Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith Alternate HISHE

Plot
A one-shot story on how Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith should have ended.

Transcript
Jedi Temple

Yoda- Believe we do the chancellor is the Sith Lord. Find a way to prove this we must.

Kit Fisto- We can have Skywalker spy on the chancellor. The two are good friends and we can use that to help us.

Windu- I agree, Skywalker can get us what we need to prove the chancellor is evil.

Mundi- Yeah there is no way this idea will make Skywalker not trust us and turn evil. I can't see any flaw in this idea. I say we do it.

Plo Koon- Agreed, if there's nothing else to discuss we should call Skywalker in.

Shaak Ti- Whoa, hold up, are you serious? That's it? We're not going to talk about this anymore just because you guys say it's over?

Aayla- Hell no, we're sick and tired of see you men always make the choices for the council. What about us? Don't we women get a say in this?

Windu- Um of course you guys do you're all important to the Jedi council.

Luminara- Oh really? Okay, when was the last time we got a chance to talk or make decisions around here?

Aayla- I'm starting to get the feeling you guys don't care about our opinions and don't care what we have to say.

Mundi- Whaaat? Don't be ridiculous we respect your opinions and we do want to hear what you guys say.

Yoda- Agree we do about your opinions we would, but very big decisions we make and feel we do that the decision fall it should to those who have been on the council long it should.

Shaak Ti- I have been here as long as you guys and none of you ever let me say anything or make any decisions.

Windu- Shaak Ti, don't be ridiculous let's just pause for a moment and just calm down before you women let your temper get the better of you.

Luminara- Screw you guys I'm out. Come on ladies let's go make our own council where no men are allowed.

Luminara and the rest of the female Jedi left the council chamber leaving the men shock and surprise.

Yoda- Hmmm hope I do come back to bite us this won't.

Mundi- Eh, we shouldn't worry. It's not like our plan is going to backfire, will cause Skywalker to turn against us, and get all of us killed right?

Mace- Mundi is right. What's the worst than can happen?

(Fast Forward)

Padme- Ani, I promise you I won't die giving birth.

Anakin- No I promise you I won't let you die. I won't let anything happen to you or our child even if I have to do

Padme- Ani, don't worry about me I can take care of myself.

Anakin- Padme, you're pregnant. You can't do anything that could hurt you and the baby. Padme- What about shooting someone?

Anakin- Well, okay yeah you can do that. Still, you need to let me keep you safe okay?

Padme- Stop thinking I can't take care of myself. I'm not weak, I'm not helpless, and I'm not the damsel in distress. We have been together for years and you still think of me as a scared little woman who can't take care of herself?

Anakin- But my visions, I saw you were dying and it's like with what happened to my mom. Padme- I'm not your momma you big baby. I have kicked as much ass as you have before and while the war has been going on.

Anakin- And most of those times I had to come in to save you.

Padme gets mad and grabs Anakin by the balls.

Padme- Listen to me momma's boy and listen well or else. I can take care of myself okay? I'm not weak and defenseless. I am your wife and you will listen to me. If you listen to someone else that will cause you to turn to the dark side, kill a bunch of younglings, and try to take over the galaxy then I will blow you up, got it?

Padme tightens her grip on Anakin's balls causing him to yelp in pain and speak in a high tone voice.

Anakin- Yes of course I promise.

Padme releases Anakin's balls.

Padme- Good, now then who's hungry?

(Fast Forward)

Sidious- It was a necessary loss. Soon I will have an apprentice much younger and powerful.

Grievous- And we will rule the galaxy together…right?

Sidious- Um of course we will (fakes coughing) not likely.

Grievous- Wait, what was that?

Sidious- What was what?

Grievous- What did you say? You said "Not likely", are you saying I won't be alive?

Sidious- Noooo, of course not don't be ridiculous. You'll still be alive don't worry. I didn't see into the future that you would be killed by Obi Wan Kenobi.

Grievous- I um never said you did.

Sidious- Oh well look don't worry about it. Nothing bad will happen to you okay? I promise. Grievous- Well okay, I believe you. I know you would never lie to me or use me like you did with Count Dooku.

Sidious- Yeah, sure of course I would never do that to you.

Grievous- Wait, was that sarcasm?

(Fast Forward)

Mace Windu is aiming his lightsaber at Darth Sidious who had attempted to use Force lightning on the Jedi master, but it backfired on him. Now seeing how dangerous the Sith is Mace Windu decides what he must do to keep the galaxy safe.

Windu- I'm going to end this once and for all.

Anakin- You can't, he must stand trial.

Windu- He has control over the senate and the courts. He's too dangerous to be kept alive.

Anakin- It's not the Jedi way. He must stand trial. I need him.

Mace Windu hesitates, but knows keeping the Sith Lord alive is not an option. He swings his lightsaber at Darth Sidious to end this.

Anakin ignites his lightsaber- Noooo!

Anakin cuts off Windu's hand causing the Jedi master to scream.

Windu- Ahhhh! Damn it! What the fuck man?! You just cut off my hand! Why the fuck did you do that?!

Anakin- You we're going to kill him I had to stop you.

Windu- So instead of blocking my lightsaber you decided to cut off my hand? My fucking hand! Anakin- Well um I wasn't thinking clearly okay? I have had a stressful few days. With you guys pressuring me to spy on the chancellor, the chancellor telling me he's a Sith Lord and wants me to join him, to me having visions of my pregnant wife dying-

Windu- Whoa whoa what? What the fuck did you say?

Anakin- Um what?

Windu- You just said you're "Pregnant wife". Are you married?

Anakin- Whaaat? Don't be silly I'm not married. We know it's against the rules.

Sidious- Um guys my face is starting to burn up I think I need to go check this out.

Windu- Shut the fuck up prune face! Skywalker, are you married?

Anakin- Well…yes?

Windu- Oh this is fucking great. So you want this prune face guy here to stay alive just to save your pregnant wife?

Anakin- Well, yeah I did it to save her. He said he can keep her from dying so I made a choice. Windu- By cutting off my fucking arm!

Sidious- Guys seriously. My face is really starting to hurt a lot. I can't move because then it hurts even more.

Windu- Fuck your face! This asshole just cut off my hand just because he didn't want his wife to die!

Anakin: Oh relax would you? I'm sure we can get you a robotic hand like mine. It's pretty kick ass.

Windu- You know what? Fuck this man. You want to become a Sith just to save your wife who will probably hate you in the end. Then fine I'm out of here. Go fuck yourselves assholes!

Mace Windu leaves the room leaving Skywalker and Sidious who has smoke appearing from his face.

Sidious- Soooooo you want to be my apprentice and kill a bunch of younglings?

Anakin-….okay.

(Fast Forward)

Anakin- I won't lose you like I lost my mother. I'm becoming more powerful than any Jedi has ever dreamed of and I'm doing it for you, to protect you.

Padme- Come away with me. Come and raise our child. Leave everything behind while we still can. Anakin- Don't you see? We don't have to run away anymore. I have brought peace to the Republic. I am more powerful than the chancellor I can overthrow him. And together you and I can rule the galaxy. Make things we want them to be.

Padme- Yeah, that sounds great so we can do whatever we want huh?

Anakin- Exactly, thank you I knew you would understand.

Padme- Yeah, I need to go get some things from my ship before we go back to Coruscant to rule the galaxy. Be right back.

Padme runs up to the ship.

Anakin- I knew she would understand. I can't wait to tell everyone I'm going to be a father and ruler of the Republic. It's going to be wizard.

A large barrel with a bomb timer on it rolled down the ship next to Anakin who is too busy fantasizing about him raising his child and ruling the galaxy. The ship takes off, which causes Anakin to notice.

Anakin- Padme? (Sees the bomb next to him) What the hell?

Admiral Ackbar- It's a trap!

The bomb blows up taking out the platform and Skywalker. Super Café

Padme is sitting next to Batgirl while Supergirl sits across the booth.

Batgirl- Whoa, so you just killed him?

Padme- Yeah, he didn't trust me and decided to listen to some old guy to be evil then kill little kids. Would you want your kids around someone like that?

Supergirl- Yeah, that's a good point. Still, didn't you love the guy?

Padme- I do, but he treated me like I was always the damsel in distress. That I always needed saving and I can't defend myself. I hate that, do you guys understand?

Batgirl and Supergirl begin laughing, but see Padme was serious.

Batgirl- Oh for real? No way, whenever criminals see me they always underestimate me until I kick their asses and they learn never to fuck with Batgirl.

Supergirl- Same here, except when criminals see me they try to look up my skirt instead of wanting to fight me. Instead they end up instead me kicking their asses towards jail. I did that once you know.

Padme- Okay fair enough, still after what Anakin did I can't see myself raising my kids with him after he murdered children as well.

Batgirl- Yeah, soooo what is going to happen with Darth Sidious?

Padme- I don't know I heard someone told me they were going to handle it.

Supergirl- Cool, well if you want we can handle it for you.

Padme-Nah it's fine don't worry.

Batman appears and sits down next to Padme.

Batman- Hey, I'm Batman you want to know my secret identity?

Batgirl- Hey Bruce check this out (shows Padme is pregnant)

Batman- Uh I have to go…the bat signal!

Batman takes off.

Batgirl sighs- What an idiot.

Supergirl- All men are stupid…we should form our own Justice League. Padme, want to join us?

Padme- Sure, sounds like fun.

The End

Senate Building

Chancellor Palpatine or Darth Sidious is speaking to the senate about what the Jedi did and how he plans to form a new Empire when Iron Man appears.

Iron Man- Tank missile!

Iron Man takes off just as the chancellor sees the missile.

Palpatine- What the phantom menace!

The missile blew up destroying the chancellor.

Outside the senate building Aayla Secura, Luminara Unduli, Shaak Ti, and the rest of the female Jedi who left the Order see what happened inside.

Aayla- See? Now that is how this should have been handled.