Mirror, Mirror, on the Rodent/Script

Script:

 * [Rodent Dog runs by, stepping in a puddle. Lamb Wick follows and falls straight through. Glasses Duck stops short and steps over it.]
 * Glasses Duck: Puddles can be so messy. [He puts up a Caution sign.] An ounce of prevention!
 * Rodent Dog: Hey, snailboy, move it, willya? I'm not getting any younger. [He walks off a cliff.]
 * Glasses: Rodent Dog, stop!
 * Lamb Wick: [running off the cliff into Rodent] I got a soaker, guys!
 * Rodent Dog: Lamb Wick, if you bump into me one more-
 * Glasses Duck: Um, guys?
 * Rodent Dog: What?
 * Glasses Duck: Improbable alert!
 * [Rodent Dog realizes he's standing on thin air and rushes to safe ground. Lamb Wick stays where he is.]
 * Glasses Duck and Rodent Dog: Come back, Lamb Wick!
 * Lamb Wick: I can jump it, guys!
 * Glasses Duck and Rodent Dog: No, Lamb Wick! [They pull him back.]
 * Glasses Duck: Now what?
 * Rodent Dog: I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
 * Lamb Wick: Can I think?
 * Glasses Duck and Rodent Dog: NO!


 * [A bottle is spinning rapidly in the center of a circle formed by the kids. The bottle stops, settling on Tommy.]
 * Tommy: It's my turn! Luck be a lady tonight.
 * Fat Dog: Right. Pick then. Truth, or dare?
 * Tommy: Dare me, sucka.
 * Hilary: Thattaboy, Tommy!
 * Fat Dog: Cool. Let's see. I dare you to...skip your turn.
 * Tommy: [realizing he's been played] Darn it.
 * Fat Dog: What a sap. [He spins the bottle again.]


 * [Glasses Duck is using four spinning paper cups to judge the wind's speed and direction.]
 * Rodent Dog: What's the word, Double D?
 * Edd: "Well frankly Eddy, I'm concerned. The wind conditions aren't suitable for our trajectory. The lean is much too steep for the span."
 * Eddy: "What else is new? Let 'er rip, Ed!"
 * [Ed lets go of the tree root he's biting.]
 * Ed: "Gravy."
 * [The tree the Eds are standing on snaps to its full height, rocketing them away. They land headfirst in the lane.]
 * Ed: "I think I hit a pipe."
 * Jonny: "Buzz, buzz, buzz off, Jonny." [He is pretending to be a fly.] "Buzz, buzz, buzz off, Jonny. Buzz, buzzoow!" [He runs into a fence, and all the kids (except Nazz and Jimmy) laugh.]
 * Nazz: "You shouldn't have dared Jonny to buzz off, Kevin."
 * Rolf: "Ah, the artichoke thickens. Are those the better-check-your-wallet Ed-boys?"
 * Kevin: "Where? Aw, great."
 * [Ed pulls himself out of the ground and yanks his friends out of the dirt.]
 * Sarah: "Who invited them?"
 * Kevin: "The dorks came to ruin our game."
 * Eddy: "Truth or dare? I love this game! Who's next?" [He spins the bottle.] "I gotta warn ya, I'm a pro at this. Siddown, pigeons." [He opens his eyes to see that the Eds are alone. Forebodingly, the bottle points away from them.]
 * Edd: "Their social skills are deplorable."
 * Ed: "My turn to spin!" [He spins himself around and points the bottle at Eddy.] "Eddy? Truth or dare?"
 * Eddy: "Okay, dare, Ed."
 * Ed: "Okay, I dare you, Eddy, to sprout the wings of a bat and stomp like a zombie while whistling 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat' through a car wash."
 * Edd: "Ed, try a more reasonable dare, please."
 * Ed: [after a long pause] "Okay, I dare Eddy to be Double D."
 * Edd: "Eddy act like me? Why that's–"
 * Eddy: "Stupid, Ed! You blew your chance to–"
 * Edd: "Y'know, Eddy, it could be quite intriguing. Why I'd be flattered if you were to mimic me."
 * Eddy: "Let's see, where do I start?" [He proceeds to mimic Edd] "The wind conditions are absurd. The lean is too steep for the fat."
 * Ed: "Good Double D, Eddy." [Edd chuckles.]
 * [Eddy pretends to strain to budge the bottle, unable to move it an inch.]
 * Eddy: "Oh dear. The unsanitary. My skinny arms cannot bear the weight. Oh oh I know. I'll move it with my brain." [He pretends to concentrate.]
 * Edd: [sarcastic] "Ha ha ha. Very good, Eddy." [He spins the bottle.] "Can we resume playing?" [The bottle settles on him.] "Oh dear."
 * Eddy: "Ha! I dare ya to be Ed! Go on, flatter him."
 * Edd: "Well, I suppose I could, but only if Ed will be Eddy."
 * Ed: "I can do Eddy, I practiced." [He pushes his eyes together and starts speaking in a loud, raspy voice.] "Can it Double Dweeb!"
 * Eddy: "Whaddya mean you practiced?"
 * Ed: "Shut up, Sockhead!"
 * Eddy: "Please, Eddy, you're invading my personal space!" [He pushes Ed away. The trio laugh hysterically.]
 * Eddy: "Well?"
 * Ed: "Do me, Double D!"
 * Eddy: "We're waiting."
 * Edd: "Very well. Let's see now." [He turns around and manipulates his face. When he faces his friends again, his eyes are spread out across his face.] "Buttered toast." [The Eds laugh again.]


 * [Butter Horse enters the backyard to see Lamb Wick's clothes stumbling around with a watering can on their head.]
 * Butter Horse: Ho ho! There you are, one shy of a full deck Ed-boy! Rolf requires your assistance. [He pulls the can off to reveal Glasses Duck.]
 * Glasses Duck: Who is there?
 * Butter Horse: Imposter! You are not Rodent-boy!
 * Glasses Duck: Gravy.
 * Butter Horse: [confused] Hmm.
 * Rodent Dog: [wearing Glasses Duck's clothes and a sock on his head] Pardon me, Butter Horse, but I have compost a theory. Once upon observation of this small rock, I have discovered actually mutated from a big rock. Intriguing.
 * Glasses Duck: [running like Lamb Wick] Haw haw haw! [He slips.] Curse Lamb Wick's horrible posture.
 * [Butter Horse turns his head to see Lamb Wick, dressed like Rodent Dog, lounging in a chair.]
 * Butter Horse: Oafish Rodent-boy! [He hurries over.] "Butter Horse requests the presence of your colossal feet, as it is time to squish the raspberries.
 * Lamb Wick: I'll help if I give you a quarter, Butter Horse boy.
 * Butter Horse: [scratching his head] What? [He grabs Lamb Wick.] Your shenanigans try Butter Horse! Come, as the raspberries will spoil. [He runs off with Lamb Wick.]
 * Rodent Dog: Oh dear.
 * Glasses Duck: Look at him go, Double D.
 * Rodnet Dog: That leaves just I and you. Lamb Wick, now that they've left, let's make fun of Rodent Dog behind his back.
 * Glasses Duck: Like we always do?
 * Rodent Dog: Ah hah! I knew it!
 * Glasses Duck: You're so gullible, Rodent Dog. Or as Lamb Wick would say, 'Gravy!' [He runs after Butter Horse.] Haw haw haw!
 * Rodent Dog: Wait for me! I am slow and out of shape!

[The Rodents laugh.]
 * [A chicken is pecking at the dirt. Suddenly, Butter Horse's shoe lands beside it.]
 * Butter Horse: "Hurry! as the raspberries beg to be squashed, Rodent-boy."
 * Lamb Wick: Let's sell the squash for cash. Chicken! [hugging it] Pet the chicken, pet the chicken– [He sees Glasses Duck.] The stupid bird stole my quarter. Flew away with it. Stupid.
 * Rodent Dog: Excuse me, Rodent Dog. May I fuel inject? Chickens cannot fly, as they are mammals.
 * Glasses Duck: I love chickens, Rodent Dog.
 * [The Rodents laugh heartily. Rolf, who is stomping the raspberries, glares at them.]
 * Butter Horse: Rodent-boy!
 * Lamb Wick: [poking Glasses Duck] Wake up, Monobrow.
 * Glasses Duck: Oh right. Yes. Ahem. [turning around to face Butter Horse] I am Lamb Wick.
 * Butter Horse: [hassled] You are not Rodent-boy! I must have the large Rodent-boy here now. So please, Rodent-boy, raspberries to squash! Thank you.
 * Rodent Dog: Butter Hose said thank you! Isn't it refurbishing to hear politeness?"
 * Lamb Wick: Put a sock in it, sock in it. I got a plan. [He pulls Rodent Dog's sock over him and walks behind Glasses Duck.] Hey, burrhead. I will now inflict pain on you.
 * Glasses Duck: What?
 * [Lamb Wick swings Rodent Dog, knocking Glasses Duck into the raspberry silo.]
 * Glasses Duck: Buttered toast?
 * Butter Horse: No butter, raspberries! Squish the fruit, slowpoke Rodent-boy. Butter Hose needs juice for his great thirst!
 * Rodent Dog: Rodent Dog, I too am thirsty. Quite partial, to be correct.
 * Glasses Duck: [calling from the muck] Parched! The word you're looking for is parched!
 * Lamb Wick: Yeah right Lumpy! Parched is a fish!
 * Rodent Dog: Intriguing.
 * Butter Horse: You are not Lamb Wick. [ranting] You have cursed my raspberries to the life of salad dressing, impostor with tiny feet!
 * [Suddenly, the berry juice begins to drain from its container.]
 * Lamb Wick: You know what they say, Glasses Duck. [He shoves Rodent Dog's mouth to an opened pipe on the side.] If you're thirsty, take a drink. [Rodent Dog chugs it down and swells up.] Gee, Glasses Duck, you really let yourself go. [He jumps on Rodent Dog, and Rodent Dog spits the pipe out.] Kids'll pay big money to ride a blimp. You're a genius, Glasses Duck.
 * Glasses Duck: [popping out of Rodent Dog's sock] You really think I'm a genius?
 * Rodent Dog: "Hey I'm Glasses Duck! I'm the genius!" [A red-tinted Butter Horse opens Rodent Dog's mouth and climbs out.]
 * Lamb Wick: I have caused discomfort 'cause I'm Rodent Dog!
 * Butter Horse: Butter Horse has never been so confused.


 * [Glasses Duck is walking in the lane.]
 * Glasses Duck: Uh oh, a fence! [He walks into it.] Gravy.
 * Lamb Wick: Aw, come on, Glasses Duck. I don't say gravy all the time.
 * Glasses Duck: Buttered toast, then.
 * Rodent Dog: Toast is so crude, as the crust always gets stuck in my gap. [Glasses Duck shuts his mouth to hide the gap.]
 * [Lamb Wick and Rodent Dog laugh as Fat Dog and Mandy Mouse walk up.]
 * Fat Dog: I don't even wanna know.
 * Rodent Dog: Greetings, Fat Dog. A pleasure to look at you. May I inspect your nostrils?
 * Fat Dog: Get lost, dork.
 * Rodent Dog: Intriguing. Your apelike qualities ensure your smartness. Let's examine your brain! [Rodent Dog pulls out a telescope and extends it so it goes through Fat Dog's ears.]
 * Fat Dog: Hey! That's it! You're meat, dork! [He chases Rodent Dog.]
 * Lamb Wick: Rodent Dog's good, huh Glasses Duck?
 * Hilary: [calling] Lamb Wick!
 * Lamb Wick: Hilary Hedgehog! [He dives into a bush.]
 * Glasses Duck: Hilary Hedgehog? Lamb Wick.
 * Hilary: [seeing Glasses Duck from the back] Lamb Wick.
 * Glasses Duck: Lamb Wick, Hilary Hedgehog.
 * Hilary: [grabbing Glasses Duck] I've been looking for you. Mom said to clean your room! [She drags him off.]
 * Glasses Duck: Lamb Wick?!
 * Lamb Wick: [popping out of the bush] What a tree sap.
 * Cool Goat: "Hiya, Lamb Wick. Why ya dressed like Rodent Dog?
 * Lamb Wick: [in his normal voice] It's a dare, Cool Goat. [as Rodent Dog] So buzz off, melonhead!
 * Cool Goat: [laughing] Been there, done that, Lamb Wick, oh, I mean Rodent Dog! Ha ha! Oh.
 * Frank:
 * Cool Goat: Frank says he'll give you a quarter if you'll do a dare.
 * Lamb Wick: Bring it on, I'll do anything for cash. 'Cause I'm short.


 * [Hilary kicks open the door to Lamb Wick's bedroom and throws Glasses Duck inside.]
 * Hilary: I'll be back in five minutes! [She starts to close the door, but stops.] Cuz Mom said I could!
 * [Hilary slams the door, leaving Glasses Duck in the grody hole known to us as Ed's basement.]
 * Glasses Duck: [stuck in a chair] "Deception certainly is excruciating."
 * [Glasses Duck looks down and spots a sandwich. The bread is all molded, and it is so old that mushrooms are popping out of the bread everywhere.]
 * Glasses Duck: Oh, the inhumanity!
 * [Glasses Duck wrenches himself free of the chair and stumbles backwards into the bathroom. He falls into the bathtub with a plop. When he sits up, he is covered in a strange brown glop–the same glop filling the tub.]
 * Glasses Duck: What in heaven's name is this? [He fishes in the muck.] A ladle? Oh my. IT'S A TUB OF GRAVY!

[Suddenly, an alarm begins to blare, and the room strobes with a red light. A recording of Glasses Duck's voice is heard.]
 * [Rodent Dog bursts into Glasses Duck's house and slams the door on Fat Dog.]
 * Fat Dog: Get outta Glasses Duck's house! [Rodent Dog runs upstairs, and Fat Dog opens the door.] Get out here and take your lumps.
 * [Rodent Dog finds his way into Glasses Duck's room and locks the door.]
 * Rodent Dog: Bingo.
 * Fat Dog: [pounding on the door] Open this door!
 * Rodent Dog: Sucker!
 * Fat Dog: That's it, I'm gonna count to three–
 * Rodent Dog: Don't bust an artery, Einstein.
 * Recording: You have invaded my personal space. Do not touch anything and leave via the designated exit.
 * [An Exit sign over the door is flashing. The lock on the door unlocks itself, and the door swings open to reveal a triumphant, viciously happy Fat Dog.]
 * Recording: Watch your step on the way out and have a nice day!
 * Fat Dog: [pounding his fist into his palm] Oh, you can count on it. [He chuckles evilly.]
 * Rodent Dog: [frightened, while mimicking Glasses Duck one last time} Oh dear. Pain.


 * Cool Goat: [laughing] Boy, Rodent Dog. We can't tell that truth to anyone now, can we? [Frank is dressed in Rodent Dog's clothes. From the top of the board, three straws stick up.] Right, Lamb Wick? Whoops! I mean, Frank!" [Lamb Wick is in his underwear, pretending to be Frank.] What's that, Rodent Dog? Woo, hoo! What a potty mouth!" [Cool Goat laughs.]