Rabbit Gets a Bath

Downstairs, the pot in the fireplace was boiling rapidly. Alice immediately got up, changed back into her blue dress, white pinafore apron, matching stockings, and black Mary Jane shoes and ran downstairs to it. She removed the lid from the pot, stirred it up, and tasted it.

Meanwhile the seven forest animals were peeking from the top of the banister where Piglet had stuck his head into a hole in it. They sniffed the air, breathed in deeply, sighed, and shouted, "Ahhhhh! Soup! Hurray!" Honest John, Donald, Wilbur, Jose, Panchito, and Pooh, who were not stupid enough to stick their heads through the banister, ran to the table, each one stepping on Piglet's back. They were arguing over the food, each one wanting to be the first. "Wait for me! I'm coming too!" Piglet tried to follow them, but his head was in the banister. "Ugh! I can't--I mean--" After several bumps, his head finally popped through, and he flew backwards into the wall. "Here I come!" Aching from the pain, he ran down the stairs, only to end up tumbling. He got up and quickly ran to the table and into his chair, but his chair fell backwards, and he went rolling out of it. He stood up in his chair and sat down to join the argument. Soon, all seven forest animals were fighting over bread rolls and knocking Piglet out of his chair again. "Hey!" They were just about to bite into them when Alice stopped them.

"Ah, ah, ah! Just a minute!" Alice called to them. The forest animals stopped fighting and turned their heads to listen.

"Supper's not quite ready yet," said Alice. "You'll just have time to wash."

"Wash?" Honest John, Wilbur, Jose, Panchito, Pooh, and Piglet questioned in wonder.

"Ha! I knew there was a catch to it!" Donald grumbled, throwing down his spoon and crossing his arms in defiance.

"Por que llavarnos?" asked Panchito.

"What for?" asked Wilbur.

"We're not going anywhere, are we?" asked Piglet.

"It's not the New Year." said Honest John, as Wilbur, Panchito, Pooh, and Piglet shook their heads.

"Oh, perhaps you have washed." Alice smiled.

Honest John pondered for a moment. "Perhaps we..." Then he remembered what Alice meant. "Yes, perhaps we have!"

"But when?" asked Alice, crossly putting her hands on her hips.

Honest John kept waffling about when he and the other forest animals had already washed. "When? When? You said... Ah, last week, month, ye..., why, recently!" he finally said.

"Yes, recently!" said Pooh, Eeyore, Lumpy, Piglet, and Roo.

"Oh, really?" said Wendy. "Let me see your hands."

Tigger, Pooh, Eeyore, Lumpy, Piglet, and Roo promptly placed their paws, trunk, and hooves behind their backs and backed up a bit. But Rabbit crossed his arms defiantly.

"Let me see your hands!" demanded Wendy.

Finally, Tigger held out his filthy paws.

"Why, Tigger! I'm surprised!" exclaimed a shocked Wendy. Tigger giggled bashfully and his paws once again.

Wendy looked at Lumpy. "Come on. Let's see it." Lumpy held out his trunk as well. "Oh, Lumpy, my, my, my..." The heffalump blushed and hid his trunk again.

Then she looked at Piglet. "And you?" Piglet held out his hooves, and Wendy tsked at the sight.

Pooh rubbed his paws on his legs and held them out for Wendy to inspect. "Worse than I thought." Wendy said sadly.

Roo held out his filthy paws. "Oops!" he said, as Alice laughed, making him drop to the floor.

Finally, Eeyore held out his hooves. Wendy gaped at the sight of his filthy hooves. "Oh! How shocking!" Eeyore quickly hid his hooves.

"Goodness me! This won't do at all!" said Wendy.

Rabbit looked at his hand and angrily shoved it back down.

"March straight outside and wash or you're not gonna get a bite to eat!" Wendy ordered the Hundred Acre Wood toys.

Sadly, the Hundred Acre Wood toys, other than Rabbit, looked at Tigger, who nodded and led them outside the open door, whose doorknob was remarkably fixed!

Naturally, Roo was not looking where he was going and hopped straight into the wall on the wrong side of the door, which is actually the closet for storing pots and pans. He hopped out and around the door to the outside. "Sorry about that!" he called.

"Humph!" said Rabbit, as he glared at the wall again.

"Well, aren't you going to wash?" Wendy asked the rabbit.

Rabbit ignored her.

"What's the matter?" asked Wendy, "Cat got your tongue?"

Rabbit only turned to face Wendy and stuck his tongue out at her. Then he stomped outside, only to bump into a wall. making her laugh.

"Awwww, did you hurt yourself?" Wendy asked empathically.

"Humph!" Rabbit pouted. And with that, he marched straight outside, slamming the door behind him. He sat on a barrel, grabbed a slice of buckwheat cake, and stuck it in his mouth. "Humph! Girls!"

"Courage, boys, courage," Tigger told his friends. "Don't be nervous."

Rabbit watched his friends approach an empty horse trough. They peered at the water nervously. Pooh stuck a paw in the water and swirled it around. "Gosh!" he said, "It's wet!"

Piglet stuck his hoof in it, too. He quickly pulled it out, shivering. "Brrrrr!" he complained, "it's cold too!"

"We're not gonna do it, are we?" Lumpy asked nervously.

"Well," said Tigger. "It would please the princess."

"I'll take a chance on her!" Pooh spoke up.

"Me too!" Jose, Panchito, Pooh, and Piglet said in unison.

"Humph," Donald said from on top of the barrel. "Her wiles are beginning to work! But I'm warning you, you give them an inch, they'll walk all over you!"

"Don't listen to that old warthog!" Honest John said indignantly. Then he turned to face Wilbur, Jose, Panchito, Pooh, and Piglet. "Come one now, boys!"

"How hard can you scrub?" Pooh asked.

"Will my feathers shrink?" Jose asked.

"Do you get in the tub?" Wilbur asked.

"Do you have to wash where it doesn't show?" Panchito asked.

"Now, don't get excited," Honest John told them. "Here we go!" Then he began to sing.

Honest John: Step up to the tub ''Oh! T'ain't no disgrace'' Just pull up your sleeves And pin them in place Then, scoop up the water And rub it on your face And go, "Brrr! Brrr! Brrr!"

Wilbur, Jose, Panchito, Pooh, and Piglet picked up five separate bars of soap and began working up a lather on their wings, hands, paws, hooves, and faces.

Honest John: Pick up the soap Now, don't try to bluff Work up a lather And when you got enough Get your hands full of water And you snort And you snuffAnd go, "Brrr! Brrr! Brrr!"

In the meantime, the fly that bothered Jose returned by buzzing around Jose's head. Then it landed on the soap and started scrubbing.

Honest John: You douse and souse You rub and scrub You sputter and splash All over the tub You may be cold and wet When you're done But you gotta admit It's good and clean fun So splash all you like T'ain't any trick As soon as you're through You'll feel mighty slick

Donald: Bunch of old nanny goats You make me sick Going, "Brrr! Brrr! Brrr!"

Donald then spat at them.

Honest John then took a scrubbing floor brush and scrubbed Wilbur's, Jose's, Panchito's, and Pooh's heads. He tried to scrub Piglet's head, but he ducked several times, avoiding the brush. Honest John got mad and knocked Piglet into the trough with it.

"Brrr! Brrr! Brrr!" he shouted underwater, kicking his legs frantically, as Honest John instead brushed his rear end with the brush.

Meanwhile, Donald was still making fun of his friends. "Ha! Next thing you know, she'll be tying your fur up in pink ribbons and smelling you up with that stuff called perfume!" Then he spat out the chewed part of the buckwheat cake.

Meanwhile, the forest animals went back to washing. While Honest John was cleaning a pair of circular pince-nez glasses, Wilbur shook like a dog to dry his feathers and soaked Honest John.

Piglet hit himself in the head to get the water out of his ears. Then, he shook his head, only to cause the water to slosh around. Finally, he stuck his hook in his mouth and blew hard, making the water comes shooting out of his ears.

Pooh couldn't see, so, he grabs the first thing he touched to dry his face off with. It happened to be the back of Jose's jacket. Panchito couldn't see either and grabbed the front of Jose's jacket to dry off his face. This caused Jose to be lifted lift up off the ground. When Panchito and Pooh were done, they dropped the parrot painfully on the ground.

"A fine bunch of waterlilies you turned out to be!" Donald said, still sitting on top of the barrel. Honest John glared at him. "I'd like to see anybody make me wash, if I didn't wanna!"

"Hey!" snapped Honest John. But then he calmed down a bit, cleared his throat, and motioned his friends to come. They were all gathered in a football-esque huddle. Honest John whispered and pointed to Donald, who didn't seem to notice. Wilbur looked up and slightly laughed. Piglet looked up, smiling at Donald, but Pooh reached up, grabbed his head, and dragged him back into the huddle.

Whistling, Honest John, Wilbur, Jose, Panchito, Piglet, and Pooh made their way to the barrel to surround Donald, who noticed that it was late.

"Get him!" Honest John cried.

Donald tried to run away, but the others quickly grabbed onto his arms and legs. Now he was kicking and screaming while the other forest animals carried him to the trough. "Hey! Let go of me!" shouted the duck.

"Get him over to the tub!" cried Honest John, "Get him over to the tub!"

"Let me loose, you fools! Let me loose!" shouted Donald.

"Get him up on the tub!" Honest John continued crying, "Get him up! Hang onto him! Get him up on the tub! The tub, the tub! Don't get excited! Don't get--"

They managed to get him in, and, in the process, Piglet fell off of Pooh and rolled over with Honest John. He landed with his arms around a dazed Honest John's neck and looked up at him lovingly.

Honest John pushed the pig off of him. "Get the soap!" he commanded, as Piglet nodded at Honest John while going to get the soap. But he tripped, got up, and quickly ran past the soap. He stopped, went back, and got it, but it slipped out of his hooves ten times.

"Oh! Steady, boys!" Honest John said to those who were holding the tortured duck in the water.

The soap landed on Piglet's head and bounced off. He snuck up on it and pounced on it. That only caused it to slip out of his hooves, bounce off of Jose's rear end, and go down Piglet's throat, nearly choking him, but it went straight down. "Did we have to use real soap?" he asked, feeling sick. Luckily, Piglet pretended not to notice the fact that he just swallowed an entire bar of soap and looked around for the missing soap. He couldn't find it of course. He hiccupped, and bubbles came out of his mouth. He kept looking around until he kept hiccupping bubbles again. He pat his stomach and felt the bar of soap. He kept hiccupping bubbles, feeling sicker and sicker.

During all of this, Tigger, Pooh, Eeyore, Lumpy, and Piglet were scrubbing Rabbit's face and laughing. Piglet washed his fur while Eeyore and Lumpy held him down. Pooh scrubbed his forehead while Tigger scrubbed his teeth. Tigger began singing again, and the other Hundred Acre Wood toys joined in.

Tigger: Now scrub good and hard It can't be denied But he'll look mighty cute As soon as he's dried

Tigger, Pooh, Eeyore, Lumpy, and Piglet: Well, it's good for the soul And it's good for the hide To go--

Rabbit: "Brrr! Brrr! Brrr!"

Roo was still hiccupping bubbles. He tried holding them in until he hiccupped so hard, sending his skyrocketing in the air. He hiccupped one last time, causing the last bubble to come out of his mouth and pop. "Whew!" sighed the joey, "I feel much better already."

By this time, Tigger, Pooh, Eeyore, Lumpy, and Piglet were tying blue ribbons in Rabbit's fur. "Ain't he sweet?" Tigger smiled.

Piglet sniffed the rabbit. "Smells like a petunia." he said.

Pooh placed a wreath of flowers on Rabbit's head. "He sure is cute." he said.

"You'll pay dearly for this!" Rabbit snarled.

"Supper!" Wendy called to the Hundred Acre Wood toys, banging the spoon against the cauldron.

"Supper!" Tigger exclaimed happily.

"Food! Hurray!" Pooh, Eeyore, Lumpy, Piglet, and Roo cheered, as they ran back inside, dropping Rabbit into the trough.

"Brrr! Brrr! Brrr!" Rabbit screamed underwater. When he popped his head up out of the water, he sat up and pouted. "Humph!"