How the Crystal Empire Should Have Ended

Plot
If you've read the title, then you can probably guess what this is about. It's the MLP: FIM season 3 starter episode in the style of the HISHE videos on YouTube! Enjoy reading to the hilarious twists and points made about this episode, because you have to admit that there were some scenes that could've ended differently.

Transcript
The snow stung painfully with the wind at their eyes. The blizzard was making it hard to get to their destination, but even harder for them to get away from the coming threat while they were running into a headwind. As much as they try, the shadow monster kept catching up to them. Finally, the stallion and captain of the royal guard of the Crystal Empire halted and turned around as the other ponies and young dragon kept fleeing. The tyrant shadow king stopped as it saw an easy target just below the solid form of his head. A magenta aura appeared over the unicorn's horn and soon a burst of energy sprouted out and shot at the monster's head. It reached its goal, but where it hit the shadows simply regenerated and just after one shot the creature started descending its form down over the stallion. In a last attempt to protect himself, the stallion's eyes closed and he focused a bright glow of magic over his horn as a defense.

All of a sudden, his eyes widened as the sounds of a mechanical object whirring to life and the loud screeches of horror of the shadow king. His light blue orbs focused on the bright pink earth pony standing tall before him, holding a large, cordless vacuum in her hooves with the tip of the hose pointed at Sombra's wispy, dark form. The shadow king howled in surprise and shock as he tried to pull away, but the suction of the vacuum was too strong as it pulled in his form. In less than a minute, his misty body had been entirely absorbed through the hose into the main section before the engine was clicked off.

"Well that was easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy," the pink pony said as she turned around and grinned at the stallion gaping at her from behind.

H-how-how'd you d-d-do t-th-th," he stuttered, but Pinkie beat him to the punch. "Silly, if you bring a party canon with confetti anywhere you go, you have to bring something along with it to clean the mess up," she cheerfully replied. The vacuum on her back growled as Sombra tried to free himself of this uncomfortable containment, but found himself unable to. Shining Armor could only watch and then follow dumbly as Pinkie bounced away and towards the entrance to the Crystal Empire.

Fast forward

"Cadence has been able to use her magic to spread love and light. That seems to be what is protecting it. But she hasn't slept, barely eats. I want to help her, but my protection spell has been countered by King Sombra," Shining Armor explained as his pink alicorn wife started to droop with exhaustion.

On his head, as a reminder of what happened outside the Crystal Empire's borders, several jagged, dark grey crystals had formed, sprouting from the hard, keratin material and acting as blockage for any magic that might accumulate at the tip. A work of Sombra's darkness no doubt. Twilight examined her older brother's horn for a moment before her eyes widened in shock. "Wait a minute," she suddenly said. "I think I know a way to reverse the damage done on your horn, Shiney. I remember the spell Celestia used to demonstrate the objectives of my mission. Now if only I could remember it."

Her eyelids squeezed close as her mind traced the memory of Celestia demonstrating bring forth and casting out the darkness and hate. The tip of her horn was already beginning to sparkle as the magic already began to gather together, preparing to be used. All of a sudden, the entire length of her horn was all aglow and a thin beam of light shot out from it, aimed to Shining Armor's horn. A bond formed between the two siblings, growing lighter and lighter until a flash of light blinded everyone for a moment. When it cleared, everyone's eyes blinked and turned to Shining Armor picking himself off the floor, his horn completely restored to its smooth and gem growth-less state.

To test it, his horn became engulfed with its own magenta aura and soon a bright blaze came forth from it. Eyes turned to the outside where the sky-blue barrier around the empire suddenly became tinted with pink before the original color steadily returned. Cadence let out a sigh of relief as she felt the strain of energy from her magic become less as less power was needed. Twilight smiled at the job well done before turning back to the other ponies in the room. "Pinkie Pie, make sure both Cadence and Shining Armor are supplied with coffee, caffeinated beverages and other high-in-energy foods," she ordered. "We aren't taking anymore chances with making sure the barriers stay up." Said pink party pony instantly gave a crisp salute and quickly started rummaging through her saddlebag. She then surprisingly pulled out an entire coffee bar out of her bag and immediately appeared behind the counter dressed as a barista. "H-how'd she do that," Shining asked. Twilight simply sighed and shook her head. "We're still not sure. She says something about 'the fourth wall', but none of us have any idea what that means," she explained.

"Alright, so that's two double-espresso shot frappuccino with chocolate sauce, caramel sauce, extra espresso, foam and whipped cream on top to go. Got it," she said as she began turning on the blender beside her, leaving everyone to wonder how was she doing this without an electric outlet or magic.

Fast forward

In the midst of the crystal tower, a unicorn found herself trapped within a wall of tall, dark gems that surrounded her and she found herself unable to get out of. Even if she tried to teleport herself out of the circle of stones, she was instantly thrown back in. "How could I have been so foolish," she asked to herself as she tried tp push the walls back, but with no avail, "I was just so eager to get it! Then when I saw what was going on outside, I..."

"You have to get out of there, Twilight," called out Spike from the other side. He was not trapped, but large, dark crystals were sprouting out around him. Beside him lay the Crystal Heart, but he was unable to reach it, due to the promise he made that he would not interfere with Twilight's mission. "You have to be the one who brings the Heart to Princess Cadance! If you don't, you'll fail Celestia's test!"

Around him, more and more gems were sprouting up and he lifted each of his feet up to avoid being stabbed by any one of them. Outside, the barrier was failing more and already a large part of the landscape was turning back to the desolate, shadowed form it had been over a millenia ago.

"King Sombra is already attacking the Empire. He could reach the Crystal Ponies at any moment," Twilight said, being able to see even through the gem barrier at the events taking place. "Reach Princess Cadance, my brother, my friends. There may not be enough time for me to find a way to escape," she said worriedly. She pondered for a few seconds before turning towards the other side of the barrier towards Spike.

"You have to be the one to bring the Crystal Heart to the Faire," she stated.

"Me? But Twilight," he tried to banter, but she shushed him before he could speak further.

"Go," she ordered.

"But," he tried again as larger crystals started to come up.

"Goooo!"

"Wait a minute! Hold up, I got it," he suddenly said. He hunkered down towards the crystal barrier like an athlete getting ready to run the course of a race. His eyes narrowed and his muscles tensed as he visualized his goal.

"Spike! What are you doing?! Go," Twilight called, and that was all the start he needed. In an instant, he started charging through the gems, chomping and breaking through each and every one of them, till he finally reached the gem barrier. In just a few large chomps and some huge swallows, the fence was immediately gone and Twilight was now free. And in the midst of the once jagged crystal-filled room was now a groaning baby dragon with an oversized stomach.

"Spike," she said surprised and tried to reach him, but already the crystals were beginning to sprout again. Wasting no time that she had, she suddenly picked up the dragon with her magic, just as a long, ladder-like crystal sprouted just outside the tower she was in. As she began leaping down, Spike spat out several pieces of the dark crystals and groaned.

"Oh man. The stuff... ugh... tastes like licorice. Blech... black licorice," he moaned.

Twilight gave him a sympathetic look before turning her attention back to the balcony where Princess Cadence and her brother already were.

A minute later the entire crystal Empire was bathed in glowing, beautiful light that broke away and banished all the darkness and shadows away.

Fast forward

Dear Princess Celestia,

I am pleased to announce that the threat to the Crystal Empire had been eliminated and the empire is safe and may begin to rebuild itself for the first time in a millennium. I have learned any things on my trip here, to name a few, I learned that Spike makes a crucial ally to our forces for his talent of devouring Sombra's crystals, that when supporting a magic barrier it is important to fuel up on as much energy-packed drinks and foods such as coffee and energy bars and that originally we could've gotten rid of Sombra by sucking up him and his misty form with a power vacuum and then sent both into a ravine never to be heard or seen from again. But anyways, it all turned out well in the end. I await further instruction when me and my friends arrive back to Canterlot.

Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle

Celestia and Luna both hovered above the recent letter sent to them. While Celestia was stunned into silence after reading it, Luna suddenly turned and nudged her sister with her elbow lightly.

"Well sister, you were right. Apparently she was prepared for this," Luna commented, drawing a triumphant smile on her face while an irritated glare was sent towards her way. "By the way, should we go do an extra check up of around the Crystal Empire to make sure no traces of Sombra or his shadows remain?" Celestia sighed and shook her head.

"No Luna. I'm sure everything will be just fine."

Meanwhile, in a secluded cave somewhere in the frigid, arctic landscape, a red, curved horn stuck out if a mound of snow and began glowing lightly as a small pool of darkness surrounded it.