affected and Arael's head exploded. It was pretty. Ai-kun was then met with a Shito named Armisael who tried to fuse to Ai-kun, but he was too small. However, Ai-kun knew the Shito was lonely so he proceeded to hug him, giving Ai-kun armor like that of Tekkaman.... Somehow. He walked into Tokyo-3 while punching out Evas 00 to 03, except 01 because Shinji was crying like a bitch because he got no pudding for dessert last night. Gendo commented on how Ai-kun would kick start Human Instrumentality (100,000 dollar pledge?) as the alien bug descended into Central Dogma. He encountered something more horrifying than a masked alien humanoid named after a vampire nailed to a giant cross: Mikono Suzushiro. Upon discovering this horror, Ai-kun's armor started to play HEATS by Jam Project and the shading all over his body went crazy, essentially getting his Obari on. To finish the menace he conjured a magical hammer that yelled "HIKARI NE NARE!" and everything exploded. Third impact happened and it was glorious.

The moral of this story? Shit happens, usually because it looks cool.