Chris Cochrane's Story Collection Special Edition 8

I will not go to the Prime Reality and convince Riker to accept command of the USS Drake, nor the USS Aries, nor the USS Melbourne. Nor will I go to the alternate reality created by Nero and convince Uhura to stay on the USS Farragut. Nor will I convince Picard to accept promotion to Admiral and become Commandant of Starfleet Academy.

I cannot make the Netherrealm a living planet. In fact, no one can! The Netherrealm will always exist as a dead world.

I will not put a recorder in the Dragonzord's PA system and make it broadcast 'Go Go Godzilla' during a zord battle. Or any other music.

I will not make Admiral Marcus ally himself with the Klingons.

I will not modify the USS Enterprise NCC-1701 to land on a planet.

Mordox was one of the children of Rita Repulsa and Lord Zedd. He was tasked with destroying the Power Rangers. No, he will not steal Tor!

Delveckin was a Reman prisoner who escaped from Remus. He did not invent red matter to destroy Romulus, Vulcan, and Earth, nor will he align himself with the Klingons.

Darth Vader did not start the Jedi Order. The Jedi Order was formed over 25 thousand years before his birth. I will not make Darth Vader go back in time to over 25 thousand years before his birth and make him start the Jedi Order so that Vader can oppose his evil Sith Master, Emperor Palpatine!

I will not convince Uncle Owen to allow Luke Skywalker to attend the Imperial Academy, because Uncle Owen needs Luke for one more season.

I will not create a father for Anakin Skywalker. Anakin didn't have a father. He was a midichlorian. "The Chosen One" who would destroy the Sith and bring balance to the Force.

I will not have Dimitria impersonate Divatox to allow the Turbo Rangers into the Space Base, just because Divatox impersonated Dimitria to control the Blue Senturion.

I will not replace any mentor with the following: C-3PO, Jar Jar Binks, Captain Jack Sparrow, Bulk, Skull, Spike, Boom, or any other character I can think of that would make a terrible mentor.

I will not replace Alpha 5 or 6 with R2 D2 or C3PO. Or any other droid.

I will not refer to Commander Cruger as Odie, Snoopy or any other famous dog. EVER.

No, the Blue Fairy will not make Mack a real boy.

No matter how attractive the villainesses are, don't try to get on their good side by complimenting their looks or asking them out on dates.

Despite his half-face mask, I will not sing "Phantom of the Opera" around Ransik. Because he will hurt me. A lot.

I am not, under any circumstances, allowed to ask any of the bad guys why they have such horrible names. Nor am I allowed to ask them "Did your mother hate you?" because in the end, it's not important anyway, and I will just get another beating.

No, the villains' motto is not: "Join the bad guys. We have chocolate chip cookies." I will not attempt to make this their motto.

The Lost Galaxy team is not 'Star Trekkin' Across the Universe'. Neither is the 'In Space' team.

I cannot swap the Astro Megaship with the Enterprise. ANY Enterprise. Or the NSEA Protector.

Warhammer Dreadnoughts and Titans are not Zords.

I will never allow the Dino Thunder and Mighty Morphin/Zeo/Turbo Rangers to meet. The story swapping, and resulting destruction of the DT Rangers' respect for Tommy, might interfere with their fighting ability.

I will not try to get the Turbo Rangers arrested for speeding. Or driving without a license. Or driving underage. Trust us, Eric and Wes or Lightspeed Rescue would bail them out anyway.

When forming the Megazord, I will not shout "Then let our powers combine!", nor will I paste a giant blue globe to the Megazord's chest. While Wild Force does care about the environment, and the Galactic, Mystic Force and Samurai Rangers all use elemental powers, they are not Planeteers.

I am not allowed to introduce any ranger, villain, mentor, or ally to their Sentai equivalent.

I will not attempt to convince Darth Maul to betray his Master, Darth Sidious.

I will not remind Jane and Michael Banks to feed the birds for the Bird Woman. Nor will I get them to throw away their money.

I will not tell any villains before Countdown to Destruction what happens to them in the Z-Wave. Nor will I tell Zordon that Andros destroys him. Or pre-Zeo Tommy that Kim breaks up with him.

I will not take Trent back in time to "Show him how real evil Rangers do it."

I will not go back and prevent Billy from losing his powers. No matter how much it sucked. Nor will I try to create new powers for him.

I will not go back in time to convince Kimberly not to break up with Tommy. Or to steal The Letter. Or kidnap Kat. What's done is done, and I will have to content myself with the fact that Dr. O appears to be unattached when he's a Dino Ranger.

The players from the New York and Texas Rangers are NOT Power Rangers in disguise. Neither is any member of the U.S. Army Rangers. Stop trying to find out!

No, the Mighty Moshin' Emo Rangers are not Power Rangers! They are a parody! Stop saying they are!

I will not give the Power Rangers phasers so that they can fight the Klingons, Romulans, and Borg. No matter how awesome it would be.

I will not bring Godzilla in to help the Power Rangers if their Megazord is in the shop. Nor will I bring him in if the villains need a monster. All Kaiju are off limits to me.

As awesome as it would be, I may not put Darth Sidious and Palpatine in the same scene at the same time so that they may fight each other to the death. They are one and the same, like Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader, Count Dooku and Darth Tyranus, Queen Amidala and Padme, Captain Picard and Locutus, Clark Kent and Superman, Bruce Wayne and Batman, and Peter Parker and Spider-Man.

I will not talk Necrolai into resurrecting Zika and the Magna Defender, Niella, or Cole's parents, because, sadly, it would just be too much trouble. Nor will I use any other method of resurrection.

I will not ask the White Fairy to resurrect Pam Tanner, even if I want Danny, Jesse, DJ, Stephanie, and Michelle to be reunited with her.

I will not initiate a crossover with any incarnation of the Justice League/X-Men.

The Galactic Empire, despite being an empire, does not have any: Klingons, Romulans, Cardassians, Borg, Jem'Hadar, Kazon, Kilrathi, or any other aliens from other franchises. And I will not explain any of these aliens to them. Nor will I attempt to get them any.

The Powerpuff Girls, despite being superheroes, does not have any other superpowers: Flamethrower, Ice Beam, Thundershock, Water Gun, Thunder Wave, Sing, Poison Sting, Leech Seed, or any other techniques from Pokémon. And I will not explain any of those superpowers to them. Nor will I attempt to get them any.

I will not give any Ranger a TARDIS.

The Machine Empire, despite being an empire, does not have any: Decepticons, Cybermen, Borg, Toclafane, Daleks, Cylons, Replicants, Terminators or any other mecha from other franchises. And I will not explain any of these creatures to them. Nor will I attempt to get them any.

Trakeena is not a Borg. I should not insist that she is.

The Master of Mystic Force is not the Master from Doctor Who. Nor the Master from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He is especially not the Master from Manos: The Hands of Fate.

Andros is not Legolas. And I will not make him Legolas so that he can fight Sauron.

KO-35 is not Vulcan. Or Romulus. Or Alderaan.

Billy is not Spider-Man. And I will not make him Spider-Man so that he can fight Venom.

Tommy isn't Batman. And I will not make him Batman so that he can fight Bane.

Jarrod is not Aslan in human form.

There is no such thing as a Narnian Ranger. I will stop insisting there is.

I will not attempt to force Nick and Leanbow to reenact the "Luke, I am your father" scene from Star Wars V.

I will not start singing "Who Let the Dogs Out?" when Commander Cruger enters the room. Or "Tarzan Boy" for Cole. Or any Disney Princess song around Princess Shayla, even though technically she is one. "When You're Evil" or an appropriately altered version of "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" for a villain's entrance. "Professional Pirate" for Divatox, even though she likes it. Or any Disney villain songs for a bad guy's entrance. "Time Warp" at the appearance of any Time Force Ranger. Actually, I am forbidden from bursting into song altogether.

I will not tell Tenaya and Dillon that they are Luke and Leia Skywalker. Or Jacen and Jaina. Or any other set of fictional twins. Especially not Fred and George Weasley. Nor will I do this to Gem and Gemma.

I will not attempt to ask Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable to let his daughter, Vanessa, quit the clarinet. Because he wants her to practice her clarinet solo for the recital.

Palpatine's Force-sensitivity escaped the notice of the Jedi Order. Instead, his gifts came to the attention of Darth Plagueis, a Muun Dark Lord of the Sith. As such, I will not go back in time and prevent Darth Plagueis from getting to Palpatine first.

I will not attempt to recreate Billy's mind transfer machine. Even if I am a technological wizard. ESPECIALLY if I am a technological wizard. And I will not use Bulk and Skull as test subjects. No matter if I can con them into volunteering, I still cannot do it.

I will not attempt to convert the following vehicles into Zords: The Mystery Machine, the Batmobile--all of them--Wonder Woman's Invisible Jet (No invisible Megazords!), Doc Brown's DeLorean Time Machine, Speed Buggy, the Millennium Falcon, or any kind of Arwing. Not even if it's been requested.

Yes, Lost Galaxy had no Megazords that combined with each other, but that does not mean I can develop a Megazord combo for their team.

I will not ask Billy to build me a lightsaber. Nor will I ask any other technological genius. Nor will I request one for someone else.

I will not ask Andros where he learned to use the Force. Or Karone. I will not ask the creators of the Space morphers why they didn't give Andros a lightsaber for a weapon. Or Ecliptor why he didn't train Astronema with lightsabers. I should stop calling Quantrons "Storm Troopers". I know the difference between Star Wars and Power Rangers: In Space.

Aisha's Bear Ninjazord is not "smarter than the average bear." Or the average Zord.

Palpatine is not an underling of Yoda or Mace Windu. I will stop insisting that he is.

I will not create the Halfblood Rangers. Even though Percy sure could use it—no.

I will not make any Naruto character a Power Ranger. Especially not Naruto, Sasuke, Orochimaru, Jiraiya, Tsunade, Kakashi, or any Kage.

I will not make any Twilight character a Power Ranger.

I will not start a petition for a "Forever Blue" or "Forever Yellow" or "Forever Pink" or "Forever Green" no matter how awesome it'd be. No, not even if I combine colors.

I will not attempt to get the Wild Force Rangers to Ninja Ops in order to have a team-up. That rule also applies to S.P.D. & Mystic Force, Operation Overdrive & Jungle Fury, or Jungle Fury & R.P.M.

I will not give Queen Amidala's Royal Starship weapons so that it can fight the Trade Federation blockade. No matter how awesome it would be.

I will not prevent Palpatine from turning Anakin Skywalker into Darth Vader. Nor from taking Darth Maul. And I will not do this by swapping myself for either of them.

I will not mention to the Tenth Doctor that some PR teams can travel between dimensions/universes.

I will not give Buffy a morpher. Nor start the Scooby Gang Rangers. This also goes for every Companion of the Doctor ever, but especially River Song.

I will not give Aisha an electric guitar and expect her to play "Back in Black".

I will not give Kat an electric guitar and expect her to sing the "Josie and the Pussycats" theme.

I will not give Annette an electric guitar and expect her to sing "One Way or Another".

I am not allowed to ask Rocky "what was it like being a Red Ranger and not the leader?"

I will not create my own "Once a Ranger" team.

If I somehow get involved in the Forever Red Mission, I will never mention the existence of a superhero group known as the "Big Bad Beetleborgs." Nor may I reference them. Or insinuate to the rest of the Rangers that the Machine Empire Generals are really them. I especially cannot ask the generals themselves if they really are the Beetleborgs, or some cheap Machine Empire-manufactured copies.

As awesome as it would be, I may not bring all the Red Rangers to the Forever Red fight. No, not even Rocky.

There is no Ranger karaoke night, and no, this is not something that should be fixed. Especially by inviting Theo and not telling him what it is.

Yes, it's tough that Karone had to give up her powers when Kendrix came back. No, she should not get a purple Galaxy Morpher to make up for it.

Yes, Trini, Aisha, Maya, Kelsey, Katie and Taylor's costumes didn't have skirts. No, this is not a design flaw that I can fix.

Tim Taylor is not allowed to work on any Ranger tools or Zords. Or anything else Ranger related.

I will leave Tom Oliver—Tommy's clone—alone. No, he is not the perfect solution to the Kat vs. Kim problem!

Under Palpatine's Galactic Empire, people were discouraged from believing in the Force and the Jedi Order. However, it was not just the Jedi who suffered. All Force-sensitives were targeted. Some examples included the Quermians, who were accused of sending seditious thoughts into the minds of others. The Iktotchi were attacked due to their telepathic abilities, which were said to be drawn from the Force. Despite the established anti-Jediism of the New Order, many in the Imperial government were aware that Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader were Force users, and a few even knew that they were Sith Lords. Palpatine also commissioned a loose organization of loyal Darksiders called the Dark Side Adepts as a replacement for the now abolished Jedi Order and to make up for the lack of Sith Lords to do his bidding. The lack of Sith Lords is because of Darth Bane, who created the Rule of Two, which says that there can only be two Sith at any one time. I cannot go back in time and prevent Darth Bane from establishing the Rule of Two.

It is worth noting that, in the Galactic Empire, many non-humans such as Wookiees, Mon Calamari, Lurrians, and Talz were 'actively discouraged' to participate in government or join the Imperial military because of the Empire's Human High Culture policy. As such, I will not attempt to convince the Empire to allow the Wookiees, Mon Calamari, Lurrians or Talz to participate in government or join the Imperial military.

I will absolutely not make any Red Ranger that doesn't have a battlizer a battlizer. No matter how much they deserve it.

Under all circumstances, the Mighty Morphin movieverse and TVverse will be kept far, far apart from each other.

Even if it might be cool, I'm not allowed to engineer a Kamen Rider/Power Rangers Samurai crossover.

I will not collect Divatox, Captain Mutiny and the Gokaigers and pit them against the Ninjetti, Ninja Storm, Lothor and Kamdor to "see once and for all whether pirates or ninjas reign supreme."

I will not, no much how much I want to, bring up Goseiger or Gokaiger just to 'Show what the next Power Ranger teams look like.' Or anything before Zyuranger to show 'Power Ranger teams from other planets.' And especially not Dairanger.

In the chance that they run out of ideas for Power Rangers teams, I am not given authority to travel to Tokyo and get the Sailor Senshi to be the next Ranger team. They're done fighting monsters, so there's no need to bother them.

I will not bring the Sentai counterpart of any current or previous Power Rangers team together because "it would make an awesome team-up". ESPECIALLY if would make an awesome team-up. Every single team qualifies. I cannot do any of these things to the Sentai. In fact, I'm not allowed to go to Japan ever again due to the Sentai Rangers getting a restraining order against me.

There will be no Ranger teams based on stories aimed at younger children. This includes, but is not limited to: Winnie the Pooh, Sesame Street, Thomas the Tank Engine, Fraggle Rock, any Disney film.

I cannot try to resurrect Imhotep or the Scorpion King to give the Rangers a worthy adversary. This goes for every non-Power Ranger villain ever, including, but not limited to: Darth Vader, Doctor Octopus, Lord Voldemort, any version of the Joker, Khan, Megatron, Davy Jones, Davros, the T-1000…

I will not prevent Rita from turning Tommy into her evil Green Ranger. Nor from kidnapping Kat. And I will not do this by swapping myself for either of these people.

I will not give Necrolai an electric guitar and expect her to sing "Bloody Friday Nightmare."

I am not allowed to go before the Countdown to Destruction Battle and give any Ranger back their powers/tell them that they still have their powers/give them new powers so they can fight off the evil invasion of Earth. No matter how cool it would be.