Super Café & Villain's Pub Special III

Another Super Café and Villain' Pub special one-shot. The rest of the information is inside. If you're a fan of HISHE then check this out and if you don't know what this is then find it on YouTube to find out. I don't own anything of HISHE. I'm just doing this for fun, so enjoy.

Transcript
Super Café

Anakin Skywalker is sitting next to Batman and across from Superman talking about his story and how why he is in the café with the two heroes. He tells them from his time as a slave, to when he was found, to the six movies he was involved in, and the Clone Wars TV series he played a role in.

Anakin: So I picked up the Emperor then tossed him into the pit killing him. My son removed my mask so I could see him one last time before I died, he burned my body, and I became one with the Force. So, what do you guys think? A pretty cool story for a hero huh?

Batman and Superman sat silently unsure what to say to the story.

Anakin: What?

Batman: Yeah, get out.

Anakin: Wh-why?

Superman: Dude, you're not a hero. All you told us was how you were a whiny little kid that ended up turning evil and how you killed so many innocent people.

Batman: Yeah, I mean the Joker has done bad things, but never what you did.

Anakin: But, I made up for it by killing the Emperor and saving the galaxy.

Batman: Yeah and how long did that take you? 20 years to kill the guy?

Superman: Yeah and besides you didn't really save the galaxy. Han and Leia destroyed the shield generator allowing the Lando to destroy the Death Star.

Batman: Yeah, the only thing you did while all that went on was try turning your son evil, threatened to turn his sister evil, and watch him get zap by the Emperor before you kill the guy.

Superman: Yeah, doing one good thing at the end I don't think makes up for all you did.

Anakin: Oh come on! Don't tell me you wouldn't have done the same thing I did.

Superman: Are you kidding me? Dude, I would turn back time and kill the Emperor before he became chancellor.

Batman: And I probably would have had some gadget from my belt to help me stop the chancellor. Anakin: How does having a gadget help save the galaxy?

Batman: Because I'm Batman!

Superman: The man has a point. Anything he pulls out of his utility belt conveniently helps save the day.

Anakin: Yeah, but I was trying to save my wife and children's lives so they don't die. It happened to my mother.

Batman: And then you threw a tantrum by killing an entire village filled with Tusken Raiders. Anakin: Y-yeah but the chancellor told me he knew a way to save her.

Superman: So you listen to an old creepy bad guy instead of listening to your friends and your wife? Dude, that is wrong.

Batman: Yeah and then you marched down to the Jedi temple killing all the Jedi, including the children, and destroyed the Republic. I mean seriously you killed those kids and your wife is pregnant with your kids. That is messed up.

Superman: Speaking of his kids he tortured his daughter, cut his son's hand off, and then tried to turn him evil. That is not what a hero does.

Batman speaks sarcastically.

Batman: Oh yeah, you would win Father of the year for sure Skywalker.

Superman: He's certainly not going to win Husband of the Year, especially since you killed your wife by breaking her hear.

Batman speaks again sarcastically.

Batman: Oh yeah good work Sherlock.

Sherlock: What?

Batman: Nothing dude, go away.

Sherlock: Jerks.

Anakin: So, what you're saying is, I'm not a hero?

Batman & Superman: Hell no!

Villain's Pub

Anakin is sitting at the bar with the Joker, Zod, Loki, and Bane.

Anakin: So they kicked me out and told me I wasn't a hero. So I decided to come here and hang out with you guys.

Joker: Um yeah we actually don't think you belong here.

Anakin: What?

Bane: Yeah, we have to agree with the heroes. You did do bad things, but we don't think this place is for you.

Anakin: Oh come on! Seriously? You guys are evil.

Loki: Yes, but we wouldn't do what you did.

Zod: You did do some cool villain stuff, but there are some stuff you did that we don't want around here.

Anakin: What do you mean? You guys did as many bad things as I did.

Loki: Not really. I mean yeah I tried to kill my own people, betray my brother, and kill the humans so I could rule as a God.

Joker: I blew up things, killed people, turned Harvey Dent into Two-Face, and tried to have the people kill each other.

Bane: I blew up a football field killing all the players but one, I killed police officers, politicians, a scientist in front of people, I let the inmates run the city, and I threatened to blow up the city with a nuclear weapon.

Zod: I tried to destroy Earth and kill a family with my heat vision forcing Superman to snap my neck.

Anakin: How is that any different with what I did! I killed the Jedi, the children, destroyed the Republic, and for 20 years did a lot of bad things to innocent people.

Joker: Yeah, but we didn't do it because we were a whiny little girl.

Anakin: What are you talking about?

Loki: You were always bitching about everything during the prequels and the Clone Wars series you were involved in.

Zod: You mostly bitched about the Jedi Order.

Bane tries to sound like Anakin.

Bane: Oh the Jedi don't trust me. Oh the Jedi don't think I'm ready. Oh my wife is dying so I should turn evil to try saving her. Oh I killed her out of anger, nooooo!

The four villains begin laughing.

Loki: See Ani? We don't do things by bitching about it. We do evil things because we are badass. Also, we wouldn't kill any child that is just wrong.

Bane: Yeah, I let the criminals do that for me.

Zod: I let my soldiers or my weapons do it for me.

Joker: I let my bombs do it.

Anakin: Soooo you're telling me I'm not a villain either?

Joker, Bane, Zod, & Loki: Hell no!

Loki: But we do know where you might belong.

Women's Super Café

Anakin is sitting next to Batgirl and across from Supergirl and Ahsoka.

Anakin: So they kicked me out because they said I was a whiny little girl and because they don't kill children. One of the villains at the pub turns children into donkeys and sells them, while another cursed a baby. How could they allow them in there and not me?

Supergirl: I have to agree with them. I mean I saw the prequels and I have to say you really do bitch a lot. In every scene in all three movies.

Batgirl: Yeah, even during the Clone Wars series you kept bitching and you were a bad husband. Spying on your wife while she is undercover and not helping the guy who helped save her life? Not to mention you trying to control her and demanding her to not do something...seriously dude never and I mean ever tell a woman "I demand you" to do something. That always ends with a guy going in the dog house.

Supergirl: Oh and beating the crap out of the guy while your wife tells you to stop, but you don't listen. That just makes you look like an asshole.

Batgirl: Plus you were a bad teacher, especially when you guys threaten to kill the guy who "killed" your friend.

Anakin: Ahsoka, you don't think that right?

Ahsoka: I hate to say it, but their right master. I mean I was by your side and you did bitch quiet a lot. It sucks that I didn't have any ears because I would have plugged them up with something instead of listening to you bitch. Sorry.

Anakin: Okay, what about the teachings then? I wasn't a bad teacher.

Ahsoka: No, but you weren't exactly the best influence on me. Heck, you were married and you told me I couldn't date Lux because of the rules.

Anakin: I didn't want you to go what I went through to keep the secret.

Ahsoka: Oh please I would have done it way better than you.

Supergirl: She's right, you guys made it too obvious when you were alone. Anakin: Really?

Batgirl: Yeah, good thing you lived in a universe filled with idiots because they would have caught on.

Anakin: Unbelievable, so if I'm not a villain and a hero. Then what am I?

Supergirl: A heroine?

The three girls begin laughing, while Anakin looks on glaring at them. Anakin: That's not funny. I'm not a heroine.

Anna and Elsa walk by.

Anna: Hi guys, who's your new lady friend?

Anakin: I'm not a girl!

Anna: Whoops, sorry about that.

Elsa: Let's go before you get into trouble like last time.

Anna: Whaaaat? I thought she was okay with me borrowing her rope.

Wonder Woman: Its a lasso!

The two princesses left while Anakin lets out a frustrated groan.

Anakin: I don't belong here.

Ahsoka: Oh don't worry master. Look on the bright side.

Anakin: What bright side?

Supergirl: You don't have to do anymore movies of Star Wars and risk looking bad.

Anakin:…that is a good point. I guess this place isn't so bad.

Dot appears landing on Anakin's lap.

Dot: Helloooooo Nurse!

Dot kisses Anakin on the lips.

Dot: Are you single?

Padme appears and aims her blaster at Dot.

Padme: Back off he's mine.

Dot pulls out her box.

Dot: Oh yeah?

The two begin brawling.

Batgirl: Well, this is new.

Supergirl: And fun.

The End

Super Café

Mace Windu is sitting next to Batman, while Nick Fury sits next to Superman.

Superman: Sooooo, are you guys twins?

Mace Windu: Of course not, but I do like that eye patch of yours. It looks good on you.

Nick Fury: Thanks, I like your lightsaber. It's a cool weapon.

Mace Windu: Thanks and it comes in handy.

Batman: Well this is weird.

Superman: Yeah, I wonder if we have alternate versions of ourselves in the Star Wars universe. Batman: We probably do and we both kick ass.

Superman: You know it.

Batman: Hey, guess what "namtab m'I esuaceb" means backwards.

Superman writes the letters down and reads it.

Superman: Oh come on!

Batman: Because I'm Batman!