How Homer's Enemy should have ended

Grimes: Oh, I, I can't stand it any longer. This whole plant is insane. Insane, I tell you! (screams; runs out of the auditorium, and into an equipment room) I can be lazy too! (takes his tie off, and moons one of the technicians) Look at me! Hi, I'm a worthless employee, just like Homer Simpson! Give me a promotion! (waddles into the break room like a penguin, cross-eyed, and grabs two donuts from the box) Ooh, I eat like a slob, but nobody minds! (eats in an exaggeratedly slobbish fashion; heads into a bathroom; from the bathroom) I'm peeing on the seat. Give me a raise! (emerges from the bathroom and waves his hands in Homer's face) Now I'm returning to work without washing my hands. But it doesn't matter, because I'm Homer Simpson! (runs to Homer's work station and spins around in the chair) I don't need to do my work, 'cause someone else will do it for me. (slapping his forehead) D’oh, d’oh, d’oh!

Homer: Hey, you okay, Grimey?

Grimes: I'm better than okay. I'm Homer Simpson.

Homer: (chuckles) You wish.

Grimes: (notices Mr. Burns has walked in) Oh, hi, Mr. Burns. I'm the worst worker in the world. Time to go home to my mansion and eat my lobster! (walks up to some dangerous-looking wires) What's this? (reads sign) "Extremely high voltage" Well, I don't need safety gloves, because I'm…

Smithers: Frank Grimes, (jumps in slow-mo) STOOOOOOP!!! (pushes Grimes away from the wires, normal speed)

Grimes: What the hell are you doing?

Smithers: I was trying to save you from an electrifying death. You DO know that you need safety gloves to operate these wires, right? Even Homer Simpson's smart enough to know that.

Grimes: I don’t care! This nuclear power plant has driven me off the wall! You’re all insane!

Carl: Well, look what the power plant did to you. It’s just a coincidence that Homer won a power plant designing contest for children, not insanity. You claim that this power plant is insane, and in the end, YOU’RE the one who’s insane this whole time.

Grimes: (suddenly realizes) …My God, you’re right. What have I done? I was just really jealous that Homer gets to live in a two-story home, to have a wonderful life, a polite family, a genius daughter, a beautiful wife, a son who owned a factory, afford lobsters for dinner and a load of other things that I don’t get to have!

Homer: You were jealous of me? Grimey, look. My family is not as perfect as it seems. Sure, I may be an idiot, but my family also has flaws. For instance, my son, Bart, is a huge troublemaker. He also got really bad grades in school. He once got a D-, barely passed to keep himself from repeating the fourth grade, but after that, it seems like he’s been going through the fourth grade almost forever, and I don’t know why. Plus, I already have an enemy of my own – Ned Flanders, that religion-obsessed neighbor of mine.

Mr. Burns: Frank Grimes, you’re fired for insane behavior and nearly getting yourself killed!

Homer: Ah, just in time.

(Homer and Frank go outside)

Homer: Before you go, I want you to have this. (shows Frank his concept car, the Homer) Since I accidentally dented your car, I'm giving you another one: my one-of-a-kind concept car, the Homer.

Grimes: Someone made a car named after you?!

Homer: Yes, I was working in Powell Motors, a company formerly owned by my half-brother, Herb.

Grimes: You had a brother too?!

Homer: Yeah, but it didn’t work out. Herb recruited me to design a car for his company. I wanted the car to be designed for the average man.

Grimes: That car looks like an insane man built it!

Homer: I know. And the real kicker is the price.

Grimes: How much would the Homer have cost?

Homer: $82,000.

Grimes: (gasps) Holy crap! That's one expensive car!

Homer: Yeah, that price really ruined Herb’s company. He treated everyone like a jerk, and blamed me for ruining Powell Motors. I really didn’t mean to do it. Then, he came back, and later gave me a massage chair. Anyway, I’ve got a nice place where you can stay. (writes down an address)

Grimes: What’s this, an address?

Homer: Yeah. It’s the address for Ruth Powers, she’s a divorced mother. Ruth and Marge had an adventure once. Bart also had a crush on her teenage daughter, Laura, who seemed to be like a big sister to him, but after they pulled a prank on Jimbo, Bart never saw Laura again.

Grimes: Is Ruth a nice person?

Homer: I guess so.

Grimes: Fair enough. Homer, I’m sorry for acting like a fool in your workplace.

Homer: It’s okay, I forgive you.

Grimes: Even though I had many hardships, and despite you being an idiot, I would say that you're a nice person, Homer.

Homer: Thanks, Grimey. I promise to stay out of your life and you should stay out of mine.

Grimes: Deal. (gets into the Homer) Goodbye, Homer Simpson, this was one heck of an adventure. (drives out of the power plant, honks La Cucaracha, but goes in the wrong lane, where a spike strip pops all of his car tires) D’OH!