David Blair Goes To Hades (version 2)

David Blair, from Broughty Ferry, was originally appointed the Second Officer of the Titanic. He had been with the ship during its trial voyages to test the ship's seaworthiness and the final journey from its place of construction in Belfast. The White Star Line, however, decided that with the Titanic's sister ship, the RMS Olympic, currently undergoing layovers, to have the Olympic's Chief Officer, Henry Wilde take the position, citing his experience with ships of the Titanic's class as a reason. Chief Officer William Murdoch and First Officer Charles Lightoller were thus demoted one-step in rank, removing Blair from the command roster. Blair wrote about the disappointment of losing his position on the Titanic in a postcard to his sister-in-law days before the Titanic left for Southampton, remarking, "This is a magnificent ship, I feel very disappointed I am not to make her first voyage." When Blair left the Titanic on 9 April 1912 he took with him the key to the Crow's nest locker, presumably by accident. This was the reason why Lookouts Reginald Lee and Frederick Fleet had no binoculars. They testified this during the inquiries into the sinking of the Titanic. David Blair thus was found guilty and was sentenced to an eternity in Hades. The Lucifer Express came and took Blair to Hades. There Lucifer said his most famous line “Welcome, David Blair! I've been expecting you! Here’s your shovel! Head down to the furnace of Hades and start shoveling coal into it. Work well and you will be treated decent! Work badly and you will know a new meaning of the word pain!" Then, as an example, Lucifer took out his trident-shaped pitchfork and zapped Blair in the butt with blue Force lightning. Blair said “Aaaargh! Make it stop! Make it stop!” and then he said “All right! All right! I obey!” So he took his shovel, headed to the furnace of Hades, and started shoveling coal with Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini, Emperor Hirohito, Joseph Stalin, Vladimir Lenin, Mao Zedong, Genghis Khan, Idi Amin Dada, Gaddafi, Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden, and all the other bad people down in Hades. One day, Blair was talking to Idi Amin and Adolf Hitler. Lucifer heard them talking and went up to them. He told them "Get back to work and shovel the coal!" Blair went back to work right away but Hitler said "I've had enough of this poop!" Lucifer poked Hitler in the butt and said "Shut up your face, you Fascist pig!" Hitler said "Ouch!" and then started his shoveling.