How The Fault in Our Stars Should Have Ended

Plot
A really horrible crackfic my friend and I came up with while crying at the movie.

Transcripy
I woke up to my phone singing s song by The Hectic Glow. Gus's favorite. That meant he was calling–or someone was calling from his phone. I glanced at the alarm clock. 2:35 AM. He's gone, I thought as everything inside of me collapsed into singularity.

I could barely creak out a "Hello?"

I waited for the sound of a parent's annihilated voice.

"Hazel Grace," Augustus said weakly.

"Oh, thank God it's you. Hi. Hi, I love you."

"Hazel Grace, I'm at the gas station. Something's wrong. You gotta help me."

"What? Where are you?"

"The Speedway at Eight-sixth and Ditch. I did something wrong with the G-tube and I can't figure it out and–"

"I'm calling nine-one-one," I said.

"No no no no no no, they'll take me to a hospital. Hazel, listen to me. Do not call nine-one-one or my parents or I will never forgive you don't please just come please just come and fix my goddamned G-tube. I'm just, God, this is the stupidest thing. I don't want my parents to know I'm gone. Please. I have the medicine with me; I just can't get it in. Please." He was crying. I'd never heard him sob like this except outside his house before Amsterdam.

"Okay," I said. "I'm leaving now."

I took the BiPAP off and connected myself to an oxygen tank, lifted the tank into my cart, and put on sneakers to go with my pink cotton pajama pants and a Butler basketball T-shirt, which had originally been Gus's. I grabbed the keys from the kitchen drawer where Mom kept them and wrote a note In case they woke up while I was gone.

Went to check on Gus. It's important. Sorry. Love, H

The entire ride there was full of loud Hectic Glow and hopeful glances in the review mirror. I was going above the speed limit in the hopes that a cop might chase me to the gas station and help me, but no such thing happened.

I saw the gas station a few blocks away and sped up. Three blocks...two blocks...a red light and...

I turned from the asphalt of the road to the asphalt of the gas station. Speed bumps are rather inconvenient to a person who needs to move fast. Then there was another speed bump, as if one wasn't enough. At least this one seemed smaller and less...

Something is wrong.

There are two cars in the parking lot, and Gus's driver seat door is wide open. Vomit coated the seat and dripped out of the side of the car.

"No, Gus, no." I stopped my car and jumped out as fast as I could. I ran to Gus's car, nearly slipping on the blood on the ground. I searched the backseat for him, but he was nowhere to be found.

"Gus!" I called "Augustus Waters! Where are you?"

"Hazel Grace." I could barely hear the whisper from near my car.

"Gus!" I ran in the direction of my car. "Gus!"

"Down here," he whispered.

I had run over him. What I thought was a speed bump was my boyfriend. "Gus, I'm so sorry..." And then I saw it.

Dangling from the corner of his mouth was a cigarette.

And it was lit.

"I love you, Hazel Grace..."

I smoothed his hair with my hand. "You shouldn't smoke," I said as he closed his eyes. "You might get cancer."

I stood up and turned around. As I put on my sunglasses, the cigarette made my car explode.

And I walked away like a boss.