About a plumber

Mario's alarm woke him up at 7 in the morning to find a ransom note from Bowser. It read, "Mario, I have kidnapped your girlfriend, Peach, and am keeping her at one of my castles. Good luck!" Mario put on his uniform and began to travel to the World 1 castle.

Meanwhile, Solid Snake was recieving his assignment from Oracle. "Snake, Bowser went rogue. He told Mario about Peach. Looks like you have no choice but to kill him." He made his way to World 1.

Snake used his Octocamo to blend in with the sky, and fire 2 silenced 9mm shots into Mario's back, killing him.

Meanwhile, Niko Bellic was at a bar, having a few drinks. So many, in fact, that he had no idea what was going on, and ended up crashing into Solid Snake, killing him.

Niko, however, was still alive, only to be killed by a mysterious clone of himself, that still cannot be explained.

I mean, we would be able to figure out how it happened if Tony Hawk wasn't skating in the area, saw the whole thing, and beat him to death with his skateboard.

Meanwhile, Serge was so pissed about the events of Chrono Cross, that he decided to create an alternate timeline for somebody else similar to his. He just so happened to be in World 1 at the right time to see Tony Hawk over a dead body with a skateboard. Unfortunately, he didn't survive the teleport.

To let out his anger, Serge decided to steal the Soul Edge but was brutally murdered by Ivy, who proceeded to destroy it.

Now that her goal was finally complete, she went home, and went to sleep.

Meanwhile, Zelda was talking to Link, "Shit, I wanted the Soul Edge. Go kill that bitch Ivy for me, will you?"

"Sure."

Link then broke into Ivy's house and stabbed her in the chest, killing her.

Here's where it gets weird. Turns out the teleporter that Tony Hawk died in contained element 115, which brought half of his body back to life. It also teleported him to Ivy's garage. He took a saw, and sawed off the dead half of his body. He then proceeded to find the closest source of flesh, which was Link.

However, even though he sawed off half his body, his small intestine was still dragging the other half everywhere he went. The protein from Link brought the other half to life as a seperate being who slit the first halfs throat with the same very saw.

Now, here's what Ivy forgot before she fell asleep, she invited a football player over for dinner, and he arrived at that exact time, and beat the second half of Tony Hawk's zombified body to death because, it scared him.

Meanwhile, Joanna Dark was recieving her breifing, "Joanna, the football player we worked with betrayed us. He's going to Ivy's house to give her the location of the Soul Edge, kill him immediately." She went to Ivy's house, and shot him in the face.

Meanwhile, at World 1, 115 was seeping out of the teleporter, and eventually reached mario's corpse. He was re-animated, and again, searched for the nearest flesh, which was Joanna.

Then, while he was at Ivy's house, he spreaded some to the football player, who killed Mario.

However, the football player was lucky, as his personality remained as he turned, so he still had the urge to join the Iron Fist Tournament, which he did, and he died doing it.

To be continued in episode 2 where we learn about what happened to the Tournament winner.