The most cliched pasta in the history in the universe

I used to be normal, and you won't believe this, but this entire thing happened. Seriously. Don't read this, or you'll be cursed. I can't write too much into detail, because I'm gonna die soon.

Like, I was an intern at Pop cap Games, but then I saw a garage sale. I went there and found someone was selling Pokemon Hyper-realistic dead edition 666 and Spongebob's Dead Truth Part 0. He was begging me to buy them. Well, Not exactly “buy”, because he gave them for free. He told me that they were both about his dead goldfish or some stupid shit like that. After that, the guy died and the garage sale vanished. The cartridges were written in black sharpie (Oooh, sharpie! So spooky!). I checked online to find out nobody else knew about these two things. I checked my e-mail to see if anything happened, and some guy I don't know sent me “Super Mario Death.smc”, a rom-hack of Super Mario World. The message said nothing other than “This game is a must-play.”

Lately, I have not trusted anonymous people, but I downloaded it.

Then I dug a spot into my game collection to put Pokemon Hyper-realistic dead edition in, then I found Sonic Adventure 2. I remember this game. I had a bunch of chao, but one I named “Roxy” was my favorite. I put it in to relive some nostalgia.

However, I felt kind of worried, because some of the stuff I did is quite creepypasta-ish. But I didn't care. I wanted to boot up my favorite childhood game. I went to the Chao Garden, and selected Tails, because he's my second favorite Sonic Character (Espio's my favorite, but he's not in the game.)

Everything was okay. Roxy was the same as always, and all my chaos greeted me. I fed them all, and went to the normal game to grab some nodes to power up Roxy. When I got a full set of them and returned to the chao garden, I saw some bad sights.

My chaos, not including Roxy, were all staring at me. One I called Chaolin went up to me and said “Give us the nodes...”. I asked why. She replied. “You give that pathetic Roxy all the attention. You never care about us. We're just inferior dolls to you.” Afterwards, one of them I didn't even bother to name (I didn't give half a smeerp's rotting ass about that one) jumped up to Tails and brutally beat him up. Somehow, Tails was still alive. Tails asked why the Chao didn't put him out of his misery, crying a river. It replied “I didn't kill you, because I want you to suffer. You don't care about any of us aside from that stupid Roxy? Why is he so special to you, Fox boy?”

Lovely. My entire Chao garden is going against me. Roxy was horrified by this, and tackled the Chao. The two of them fought. Roxy, since I actually bothered to train him, was much stronger than his opponent. The Chao didn't even stand a chance. Roxy devoured him brutally. Chaolin then confronted him, and actually bit him. Roxy punched her in the face, then choke-held her. He then jumped into the water and stuck Chaolin's face into it. She eventually drowned.

Ludicrous as the fight was, I thought it was pretty cool. Roxy walked up to Tail, and said “They're gone. Those monsters are gone! Cackle Now it's just you and me! Nothing will stand in our way, Lucas! *Another Cackle*” This greatly shocked me. I never knew Roxy knew my name! I never mentioned it in the game! Or is he calling Tails that? This is so confusing!

He grabbed Tails's hand and dragged him into the downstairs garden. I paused the game and went to turn on the computer, because I wanted to calm my nerves. My computer changed its background to that creepy “Fun is infinite” easter egg from Sonic CD. I thought this was just a glitch. But then I saw some of my files were re-arranged. From start to finish: Kirby.jpg (A kirby drawing I did), ImageEditor.jar, Lunar Magic.exe, Lol.txt (Don't remember what I made this for.), Team Fortress 2.exe, Hearthstone.exe, ExamGuard.exe, Mario.exe, A potato.png, Llama.png, and Lucas (Folder). I thought this was a weird arrangement, but then I took the first letters of them. K, I, L, L, T, H, E, M, A, L, L. I dunno what that means.

Ending that was a noise from the TV. “Get back here, idiot!”. It was Roxy. I went over to the TV, and he unpaused the game. I saw the spirits of Chaolin and that other moron. Roxy said “It's not over yet! We need to dispose of the other chao! Kill them all!”.

Loosely, I found a connection between the two. Roxy is tampering with my computer! I selected Exit Game and went in with Shadow instead. When I entered the normal chao garden, nobody was there. So I went to the downstairs one. Roxy was there.

“Pathetic fool. Only the orange fox will do!”, Roxy said before he murdered Shadow very brutally.

My heart was beating, and I heard a voice in my head saying “Kill them all!”. Then Roxy rose from the bottom of the screen and said “Look behind you.” I looked behind me, and there was a Chao plushie. Said plushie looked like Roxy. He was holding a disc, and a note. The disc was Sonic Adventure 2. The note said “This is the real disc. That last one was a joke. Sorry about that. Here you go.”

Egh. That was a cruel joke. I took the SA2 case and put in the real Sonic Adventure 2. I threw the other one out the window. I decided to calm my nerves with Spongebob's Dead Truth, since Spongebob always calmed me down (When it isn't a season 5 onwards episode). I booted up the episode, then a title card said “THE HORRIBLE TRUTH ABOUT SPONGEBOB”. It was a theory episode. This was the transcript:

Patchy: Ahoy there, mateys! Potty: Squawk! Tell them about Spongebob's true self! Patchy: Potty! That's not good for the kids! Potty: Squawk! Do it. Patchy: I would ruin millions of childhoods across the world! Potty: Squawk! Might as well kill them all! Patchy: ...But- Potty: [Holding out a knife, with blood coming from his beak, and his eyes not having sockets) do... it. Patchy: ...[Sigh] All right. Guess I have no choice... Potty: Squawk. Don't screw it up, or else you will die. Patchy: Okay, I get it. You say this every time. I know I'm your slave. I know I will die if I mess up once. Shut up about it. Potty: DID YOU JUST TELL ME TO SHUT UP!?!? (This was deafeningly loud. I tried to lower the volume, but it kept the same volume level, no matter how much I pushed the button.) Patchy: Potty, calm your- Potty: YOU DO NOT SAY THIS TO THE DARK LORD! THE DARK LORD WILL NOT TAKE ANSWERS FROM A POOR PIRATE COSPLAYER! YOU ARE A PHONY! A PATHETIC PHONY THAT'S GOOD FOR NOTHING AND SMELLS LIKE A ROTTING CORPSE OF A SKUNK! Patchy: ...I'm sorry... Potty: THE DARK LORD DOES NOT TAKE SORRY AS AN ANSWER! SAY SORRY ONE MORE TIME, AND I WILL KILL THEM ALL! Patchy:... So... The truth is: All the characters are dead. They are in purgatory. Well, they would be, but the entire thing is in Gary's imagination. It also takes place in a radioactive apocalypse. Potty: Thank you. Patchy: Can I have a break now? Potty: … Patchy: … Potty: … Patchy: … Potty: … Patchy: … Potty: … Patchy: … Potty: … Patchy: … Potty: SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-

After that, it blacked out for three seconds, then came another title card. This time, it said “Goodbye Sandy”. Most of it was static, but I saw a few clips. They involved Sandy murdering the other characters. At the end, I could see another scene. It showed Sandy's eyes, growing bloodshot and jerking around to random places, showing her insanity. Then more static appeared. Then, the episode ended with Sandy committing suicide.

I did some research on Spongebob's Dead Truth, and it said that exactly 335 people commit suicide over the episode, and the creators of the tape were executed. I will never watch Spongebob ever again.

Now it's about time I delved into Pokemon Hyper-realistic dead edition. It was a rom-hack of Pokemon Y. The theme song sounded like it was making letters. It started with a K, then an I, then an L, then an- you know what, let's just cut to the chase. It spelled out “Kill them all”. I created a new file, then I chose my character (I chose the girl, because I can. Deal with it.), then named myself “Moon Snail”. It said the name was invalid. It removed all the letters aside from E, T, I, A, H, K, L, and M. I knew exactly what I had to type. My character was called “KillThemAll”.

When I got to choose my starter, I had a choice between Aegislash, Gengar and Sableye. I chose Aegislash, because honestly, screw the other two. My Aegislash had the moves Curse, Kill, Them and All. I used Curse. My opponent's Froakie died. By the way, this is 100% death. Not Faint, Death. So edgy.

I got the chance to nickname my Aegislash. I was prepared to know what I had to do. I named it KillThemAll. When I got to Lumiose city, the city was replaced by Lavender Town. Beforehand, I caught a Spiritomb, Misdreavus. Shuppet and Duskull. I then found a Shiny mew! I caught it.

The mew couldn't be nicknamed. I checked its stats, and its nature was Bloodthirsty, and its message was “Has Will to kill them all”. I left the stats menu to find my other 5 pokemon were killed. No way... Pokemon don't die... Do they?

I exited the pokemon menu, then moved on to the next route. I encountered some Unown. The first one was a K. You know exactly what's going to happen. After the unown, I saw a bloodied Sylveon. I just ignored it. Then, I saw a level 100 Mew! It had the moves Aura Sphere, Psychic, Dark Pulse and Shadow Ball. I knew EXACTLY what this mew was.

So, story time! My first Pokemon game was Soul Silver. My brother got a Cyndaquil. That Cyndaquil doesen't matter (Flametail, if you're reading this, don't take that as an offense. I still love you.). After a bit, I checked the Mystery Gift, and it gave me a Mew. I cherished this Mew. It was my first level 100. I brought it to Pokemon White, then over to Pokemon Y.

The Mew said “So, you replaced me, did ya? I'll show you! I am the only mew! Others exist, but I will kill them all!”. I explained to her/it/whatever what I didn't replace them, and I only caught the mew because it was available and I wanted it.

“I don't care! I am the only one!”. The mew killed my mew. When my mew died, it made a horribly distorted version of its original cry. It went back to the overworld, and my shiny mew was bloodied. The Mew said “If you really love me, go to your normal Pokemon Y!”. The Mew ultimately killed my character.

I took the card out and smashed it. But then it regenerated. I smashed it again, so I can't show any footage. I went to my normal Pokemon Y and played with Mew in the Amie for the rest of the day.

The next day, I decided to go for that Super Mario World Rom hack. I played it, expecting more “Kill them all” shenanigans, but when I accessed the first level, Mario was trapped in “Used” blocks, and an SMW version of Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up was playing in the background. Well, that was a waste of time.

I decided to sleep for the night, then I prayed to Shrek. “Shrek is love, Shrek is life”.

When I got into the bed, the guy that sold me Pokemon Hyper-realistic dead edition and Spongebob's dead truth appeared, and stabbed me. I was still alive. I saw that the said guy was actually Sonic.EXE. Then, Slenderman, Jeff the Killer, Happy Appy, Demon R.J., BRVR, Roxy, Red, The Blood Whistle, Ihsoy and Doge appeared. They all ganged up on me and I died.

I am Sonic.EXE, taking over this story. I have yet to kill them all, but when I get to that, you're next.

And then a skeleton popped out.