Beloved Wife

He stared at the out at the lake. What was he going to do now? She was gone. Lost to him forever. He wanted nothing more than to join her, but he had promised. Promised her that he would carry on.

The cold dreary day called to him. It was the first time he had left his house since she had gone. *Why? Why did you go? You were my other half, my better half. We promised each other forever, but you didn't keep your promise! I'm still here, but you're gone. You left me to all alone, Julianna. Why? Why couldn't you have stayed with me? What did I do that was so horrible? Was it my fault? Was it yours? I don't understand, and I wish I could. I wish I knew why you couldn't stay with me any longer.*

He walked the beach as he had a thousand times with her over the course of their 10 year marriage. *I miss you Julianna. More than you could ever know. More than I even knew. I don't understand why you left. Maybe I never will. As long as your happy, I'll survive. That's all I ever wanted for you, Julianna. I only wanted you to be happy. I hope you find the peace you didn't find at the end.


 * There was so much we didn't get to do. So much I wanted to show you. I wanted to show you the world, put it at your feet. Instead all I could give you was an occasional weekend at a nice hotel. I wanted to you to see our children grow up. I wanted to give you everything. But in the end I couldn't give you what you really needed. My love simply wasn't enough to keep you here with me. I wish it had been.*

His feet took him across the sand and through the small park. When he looked up he found himself in front of her new home. His knees buckled and he buried his face into his hand. *Oh God, Julianna, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You have no idea how much I love you. How much I cherished you. I don't know if I can go on without you. How am I supposed to go on? You were my one true love, my happiness, my everything. What am I supposed to do now? How can I live with a half a heart? Without my soul?* The sobs came as they had never come before. He grieved for what he had lost, and for the first time, he grieved for his wife, who now slept here.

He would never again wake up with her beside him. Her comforting warmth would never be there when he crept into bed after a long day. He would never again know her gentle touch when he had a bad day, or her silky skin underneath his palms when her day was rough.

How was he going to go on? Every fiber of his being screamed for him to join her. That it wasn't over for them. That their love was eternal. That it was made forever, that nothing could part them, not even this. But he knew that this was final. There was no turning back for his beloved Julianna. She had left him, and it wasn't fair, but that's what happened.

He wiped the tears from his eyes and stared at her home. She would be there for an eternity. "I love you Julianna. I always will." He whispered, lifting his hand up to touch the stone marker. He forced himself to his feet and stared down at the marker.

Juliana DeSantos March 23, 1978-January 25, 2008 Beloved Wife and Trust Friend May she sleep with the angels

He turned and walked toward his house, now an empty shell without her joy, her warmth.