Bao Mingzhu

BIOS
eXtreme seXy eXplosion:

Mingzhu is a waitress at a Beijing restaurant that is in danger of being bulldozed due to complaints of such problems as poor marketing and health code standards unless enough funds are raised to help save it from being shut down permanently. In order to earn the money necessary, she competes in MaX eXXposure's eXtreme seXy eXplosion tournament with the hopes that he will give her that money if she manages to win so that the restaurant can stay in business.

X-CITERS
Huī Quán (Wave Fist): Mingzhu concentrates her qi, which manifests as bluish-white fire, into a fireball, which she then fires from her right or left hand, dealing two hits total if it connects. When the move is Meter-Burned, she fires a second qi fireball from her left or right hand first, with the first two projectile attacks dealing one hit each, then a triple-hitting, larger qi fireball from both hands for five hits total. (Clothes Destroy: No)

Sùshè Quántóu (Rapid-Fire Fist): Mingzhu rushes towards her opponent with a face-aimed kung-fu jab and, upon one of the punch buttons being pressed again after it was used to perform the X-Citer, a kung-fu gut strike, which she can then chain into a qi-infused double-palm push if a punch button is pressed after the two punches or a qi-infused flying kick if a kick button is pressed. Meter Burn, in addition to adding a second, also-punch-pressed face jab before the final attack, also makes the qi it generates more powerful. (Clothes Destroy: No if normal; yes if Meter-Burned)

Lóngjuănfēng Shàngshēng (Rising Tornado): Mingzhu jumps into the air, her qi-infused right or left leg raised and spinning at a 720° clockwise or counter-clockwise angle, dealing two hits total if the attack connects. Meter Burn, in addition to making the qi the spinning kick generates more powerful, also adds 180 additional degrees and one additional hit to it. Useful as an anti-air move. (Clothes Destroy: Yes)

Făng Shā Xīn Yuè (Spinning Crescent): Mingzhu does a qi-infused jumping spinning crescent kick that sends her opponent flying backwards and knocks them down onto the ground if it connects. Meter Burn increases the damage and range of the attack. (Clothes Destroy: Yes)

Qì Shūyè (Qi Infusion): Mingzhu supercharges her fists and feet with qi. In this state, her qi attacks become more powerful and do more damage. Cannot be Meter-Burned. (Clothes Destroy: No)

XXX-PLOSION ATTACK
Lóng Nü Fúwùyuán (Dragon Waitress): Mingzhu lets out a martial arts yell and rushes towards her opponent with a flying kick that stumbles the opponent, then, as soon as they get back up, proceeds to deliver a series of swift kung fu punches and kicks to them and finishes by uppercutting them high into the air. Afterwards, while the opponent is still very high in the air, a vision of the restaurant she works at having been completely demolished appears in front of Mingzhu, much to her shock, "Méiyŏu (no)... Not the restaurant!", and she then channels her qi and jumps at them in a rage, with tears flying from her eyes, with a qi-infused flying kick, during which the camera focuses on both the waitress and the foe at the same time and the Chinese characters "龍女服務員" appear behind them for four seconds until they explode, damaging the character on the receiving end of the XXX-plosion Attack. (Clothes Destroy: Yes)

WIN QUOTES
(mirror match) Huh? Did I eat something weird last night?

(vs. Pua) They actually eat raw fish where you come from? So did we, back in ancient times!

(vs. Emi) To think we Chinese people eat cats is a barbaric stereotype. You should know that by now.

(vs. Lisa) So... When's your new movie coming out in China? ...In about two to three months' time? Fine by me!

(vs. Papillon) A performer in Peking opera I saw had the whole butterfly thing going on in her outfit, too!

(vs. Jay Bailey) So foul of mouth and ill of manners... It's time I beat some decency into you!

(vs. Antonia) Western boxers only use their fists to fight? Why can't they use their legs as well?

(vs. Shahrzad) So... Tell me about military rations. Are they really as bad as they say?

(vs. Maria) Of course we have vegetarian options! You could try our huāshēng zhīma miàntiáo (peanut sesame noodles) or dòufu biān chăo (tofu stir-fry).

(vs. Trudy) A philanthropist, you say? Maybe you could donate a portion of your wealth to helping the restaurant?

(vs. Honua) Here, eat up! You need enough protein in your diet to keep those muscles going.

(vs. Kwang) It's important to get the nutrients necessary before you compete, you know!

(vs. Muriel) Sorry, I'm not interested in European pop. I only listen to traditional Chinese music.

(vs. Ailis) No assassination attempts in the restaurant! Do you want us to face more closure risk?

(vs. Camila) Those sword techniques of yours are pretty cool! Ever consider learning jian wu?

(vs. Olga) What do you call this kind of fighting you do? "Kung fu ballet?"

(vs. MaX) Now you know. Not even disgusting perverts like you can get between me and the restaurant!

(vs. Athena) Well... I guess I'm not the only practitioner of ancient fighting techniques around here anymore.

(vs. Jae-sang) If you use your technological know-how to make cool kitchen gadgets, we could help save the restaurant!

(vs. Feramulher) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't try to eat the flesh off me! Here, have some xiaolongbao instead.

(vs. Seireen) Get away from me, yāomó yòuhuò (demon temptress)! I'm not yours for the devouring! Why can't you try real food?

(vs. Elisabeta) You kill demons in the name of the Christian God? Wow! Have you heard of yaoguai?

(vs. Nkosazana) Sorry, but your modern MMA can never keep up with my ancient kung fu techniques!

(vs. Zoe) Never, HAVE I EVER, seen a white Australian wrestle, or heck, even eat, like the tŭzhù rénmín (indigenous people) do.

(vs. Valerie) Wait... You're telling me that MSG is bad and that we should keep it out of our food in the future?

(vs. Pizza Girl) You fight to promote a restaurant in America, and I to save another in China. That's the difference between us!

(vs. Qingmei) I thought just by looking at you that they were doing a Chinese stage version of "Frozen."

(vs. Jodiana) It'll probably upset you that my zhíchăng (workplace) serves some of your undersea friends as food.

(vs. Maggie) You may be a dangerous xíngshì (criminal), all right, but at least you're not one of those Triad jerks!

(vs. Rita) Wait... You're a policewoman? I was hoping you'd dress up like a certain other policewoman in my country...

MISC. INFO
Voice Actress: Stephanie Sheh (Naruto)

Rival: Lisa Ukume

Stage: Yùgōng Dining Hall

Clothes Destroy Animation: The skirt part of her qipao explodes to shreds, revealing a pair of white panties.

Intro Sequence: Mingzhu dynamically jumps into the fight, carrying a dim sum basket in her right or left hand, asking, "Maybe you'd like to try our dim sum?", then throws the basket off-screen and goes into her fighting stance, declaring, "Méiyŏu (no), let's save that for after this fight!"

Round Win Sequence: Mingzhu does a couple of kung fu kicks with her right or left leg, then a one-legged kung fu pose, saying, "There's no fighting with no eating!", before going into her fighting stance again.

Outro Sequence: Mingzhu does three kung fu kicks with her right or left leg, then, after two seconds, lets out a martial arts yell, runs towards the camera for two additional seconds, and the sequence freezes on her as she jumps at the camera with a flying kick.

PROLOGUE
(The first mid-narration cut takes us to a panoramic landscape of downtown Beijing, where harmonious traditional Chinese music is heard in the background.)

Mingzhu: (narrating) ''Nĭ hăo! Běijīng huānyíng nĭ''. (Hi! Beijing welcomes you.) ...Of course, some people still call it "Peking."

(We then see, in the second mid-narration cut, some of the millions of people who live in the city walking around the place, minding their own business.)

Mingzhu: (narrating) It's one of the world's oldest and most populous cities, known for its history and culture.

(Next, in the third and final mid-narration cut, we see the interior of the Yùgōng restaurant, where customers can be seen eating or waiting for their food to arrive.)

Mingzhu: (narrating) But, it doesn't stop there. It's also known for one of its best restaurants, and my workplace, Yùgōng (Jade Palace). For me, it's kind of stressful having to take order after order, don't you think? (arriving, carrying loads of food orders in her hands, one on top of the other, being careful not to drop even one, and serving a customer at the restaurant a bowl of vegetarian hot and sour soup) Here's your food, xiānshēng (sir).

Yùgōng Customer: (taking his food) Xièxiè (Thank you). (starts eating right away)

Mingzhu: All right, just a few more orders left to take and...

(Then, an older Chinese man, nearing the twilight of his life, who is balding at the top of his head and wears glasses, shows up in front of Mingzhu at the restaurant lobby.)

Yùgōng Manager (voiced by James Hong): Mingzhu, I need your help, now. My restaurant is currently going through all sorts of problems, like health code violations! And poor work ethic! Etc., etc., etc.!

Mingzhu: Shì, shì (yes, yes), I know that already, xiānshēng (sir).

Yùgōng Manager: Well, unless you do something fast enough, this place will be demolished, leaving us all unemployed, and much worse, homeless on the street!

Mingzhu: All right, all right. You don't need to yell. I mean, it kind of freaks me out when you yell, you know?

Yùgōng Manager: (handing Mingzhu an envelope) Here, take this. It came in the mail for you.

Mingzhu: (opens the envelope, then reads the letter it contains) "Ms. Bao, you have been cordially invited to compete on my show/fighting tournament, eXtreme seXy eXplosion. Sincerely, yours truly, MaX eXXposure!" I've also heard that the winner of the tournament gets to win the ten-million-dollar prize.

Yùgōng Manager: Yes, sure, do take part in that tournament by all means. We could use that prize money to help the restaurant anyway.

Mingzhu: All right, I'll try my best! (walks off)

Yùgōng Manager: Zhù nĭ hăoyùn zài nàlĭ. (Good luck out there.)

(Lastly, we cut to Mingzhu at one of the restaurant's kitchen sinks, hurriedly washing half of the dishes, with the other half having already been washed.)

Mingzhu: (narrating) I'm not letting Yùgōng be torn down permanently, no how! ...Just a few... Bù, bù, děng yīxià (no, no, wait), LOTS more plates left...

RIVAL BATTLE - vs. Lisa Ukume
(Cut to a beachside arena in California, surrounded by log fencing and marble statues of bikini-clad women, with several people, men making up the majority, in attendance, standing on wooden bleachers, where Lisa and Mingzhu stand a foot away from each other, looking at each other.)

Announcer: All right, dudes and dudettes (well, mostly dudes, considering that this is a dudette vs. dudette fight), the match you are about to watch is the last one before the winner goes off to face the tournament host, MaX eXXposure! (the audience cheers) So, without further ado... (motioning to Mingzhu as she enters) On the left side is, from Beijing, China, the "Dragon Waitress," Bao Mingzhu! (motioning to Lisa as she enters) On the right side is, originally from Lagos, Nigeria, now residing in London, England, the silver-screen seductress, Lisa Ukume!

Mingzhu: So... You're that British actress I've heard so much about, aren't you?

Lisa: Indeed, I am. And, I don't know who you are, but... Do you have time to face me before the release of my newest film, "The Difference of Color?"

Mingzhu: I know I'm going to regret having to beat up a celebrity, but... (going into her fighting stance) lái ba (bring it on)!

Lisa: ...I could really use a massage after this. (goes into her fighting stance as well)

FINAL BOSS BATTLE - vs. MaX eXXposure
(After the fight, a badly-beaten Lisa is down on one knee and one hand.)

Mingzhu: Sorry to have to get so rough on you, Ukume xiaojie (Miss Ukume). I promise I'll make it up to you with a free meal over at my workplace.

Lisa: Really? Oh, thank you! You know, I've never been given a chance to eat out for free in my life.

Mingzhu: (kneeling down to massage Lisa's strained neck and shoulders, applying gentle pressure there) There, does that feel good?

Lisa: (her eyes closed with bliss) Mmmmmm... ♥ Yes.

Mingzhu: (helping Lisa up) I'm going to go and see if the tournament host can help me save Yùgōng back home in Beijing. (walking off) Huítóu jiàn, Ukume xiaojie! (See you later, Miss Ukume!)

Lisa: Until we meet again at your workplace!

(Cut to the eXtreme seXy eXplosion live show stage, three seconds later.)

MaX: (appearing on stage) Looking at the bill he just received, a guy at a restaurant was bewildered to learn how expensive it was. He asked, "OK... Who ordered the tax?"

Audience: (off-screen) BOOOOOO! (they start throwing plastic cutlery and paper plates at MaX)

MaX: ...Oh, don't forget to tip your waitress.

Woman: (off-screen) Leave me outta this!

MaX: (calling out) What, you having sex in there or something? ...Anyways, speaking of waitresses, allow me to welcome today's guest! (Mingzhu appears on stage waving to the audience's cheers) Great to have you on my show, Miss Bao. (takes Mingzhu's hand and kisses her there as a welcome greeting) I'll have one CRAZY hot Asian with a side order of major boobage, please! Coming RIIIIIIGHT up!

Mingzhu: That's what some of the male customers I've served said when they tried to go anywhere near my spicy-hot breasts, which earned them a lifetime ban from my workplace.

MaX: Of freaking COURSE you have spicy-hot breasts! And, that's exactly, and undoubtedly, why you were invited to compete by me, MaX eXXposure, host of this reality show, slash fighting tournament!

Mingzhu: You know why else I was invited to compete in this jìngzhēng (tournament)? Because I want to save the restaurant I work at from being bulldozed with no chance of being rebuilt, ever.

MaX: If you beat me and win eXtreme seXy eXplosion, you can have your ten-million-dollar prize to do just that! If you lose, however, you're gonna be mine forever!

Mingzhu: Shénme (what)? Eww! What kind of man would ever stoop to doing something so creepy?

MaX: When I win and make you my bed buddy, you're gonna have me begging for seconds!

Mingzhu: You won't be begging for a second chance any time soon. Now, are you going to help me save the restaurant... (going into her fighting stance) or risk any higher chances of the place getting shut down for good? Your choice, huāxīn dà luóbo (womanizer).

MaX: You know what? If you're gonna reject my hanky-panky offer... (going into his fighting stance as well) there's nothing I can't do to change your mind!

ENDING
(After the fight, a badly-beaten MaX is down on one knee and one hand.)

Mingzhu: Now, where's the prize money you owe me to help save my workplace? If you don't hand it over, you're going to be sorry!

MaX: (handing Lisa a check for $10,000,000) A-all right, fine. Take the prize money you wanted. You're gonna need it more than I do.

Mingzhu: (taking the check) Well... Xièxiè, I guess. Now, to stop those demolition jerks from tearing down the restaurant...

(Later, Mingzhu is back home in Beijing at daytime, where Yùgōng is about to be torn down. All but one of the demolition workers, who is African-American, are ethnically Chinese.)

Mingzhu: HEY! Not so fast! You're not going to demolish... (pointing to the restaurant she works at) that restaurant over there!

Demolition Foreman: Why in the name of Diyu would you say such a thing?

Mingzhu: Because I won the eXtreme seXy eXplosion tournament, slash reality show, and now I have the jiăngjīn (prize money) necessary to help save it!

Demolition Foreman: Ugh, they keep sending women to try to speak their minds against us, instead of men. Figuratively and literally, but mostly figuratively!

African-American Demolition Worker: Look, woman, I don't play wit' nobody's ass 'less it looks big, round, juicy, and squishy enough for a good grindin', a'ight? You better watch yo' mouth, now, or we break our foot off in yo' bitch ass.

Mingzhu: You wouldn't want to hit a woman, would you? ...All right, that's it. You jerks are asking for a good beatdown!

(The confrontation then escalates into a choreographed martial arts fight that lasts all of 45 seconds and ends with Mingzhu knocking out all of her opponents. Soon afterwards, the beat-up demolition workers who were about to shut down the restaurant are now in a pile, groaning in pain, with swirly eyes and stars spinning above their heads. We're then taken to the inside of the restaurant, where the Kameāloha sisters, Emi, Lisa, Papillon, Antonia, Shahrzad, Maria, Trudy, Muriel, Kwang, Camila, Olga, Athena, Jae-sang, Feramulher, Elisabeta, Nkosazana, Zoe, Valerie, and Pizza Girl are seen eating or waiting for their food alongside the other customers, during which some harmonious traditional Chinese music can be heard.)

Pua: (eating a hybrid of pork fried rice and ahi poke from a bowl) Oh, wow! This hybrid pork fried rice and poke bowl is SO delicious! It's the best thing since sliced bread!

Mingzhu: (serving Feramulher a cooked Chinese paddlefish on a giant plate) And... here's the jùxíng yú (giant fish) you ordered, fūrén (ma'am).

Feramulher: Yum, yum, this look delicious! Eu comer (me eat)! (quickly, step-by-step, gobbles up the whole fish in an animalistic manner, leaving only the bones, but somehow not becoming fat)

Yùgōng Manager: (in awe of Feramulher's achievement) Wow. I haven't seen a woman eat so much fish since Nüxìng tóngxìngliàn de dàng fù 3 (Sapphic Sluts 3). Great lesbian porno movie, wasn't it?

Yùgōng Assistant Manager: Shì (yes), I liked that movie, too. It was one of the sexiest Chinese porno movies that ever came out in the '80s. I mean, the lesbian scenes were SPICY hot!

Yùgōng Manager: I thought the same of them, too. (holding out his cup of oolong tea in front of everyone present in the restaurant lobby) All right, everyone, tīng hăole (listen up). I would like to propose a toast to a very special woman who fought in the eXtreme seXy eXplosion tournament and earned the prize money necessary to stop the demolition of this restaurant, and who deserves the honor of being named Běn Yuè de Yuángōng (Employee of the Month) for her valiant efforts. Dàjiā (everyone)! (raising his tea in the air) To Mingzhu! To the woman who helped save Yùgōng!

Pua and Friends: (raising their drink glasses, along with the other patrons in the restaurant) To Mingzhu! To the woman who helped save Yùgōng!

Mingzhu: Oh... ♥ I could never thank you more for the praise you gave me for my heroics in saving this place.

(Cut to pre-credits roll, where Bomb Factory's "Deadly Silence Beach" starts playing starts playing as we are treated to short animations of all the characters, shown in full-body, in their home stages, with the names of their voice actors/actresses on their left or right. Afterwards, the credits start rolling and the song continues playing.)

DID YOU KNOW?

 * Mingzhu's hypothetical voice actress, Stephanie Sheh, is best known for voicing Hinata Hyuga in the Naruto anime.
 * A Chun-Li reference can easily be seen in her character-specific win quote against Rita.