User blog:Mrdaimion/Total Daimion Island / Some Feedback?

Welp, this is the fanfic wiki, so might as well post the first chapter to teh story I'm workin' on for feedback:

Chapter One: Not So Happy Campers... (Part One)
The camera started filming an island, with some very... Unusual sights around it. For example, there was a ginormous cliff that touched the heavens, as if to rival it. The cliff had a path paved already for it, and trees lining it, as if the island was prepared in advance for... Something. The camera then dropped down, filming a lake at the bottom of the cliff, and a shark jumping out of the water. The shark noticed the camera, and he waved to it, as if to say: "Hey mom! I'm on TV!" He then landed back in the water, and the camera continued its tour of the island, cutting to the mess hall.

The mess hall, if one can even consider it that, was literally falling apart, a plank of wood that was used for the roof falling off. It zoomed in on the window, and you could see a large man cooking in a boiling pot, him stirring whatever may have been in it around in it. You could see a hand rise from the food slowly, and Chef hit it back down quickly. "I don't get paid enough for this..." You could hear him mutter, barely, under his breath. The camera, just as quickly as it entered, left his presence, and went back to the docks, in which a man was now standing there, brushing through his gray hair with his fingers. He then noticed the camera was filming, so he stopped immediately, and shined his pearly white teeth at the camera, the tiniest bit of sun light reflecting from them. "Welcome current viewers! Right now you're watching the soon-to-be greatest hit show on air, Total Drama Island! Here, we're gathering twenty-two radical contestants to take place in awesome challenges, and I'd tell you them right now, but I'll just so cool I don't have to!" He laughed at the viewers expense, before clearing his throat. "Ha, sucks to be you. Anyway, in the challenges they'll be competing for prizes, usually immunity. Then, they must vote someone off, where they'll walk the dock of shame, catch a ride on the boat of losers, and never come back. Ever. The contestants should be arriving any second now..." A boat pulled into the distance, and Chris was obviously relived by this. "About time..."

The boat went up to the dock, let out a final groan, then stopped, and a camper stepped out. The camper, who was a male, for the record, looked around, up, down, everywhere, like this was all new to him, a finger lodged into his nose. "Ezekiel, dude, wassup?" Chris said, fist-bumping his fist that wasn't "digging for gold". Ezekiel, taking it quite literally, looked up towards the sky. "Well, um, I think I see a bird, eh... And there's a cloud... Oh, and there's a plane, eh... And over the-" Chris halted him mid-sentence. "Dude, that was something I like to call, 'slang'. " He then whispered in his ear. "I know you're all home-schooled and stuff, but don't get eliminated too early, alright?" Before Ezekiel could respond, Chris shoved him away.

The next girl descended out of the boat, and she was wearing braces as she ran up to Chris. "It's so exciting to be here!" She said semi-noisily with a lisp. "Nice to meet you, camper!" Chris said, showing fake enthusiasm that she apparently didn't pick up. "Thanks!" Chris rolled his eyes. "That was a little something I like to call, 'sarcasm'. Boy, I'm surrounded with oblivious idiots aren't I?" She glared at him. "Anyway, go stand next to Ezekiel, Beth." Beth reluctantly walked over to him, and Zeke gave her a meek smile.

The next camper stepped off of the bus, looked around, and rolled his eyes at his surroundings after examining them. "Oh boy, my own little slice of hell. You shouldn't have." He said caustically. "Well, Noah, maybe you should stop having high expectations." Chris responded to him, smirking. Noah rolled his eyes once again, and walked over to everyone else, after deciding it would be better to just ignore him. Chris seemed fine with this. as he simply turned back to the boat.

The next male contestant jumped out of the boat, did a mid-air summer-salt, then rammed into the dock, splintering it into smaller pieces. Everyone on it was able to jump to the island, but the man was damaged. When he surfaced, he made a single noise: "Oww..." Chris glared at the boy. "Well, Tyler, maybe next time you'll think more before you destroy my property. You're lucky I'm not getting you arrested for that." Tyler stroked back to the dock. "Sorry, I guess..." "You better. Now, walk back to everyone else." Tyler grumbled a little, then walked, with a limp might I add, back to everyone else.

Two girls run out of the boat, squealing. "Oh my gosh!" One of them, the skinnier, Latin one said. "This is, like, so amazing!" "I know, right!" The other, obese white one responded. They both starting squealing again, and Chris covers his ears. "Okay, Katie and Sadie, stop. Now. Don't make me eliminate you automatically." He told the duo bitterly. "Like, okay!" They stopped squealing, and they ran over to everyone else. Katie stood next to Noah. "Like, hi!" she said excitedly. Noah rolled his eyes. "... Hi." He went back to reading, and tuned out everything else she said.

The next girl ran out of the boat, bouncing off the walls, if the outside had walls at least. But, since it didn't, she was just... Bouncing... And I mean literally, mind you. "Hey-it's-nice-to-meet-you-all!" The girl said quickly, not bothering to make her words more understandable. She started running around. "Izzy," Chris said, rolling his eyes. "slow down. Make your words more understandable. And make yourself not be annoying. That cool with you?" Izzy apparently, or just acted like, she didn't hear him. Chris rolled his eyes, and Izzy eventually (after five minutes) settled down, and he gave the signal for the next contestant to step out.

A girl carrying a huge, heavy looking bag stepped out of the bus. She threw the bag at Noah, to have him crushed to the ground. "Noah!" Katie cried, trying to push the bag off to no avail. The body-builder stomped over, picked up the bag with a finger, then threw it off. "Wimp..." She muttered. "Well, um, Eva..." Chris said flinching, obviously scared. "You can just set your stuff over there... And stay away from me..." Eva shrugged, and did so, not really caring. Everyone too a huge step back from her, since even Izzy had common sense.

A girl with black and blue dye in her hair stepped onto the island, and she stopped and tapped her foot irritably. "This is not what I signed up for." She said bitterly. "Ah, but it is Gwen, all in the contract." Chris said, holding the contract up. She grabbed it and threw it into the water smirking. Chris then pulled out a copy of it, her smirk fading. "Ever hear of copies?" It was now his turn to smirk at her, and she grumbled and walked to everyone else. "Have a nice stay, Gwen!"

A boy strutted out of the bus next, smiling at Gwen, showing a gap inbetween his two front teeth, "Ladies." He said. Gwen barely contained her laughter. While he was strutting, a picture of a naked women slipped out of his pocket, and it landed gingerly on the ground.He blushed madly and picked it up, stuffing it into his pocket. Gwen stared at him, he exhaled, and took it out then tossed it into the water. "Cody... Dude... Next time, don't bring R rated images to a PG-13 show... 'Kay?" Cody exhaled once more. "Alright..." He walked over to Gwen, who scooted away.

A guy with a guitar walked out of the boat, looking around. His eyes stopped on Gwen, and he smiled and waved to her. Gwen blushed and waved back, much to Cody's dislike. "Trent, dude, what's up?" Chris asked him. "Ah, well, nothing much." He said, walking over to Gwen. They exchanged mindless chit-chat, and this irritated Cody even more. Chris decided to not press Trent to talk, and turned back to the boat.

A blond, as some guys would say, "hottie" walked out of the boat next. She walked around, and looked at Tyler. He saw that she was "checking him out", and he smiled at her. She blushed, and turned her head away. "Welcome Lindsay!" Chris said in his best fake enthusiastic voice he could muster. It wasn't good, but she seemed to buy it. "Hi!" She said enthusiastically. Before Chris could talk to her again, she ran over to Tyler. Chris didn't appear to care, however.

A girl with brown hair walked down the dock, wearing pitch black shades. She tilted them down just enough to see everyone, then scoffed. "This is my competition? Huh, this'll be easier then I thought." She continued to stride across the dock, to be stopped by Chris. "Welcome to the island, Heather!" Chris said, actually enthusiastic this time, as if something was special about this girl. Heather scoffed. "Great, don't care." She kept on walking to the grass before turning around, crossing her arms, and she sat down.

A stereotypical looking ghetto girl came out of the bus, her hips extened behind herself. She walked up over to everyone, looking a little too confident. "Hey y'all, you better give it up cause I'm in it to win it!" She said, acting like she truly thought that. "Well, LeShawana, be careful to not get, I dunno, eliminated?" Chris shoved her away before she could respond, and she glared daggers at him. She was about to respond, however, when Heather yelled at her. "Shut up and come over here!" She yelled at her, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible. LeShawna stormed over to her. "Girl, you do not tell me what to do, nu-uh." LeShawna said. They argued much farther then that, but the producers cut it out, figuring the audience wouldn't like to see half an hour of their cat fight.

A guy with a cowboy hat, tipped over, covering his face walked out of the boat. He started walking up to everyone. "Who's ready to par-tay!" He exclaimed, fist-pumping. There were a few "Yes's" back, which weren't good enough for Geoff. "I said, who's ready to par-tay!" "Not us!" Noah yelled back at him, getting a small amount of laughs from the other campers. "Aww, come on, don't be a party pooper!" Geoff fist-pumped some more, and Noah rolled his eyes. "Geoff. Dude. Give it up." Chris said to him, hurrying him along his way to stand by everyone else.

A gigantic, probably biggest in the competition, dude walked up, looking around. A bird flew onto his shoulder, and he chuckled softly as he pet it. He then turned to the camera and smiled. "Hey mom," he said, grinning from ear to ear. "I'm on T.V!" "Yes DJ, we're all sure your mom cares very much." Chris said, rolling his eyes. "But, unfortunately, we have more important matters. Like, I dunno, you leaving so the next contestant can be introduced." Chris attempted to shove him out of the way, but he was too big. After Chris staring at DJ awkwardly for a moment, he grabbed his bags and walked over to everyone else. "Humph, that's more like it..." Chris muttered.

A red haired, frankly, geeky looking boy stepped out of the bus, readjusting his glasses. He looked around at his surroundings. "Gosh, you totally ripped the idea off of this from Samuel's Survivor Camp..." The boy muttered under his breath. Chris walked up to him. "Shush. This idea is COMPLETLY original." When Harold turned his back, Chris whispered to a cameraman. "Edit that out in the final cut." He turned back to them, and Chris righted himself once more. "Anyway, Harold, go next to everyone else now..." Harold obliged, and he carried his bags over to the fellow campers.

A guy with green and black dye in his hair stomped off of the boat, and glared at Chris. "Huh Chris, and to think I wouldn't be staying in a complete dump." He complained sarcastically to Chris. Chris shrugged. "Better then Juvie, right Duncan? And hey, don't get all angry at me, you're the one who signed the contract." Duncan glared at Chris a final time, gave a pit-bull like snort, then stomped over to everyone else. He picked up Harold by his shirt, and snarled. "Hey nerd." Harold rolled his eyes, and took the beating Duncan preceded to give him.

A girl in a blue hoodie preceded to walk out of the boat, and grasping onto a red and yellow surfboard, walk over to Chris. She laughed softly for a second, then started to speak. "Hey guys." She said. She looked around at the other contestants, and her eyes stopped at Geoff's.Geoff saw her staring and waved at her, with her returning the favor. She smiled, and Chris cleared his throat. "Well, um, Bridgette, you can go to the other contestants now, if you want..." Bridgette immedielty obliged, and walked over to Geoff. They did some mindless chit-chat, and the camera turned back to the boat.

A asian girl stepped out of the bus, her hands touching each other in front of her pants. She stepped over to Chris, and she extended one of her hands. "It's nice to meet you." She said politely. Chris, respectivly, shook it, and preceded to talk. "Welcome to the show Courtney. Anything you'd like to say?" "Well, I guess I'd like to say that it'll be fun competing with all of you... I'm a cop in training, by the way." She said, putting that in mainly to show her value to the team. She walked over to Duncan, and he looked at her. "Hey Sweetcheeks." He said, letting Harold go. Harold scampered away, now almost bleeding. Courtney glared at him. "No, you aren't cute, no, you aren't cool, and for the love of god, there is NO way in hell am I going out with you, alright?" Courtney yelled at him. "Alright, alright I get your point." He put his hands up defensivly, and walked over to Geoff. "She so digs me." He high-fived Geoff, and Courtney rolled her eyes.

Yet another male contestant was trying to arrive, but he was stuck in the door of the boat. "Hey, um, guys?" He pleaded. "Can you please give me some help?" Chris looked over at him, and sighed. He went over to the intern named Billy. "Get me a whole lotta butter." He told Billy, and Billy ran off. About fifteen minutes later, the poor guy finally got out of the door, and he walked onto the island. "Heh, hey guys... Sorry about the whole "butter incident" ... Heh heh..." He said meakly. Chris glared at him. "Don't talk to me, do you have any idea how much butter costs nowadays?" He tried to shove Owen to the other campers, but not unlike DJ, he was far too big to be pushed. "Go." Owen sighed, picked up his bags, and walked over to everyone else.

The final contestant stepped out of the boat, and he happened to be blessed with a beautiful face, and he had a smile transfixed onto his face. He walked up over to Chris. "Justin, my man." He put his fist up for them to fist-bump, but Justin just walked by, and over to all of the girls swooning over him. Chris rolled his eyes, and then turned to the camera.

"And there you have it, our very first episode, with all of our twenty-two contestants being introduced! Tune in next time to find out the answers to some very important questions, such as 'What will the teams be'? 'Who will be the first eliminated'? 'Will the producers get enough sense to give me a bigger budget'?" Chris cleared his throat. "Find out this and more, next episode of Total... Drama... Island!"

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