Shahrzad Jahandar

BIOS
eXtreme seXy eXplosion:

In her young adult years, Shahrzad trained in the art of military ninjitsu to be recruited into the Iranian Ninja Rangers, with most people having never heard of such a concept, and since then, she's dedicated her life to battling terrorism in the Middle East. Recently, she's been invited to participate in the eXtreme seXy eXplosion tournament, and does so, hoping that her country will acknowledge her and her Ninja Ranger group as their national heroes.

X-CITERS
Suihei Kama (Horizontal Sickle): Shahrzad zips past her opponent with a horizontal dual sickle slash, causing them to go into a crumple state. On Meter Burn, she zips past the opponent again, with the second dual sickle slash knocking them down onto the arena "floor." (Clothes Destroy: Yes)

Bomb Dewad (Smoke Bomb): Shahrzad throws a smoke bomb at her own feet, teleporting to the other side in the process. Meter Burn creates a blast that knocks the opponent back and down onto the ground if they are close enough while Shahrzad teleports. (Clothes Destroy: No if normal; yes if Meter-Burned)

Shuriken Danmaku (Shuriken Barrage): Shahrzad throws a ring of shuriken at her opponent, damaging them if it connects. On Meter Burn, she throws more shuriken in another ring. This can also be done in midair. (Clothes Destroy: No)

Kama Tatsumaki (Sickle Tornado): Shahrzad spreads her arms out and spins rapidly at her opponent, dealing five hits total if it connects. On Meter Burn, she just stands there, and if the opponent is within her range, she sucks them into the "tornado," also dealing two additional hits. (Clothes Destroy: Yes)

XXX-PLOSION ATTACK
Gunji no Kunoichi (Military Kunoichi): Shahrzad starts the XXX-Plosion Attack by crossing her twin sickles in front of her, then zips past her opponent four times in rapid succession, during which she calls out, "Is my ninjitsu too quick for you to keep up with?", followed by an X-slash that knocks them down onto the ground on their hands. Next, she takes a grenade, bites the pin, removes it, spits it out, and throws the explosive at the foe's feet, launching them very high up into the air. Then, while the character on the receiving end of this move is still in the air, Shahrzad zips past them three additional times, and lastly, grabs them, continuing on as she does so, "You're ill-prepared for what's about to happen next!", and Izuna-drops them to the arena "floor" at extreme velocity. If she defeats her opponent with this move in her winning round, Shahrzad will perform the Rin-Pyo-To-Sha-Kai-Jin-Retsu-Zai-Zen hand gestures, followed by the kanji "軍事のくノ一" (Military Kunoichi) appearing in flames behind her after "Zen." (Clothes Destroy: Yes)

WIN QUOTES
(mirror match) Taghalob (fraud)! You don't deserve to be a Ninja Ranger through mimicry of others! (vs. Pua) I don't think I like beaches very much. I'm more of a desert-type person.

(vs. Emi) Of course I can speak Japanese! I'm also fluent in English and Farsi.

(vs. Lisa) I'm not very much into romance movies. Mazerat may khoham (my apologies).

(vs. Mingzhu) I've never had whatever it is you're serving, but it could take a while to get accustomed to.

(vs. Papillon) Consider taking up freestyle wrestling. Yours is, in my honest opinion, overdramatized.

(vs. Jay Bailey) If I were you, I'd leave your pointless roast sessions at the door.

(vs. Antonia) There's a lesson you must learn. Eastern fighting techniques will always beat out those in the West!

(vs. Maria) You're just going to waste your time on the battlefield? So much for preserving the species...

(vs. Trudy) Taekwondo may be a military art, but it's not enough to defeat Iranian ninjutsu!

(vs. Honua) Are you sure you don't use experimental, government-issued drugs to build muscles?

(vs. Kwang) You're better off kicking that ball in a stadium, not the battlefield.

(vs. Muriel) While you are well-trained in the art of savate, I'm more interested in Persian classical than your music.

(vs. Ailis) You are currently in possession of illegal weaponry. We're going to have to destroy it.

(vs. Camila) You're going to need to add more weapons to your repertoire than just a sword.

(vs. Olga) You lost because you dance too much to be able to concentrate on the fight.

(vs. MaX) You, start talking. Have you ceased and desisted your mistreatment of women like me yet?

(vs. Athena) Mobareze bastanee (ancient combat) is nothing compared to the kind of fighting that's acceptable today!

(vs. Jae-sang) Our sousa no kichi (base of operations) is a no-fly zone. Divert your course immediately.

(vs. Feramulher) Relying only on primal instincts is no way to succeed on the battlefield.

(vs. Seireen) Hey, leave my body alone! I'm a Ninja Ranger, not an ahriman (demon)'s plaything!

(vs. Elisabeta) Your firearms will never compare to what we in the military utilize.

(vs. Nkosazana) One more of your powerful blows and the battle would've been over in an instant.

(vs. Zoe) That throwing weapon is too primitive for the military. I recommend shuriken instead!

(vs. Valerie) Hmm... Strange. I've never seen a medic carry a syringe as big as yours.

(vs. Pizza Girl) I only eat army rations. Take your deliveries somewhere else.

(vs. Qingmei) I bet your ice magic would be useful for beating the desert heat.

(vs. Jodiana) Moteasefam (sorry), I don't know of any people named Rin Takahashi, not even from the files.

(vs. Maggie) Nani (what)? You ESCAPED?! What do prisons pay their security to do these days?

(vs. Rita) Look, I'm not a terrorist, OK? I'm a counter-terrorist! Deal with it.

MISC. INFO
Voice Actress: Kimberly Brooks (Voltron 2016, Batman: Arkham)

Rival: Antonia Ferrari

Stage: Dasht-e Lut

Clothes Destroy Animation: The bottom part of her camouflage gi explodes, revealing black briefs that expose her hips. Her hood and headband also explode to reveal more of her beautiful, long black hair, and her sunglasses break.

Intro Sequence: A military-grade helicopter flies into the arena, with Shahrzad crouched ninja-style on top of the blades. She then jumps off and lands on the ground, during which she calls out, "Today...", then readies her twin sickles and goes into her fighting stance, continuing on, "You're up against military ninjitsu!"

Round Win Sequence: Shahrzad twirls her dual sickles in her hands for three seconds, saying, "Your moves are too predictable," before going into her fighting stance again.

Outro Sequence: Shahrzad swings once diagonally to the right or left and once diagonally to the left or right, then puts her twin sickles together and does a spinning 540° clockwise or counter-clockwise slash, followed by jumping into the air, and the sequence freezes on her as she throws a few shuriken at the camera.

PROLOGUE
(The first mid-narration cut takes us to a panoramic landscape of Dasht-e Lut, where "Dastgah Shur" can be heard in the background.)

Shahrzad: (narrating) This is Dasht-e Lut, or the "Emptiness Plain." It's a vast desert where my ninja training takes place.

(As Shahrzad continues narrating, we then cut to her in the vast desert, training with the other Ninja Rangers.) (Then, in the desert, during the second mid-narration cut, Shahrzad, using her twin sickles, trains with another Ninja Ranger, who carries with her a horse-hair spear, under the Iranian military commander's watchful eye for 15 seconds.)

Shahrzad: (narrating) But, I'm not just ANY ninja. I'm a military ninja. Now, you probably haven't heard of such a concept, have you?

Iranian Military Commander: Good job. Keep going, Ranger Jahandar. Don't forget your defense.

Shahrzad: Mersi (thanks). I'll do my best.

Iranian Military Commander: That's what I like to hear.

(As she continues to narrate, Shahrzad continues to train with her fellow Ninja Rangers, first by using their Asian weaponry on straw dummies, which they easily destroy, then effortlessly running up one rock formation in the vast desert and jumping over to another, and lastly, hiding in the mountains in preparation for a counter-terrorist mission against the People's Mujahedin of Iran, and across from the mountains is their terrorist camp, where they are planning to detonate a nuclear bomb in Isfahan.)

Shahrzad: (narrating) We've been trained to utilize Far Eastern weaponry, climb and jump walls or similar surfaces, and hide in the mountains.

Ninja Ranger #1: Ranger Jahandar, do you remember what we covered in our ninja training?

Shahrzad: Baleh (yes). Hide in the mountains, which means do not let your rival see you, and when slicing their neck, remain silent.

Ninja Ranger #1: Right. If we're going to get rid of those Mujahedin terrorists who just set up camp over there, we don't want to be anywhere within their vicinity.

(Shahrzad and two Ninja Ranger archers then climb the mountains in an effort to remain unseen from the terrorists.)

Shahrzad: All right, Rangers, here's the plan. We have to eliminate those terrorist scum before they can bomb Isfahan, but remember to keep it swift and quiet. We don't want to attract their attention. You two on the bows...

Ninja Rangers #2 and #3: Affirmative!

Shahrzad: ...And me on the shuriken!

(What happens next is Shahrzad and the Ninja Ranger archers fire their ranged weapons at the Mujahedin terrorists, but the camera focuses only on the Ninja Rangers, and therefore, the terrorists are killed off-screen, and we don't hear any blood gushing. We then cut to Shahrzad and her Ninja Rangers, back in Dasht-e Lut.)

Iranian Military Commander: Nice job foiling that bomb attempt by the Mujahedin, Ninja Rangers. Ranger Jahandar, I have a very important task for you.

Shahrzad: Sorehanandesuka (what is it)?

Iranian Military Commander: (handing Shahrzad an envelope) Here, take this. The Rayees Jomhoor (President) asked me to give this to you.

Shahrzad: (opening the envelope) "Ms. Jahandar, you have been cordially invited to compete on my show/fighting tournament, eXtreme seXy eXplosion. Sincerely, yours truly, MaX eXXposure!"

Iranian Military Commander: "MaX eXXposure?" That name certainly does ring a bell... Ranger, you are to go out, infiltrate that man's tournament, and discover the truth of what he plans to do with the women fighting in it. Good luck out there.

Shahrzad: Baleh, qirban (yes, sir)! (she and the commander salute each other)

(Lastly, we cut to Shahrzad in the desert sky as she rides on a military-grade helicopter, crouched ninja-style on top of the blades.)

Shahrzad: I'm going to get to the bottom of this "MaX eXXposure" person's handling of the women in this tournament when I see him!

RIVAL BATTLE - vs. Antonia Ferrari
(Cut to a beachside arena in California, surrounded by log fencing and marble statues of bikini-clad women, with several people, men making up the majority, in attendance, standing on wooden bleachers, where Shahrzad and Antonia stand a foot away from each other, looking at each other.)

Announcer: All right, dudes and dudettes (well, mostly dudes, considering that this is a dudette vs. dudette fight), the match you are about to watch is the last one before the winner goes off to face the tournament host, MaX eXXposure! (the audience cheers) So, without further ado... (motioning to Shahrzad as she enters) On the left side is, from Tehran, Iran, the military kunoichi, Shahrzad Jahandar! (motioning to Antonia as she enters) On the right side is, from Milan, Italy, the boxing mom, Antonia Ferrari!

Shahrzad: You are currently in the path of an Iranian Ninja Ranger. Divert your course immediately.

Antonia: Are you sure you're not a turtle after some pizza? The ninja convention is over there, ragazza dell'esercito (army girl).

Shahrzad: Oh, really? Then why don't I prove to you... (going into her fighting stance) how much better my Eastern techniques are than your Western ones?

Antonia: You wish to test your ninjitsu against my boxing? (goes into her fighting stance as well) You're just naive.

FINAL BOSS BATTLE - vs. MaX eXXposure
(After the fight, a badly-beaten Antonia is down on one knee and one hand.)

Announcer: Dudes and dudettes, we have a winner! Give it up for Shahrzad Jahandar! (takes Shahrzad by the arm and raises it)

Shahrzad: You, ba men bia (come with me). I'm taking you in for questioning.

Antonia: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Per favore, vacci piano su me (please, go easy on me). I'm just a housewife providing for her two young children.

Shahrzad: Well, since you asked nicely... (helps Antonia up) I guess I won't have to hurt you too badly. Now, if you'll excuse me... (walking off) I have some other important business to take care of.

Antonia: All right. Buona fortuna con quello (good luck with that).

(Cut to the eXtreme seXy eXplosion live show stage, three seconds later.)

MaX: (appearing on stage) Isn't it great to worship Allah? Because I used to worship Some-ah!

Audience: (off-screen) BOOOOOO! (they start throwing water bottles at MaX)

MaX: ...All right, you know what? I have another joke for you. I have a female Muslim friend who's so Muslim...

Man: (off-screen) How Muslim is she?

MaX: She's so Muslim that, uh... (rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly) everybody likes her and there's nothing funny about her at all. So, let's give it up for today's guest! (Shahrzad appears on stage waving to the audience's cheers) Great to have you on my show, Miss Jahandar. (takes Shahrzad's hand and kisses her there as a welcome greeting) DAMN, ninja babe! You got the boobs to be a REAL ninja babe! Don't get me wrong about it.

Shahrzad: Baleh, everyone thinks we kunoichi are oversexualized. I'm not lying.

MaX: And that's exactly, and undoubtedly, why you were invited to compete by me, MaX eXXposure, host of this reality show, slash fighting tournament!

Shahrzad: I'm here on orders from the Iranian military. They want me to discover the truth about the way you handle the women fighting in this tournament, me included.

MaX: If you beat me and win eXtreme seXy eXplosion, you can have your ten-million-dollar prize to do just that! If you lose, however, you're gonna be mine forever!

Shahrzad: Nice try, but the answer's ne (no). I belong to the army, not third-rate perverts and abusers like you!

MaX: When I win and make you my bed buddy, you're gonna be waving the white flag by the time this sex war is over!

Shahrzad: If you think you can get me or any other woman into bed with you... (goes into her fighting stance) then you're no better than any terrorist organization I've ever faced!

MaX: You know what? If you're gonna reject my hanky-panky offer... (going into his fighting stance as well) there's nothing I can't do to change your mind!

ENDING
(After the fight, a badly-beaten MaX is down on one knee and one hand, with Shahrzad and her Ninja Rangers standing over him.)

Shahrzad: Now I understand the legitimacy of your actions in hosting your tournament. Today, you face your punishment for your crimes: spending the rest of their lives in custody!

MaX: (handing Shahrzad a check for $10,000,000) A-all right, fine. Take the prize money you wanted. You're gonna need it more than I do.

Shahrzad: ...And don't think I'll use any of that pool jayezeh (prize money) to bail you out of maximum-security prison.

(Later, Shahrzad and her Ninja Rangers are outside the Sa'dabad Complex, where they are to be rewarded for completing their assigned mission, with thousands of Iranians, including the military commander from Shahrzad's character prologue, in attendance.)

Hassan Rouhani: Tabrik may guyam (congratulations), Dooshizeh (Miss) Shahrzad Jahandar. For your valiant efforts in thwarting the American sexual abuser known as Maxwell Schroeder in the eXtreme seXy eXplosion fighting tournament, and for doing well in protecting our country from the threat of terrorism, the Islamic Republic of Iran hereby acknowledges you and your Ninja Ranger group... (putting medals on Shahrzad and her Ninja Rangers' lapels) as their national heroes. (the people in attendance applaud)

Shahrzad: I could never be more thankful for this opportunity, Alijanab Shma (Your Excellency). Infiltrating the tournament and finding, discovering the truth of, and apprehending that man was, undoubtedly, a difficult and dangerous mission, but in the end, me and my Ninja Rangers managed to accomplish it. We in the Ninja Ranger force are very proud to be strong and determined women, to persevere through the toughest of times, and above all, to be part of this magnificent country.

Hassan Rouhani: And we could never be prouder to have you as our national heroes. We encourage you to continue fighting for our country after all it has been through.

Shahrzad: Mersi. We will do our best, whatever it takes.

Iranian Military Commander: (approaching Shahrzad and her Ninja Ranger group) And I guarantee that you will. Also, I have received word that that womanizing American has recently been convicted of numerous counts of su'riftar jensi (sexual misconduct) against women such as you and will be held in maximum-security prison for his crimes.

Shahrzad: Anything else you'd like to say, Farmandi (Commander)?

Iranian Military Commander: His younger brother of ten years, Rexford, has agreed to take his place as tournament host and has announced that he will be starting a second one in the summer of next year. Ranger Jahandar, should you ever be invited, I recommend that you and your force train harder. He may be running the tournament with the same motivations as the previous host.

Shahrzad: Then I suppose this means, when I see him, I'm going to make him answer for the same crimes his berader (brother) did.

Iranian Military Commander: Well, in that case, mufiq bashyad (good luck). (he and the Ninja Rangers salute each other)

Shahrzad: Baleh, qirban.

SEVEN MONTHS LATER

(Shahrzad, in a different outfit, is, just like before, in the desert sky as she rides on the same helicopter from before, crouched ninja-style on top of the blades in preparation for eXtreme seXy eXplosion Season 2.)

Shahrzad: With eXtreme seXy eXplosion Season 2 drawing near, I'm sure the younger eXXposure brother has a hidden agenda behind it!

(Cut to pre-credits roll, where Bomb Factory's "Deadly Silence Beach" starts playing as we are treated to short animations of all the characters, shown in full-body, in their home stages, with the names of their voice actors/actresses on their left or right. Afterwards, the credits start rolling and the song continues playing.)