During a dark wintry night, which is a blizzard, Drake is at the house, sitting on the chair, looking upset because Schala rejected him, "Who does she think she is?" Drake snapped, "That girl has tangled with the wrong penguin! No one says, 'no to Drake!'"
"Darn right," said Nack, as he carried two cups a beer, handing one to Drake.
"Dismissed, rejected, publicly humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear!" Drake grabbed the cups, Nack was holding and through them into the fireplace.
"More beer?" Nack asked, stupidly.
"What for? Nothing helps, I'm disgraced," Drake put his hands on his face.
"Who, you? Never! Drake, you've got to pull yourself together," Nack began to sing.
Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Drake
Looking so down in the dumps
Nack stretched Drake's face, but he punched Nack, sending him to the table, where Arlong, King K.Rool, Xigbar and Bowser are at and Nack got up.
Every guy here'd love to be you, Drake
Even when taking your lumps
Drake moved his chair to stare at the fireplace.
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're everyone's favorite guy
Everyone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
Larxene, Jesse and Neyla went close to Drake and sighed.
No one's slick as Drake, no one's quick as Drake
No one's next as incredibly thick as Drake
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon
You can ask and Arlong, K. Rool, or Xigbar
And they'll tell you whose team they'd prefer to be on
As he sang, Nack pulled Ratigan's belt, whose pants fall to the ground. Nack jumps up and wraps the belt and wraps around Drake's neck, who flexes and breaks off. Nack continues to dance around, until Arlong, K. Rool and Xigbar grabbed him.
Nack, Arlong, K. Rool, and Xigbar: No one's been like Drake, a kingpin like Drake
Nack: No one's got some good looks as Drake
Drake: As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating
Everyone: My, what a guy that Drake
Everyone clicked their cups
Everyone: Give five hurrahs, give twelve hip-hips
Nack: Drake is the best and the rest is all drips
Nack swings up his arm in dance and throws a mug of beer of Drake's face by accident. Drake glared at Nack, and punched, sending Nack flying and began to wrestle the others.
Everyone: No one fights like Drake, no one bites like Drake
Xigbar: A wrestling match, nobody bites like Drake
Drake bites Xigbar's leg during the fight.
Jesse, Larxene and Neyla: For there's no one as burly and brawny
Drake lifts the bench, where the girls are.
Drake: As you see I've got biceps to spare
Nack: Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny
Drake drops the bench on Nack, which the girls are safe.
Drake: That's right! And every last inch on me is covered with hair
Everyone: No one hits like Drake, matches wits like Drake
Nack: In a spitting match, nobody spits like Drake
Drake: I'm especially good at expectorating
Drake spits a huge spit wad and Arlong, K.Rool, and Xigbar got out the boards with the number ten.
Arlong, Bowser, K. Rool and Xigbar: Ten points for Drake
The spit went into the spittoon, which falls and gets struck on the head of Nack.
Drake: When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Every morning to help me get large
And now that I've grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge
After Drake juggles the eggs and swallows in, Nack did the same, but the eggs landed on his face.
Everyone: No one shoots like Drake, makes those beauts like Drake
Drake used his gun and shoots at the beer barrel, three times.
Nack: Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Drake
Drake: I use antlers in all of my decorating
Drake shows the wall full of decorations.
Everyone: My, what a guy! Drake! Arlong, K. Rool, and Xigbar picks up the chair, where Drake sat. Nack tried to get out of the way, but the chair landed him, flat. Everyone cheered, until E. Gadd barged in.
"Help, someone help me!" E. Gadd shouted.
"E. Gadd?" Moe Szyslak asked.
"Please, please, I need your help!" E. Gadd is scared. "He's got her; he's got her locked in the dungeon!"
"Who?" Arlong asked.
"Schala! We must go, not a minute to lose!" said E. Gadd.
"Whoa, slow down, E. Gadd. Who's got Schala locked in the dungeon?" Drake asked.
"A Tyranto Rex, a horrible monstrous Tyranto Rex!" E. Gadd answered. A moment of silence, until the people laughed, while E. Gadd looked humiliated.
"Is it a big Tyranto Rex?" K. Rool asked.
"Huge," E. Gadd answered.
"With a long, ugly snout?" Xigbar asked.
"Hideously ugly," E. Gadd answered.
"And sharp cruel fangs?" Dr. Nefarious asked.
"Yes, yes. Will you help me?" E. Gadd asked.
"All right, E. Gadd. We'll help you out," said Drake.
"You will? Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you," E. Gadd smiled, but he was thrown out by Arlong and K. Rool.
"Crazy old E. Gadd!" Arlong laughed.
"He's always good for a laugh," said K. Rool.
"Crazy old E. Gadd, hmm?" Drake began to think, "Crazy old E. Gadd…" he turned to face Nack, who is still under the chair.
Nack, I'm afraid I've been thinking
Nack: A dangerous pastime…
Drake: I know
Drake picked up Nack
Drake: But that wacky old coot is Schala's dad
And his sanity's only so-so
Now the wheels in my head have been turning
Since I looked at that loony man
See I promised myself I'd be married to Schala
And right now I'm involving a plan
Drake threw Nack and he landed on the floor.
"If I…"Drake whispered.
"Yeah?" Nack asked.
"Then we…" Drake whispered.
"No, would she?" Nack asked.
"Guess," said Drake.
"Now, I get it," said Nack.
"Let's go!" said both of them.
Drake and Nack: No one plot like Drake
Drake: Takes cheap shots like Drake
Nack: Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Drake
All: So his marriage we soon'll be celebrating
My, what a guy, Drake!
Outside, E. Gadd was the only one, where no one is outside.
"Will no on help us?" he asked.