Synopsis[]
Everyone knows the ponies of Equestria are awesome. But what if, when crisis befalls them, they decide to handle things with a little more common sense?
Transcript[]
1. If you have a Royal Guard...use it!
"Here's the deal, ladies," Tempest Shadow said, striding menacingly down the gangplank of her ship towards the Princesses and the crowd of ponies assembled behind them. "I need your magic. Give it up nicely, please, or we make it difficult...for everyone."
"And why should we cower before you?" Princess Luna shot back. "There's one of you...and hundreds of us!"
Tempest chuckled darkly. "I was hoping you'd choose–"
Suddenly, a white unicorn with a blue mane, carrying a similarly colored baby alicorn on his back, burst forth from the crowd and pointed towards the encroaching unicorn and the Storm Creatures following close behind.
"CHAAAAAAAAARGE!!!" He yelled.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" The baby alicorn added.
Immediately following that, a massive fleet of airships, escorted by swarms of pegasi troops, shot forth from behind the mountain upon which Canterlot rested. They took aim at the Storm King's ships, and let loose with a volley of cannon fire. With no prior warning and no time to react, the entire fleet of enemy ships was almost instantly disabled, their occupants crying out as their rides began to loose altitude.
Tempest leapt back and watched in horror as her own ship was smashed to pieces and fell from the massive balcony to the ground far below. "Wait, what?! Where did all this come from?!"
As she turned back to glare at her opponents, there was a bright flash of light. When it had cleared, a massive, almost crystalline shield was beginning to form around the city, cutting it off from any remaining attackers.
Luna shot Tempest a smirk. "Told you so."
Tempest just glared back.
The white unicorn strode up to the edge of the shield, his horn wrapped in a purple aura. Behind him, a battalion of unicorn troops had their own horns lit, all helping to maintain the shield. Even the baby was getting in on the act.
"Did you seriously think we were just going to run around and scream while you took us down?" the unicorn said. The baby alicorn stuck out her tongue and blew a raspberry at Tempest.
"Shining Armor!" Cadance cried, rushing forward and embracing her husband. "What are you doing here, though? I thought you were keeping an eye on the Crystal Empire."
"Well, it's not like I'd just sit there and hope for the best when I hear my wife is in peril," Shining replied. "C'mon. When have I ever just let the bad guys kick me to the curb with minimal effort so they can do their evil deeds or whatever?"
Cadance glanced around uncertainly. "Uh..."
"You know, on second thought, don't answer that."
2. If you're a pony princess with magic powers...use them!
"Here's the deal, ladies," Tempest Shadow said, striding menacingly down the gangplank of her ship towards the Princesses and the crowd of ponies assembled behind them. "I need your magic. Give it up nicely, please, or we make it difficult–"
"Yes, about that," Celestia interrupted. "As much as we'd like to help you out..." She suddenly narrowed her eyes and lit up her horn. "No."
She fired a beam at Tempest, and before she could react, she had been hit and was frozen in solid amber crystal, a look of surprise replacing her usual scowl.
"Well, forget this!" Grubber shouted. "I'm outta' here! Later gAAH!!!" Before he could reach the airship, it had been blown to bits by a ray from Luna.
As the other Storm Army ships advanced, all four princesses leapt into the air and swept beams of magical energy across the sky at the fleet. Within mere moments, the once mighty airships were reduced to plummeting, flaming wrecks.
The four descended back to the ground and caught their breath, while the ponies behind them cheered and clapped their hooves.
"You know," Twilight said as she observed the now-petrified Tempest. "On second thought...that might not have been the friendliest thing to do."
"True," Luna said with a shrug. "But at least we didn't get overrun again."
3. If Starlight Glimmer is nearby...use her!
"Here's the deal, ladies," Tempest Shadow said, striding menacingly down the gangplank of her ship towards the Princesses and the crowd of ponies assembled behind them. "I need your magic. Give it up nicely, please, or–"
Suddenly, Starlight Glimmer ran in front of everyone else, her horn alight with a bright blue aura. "Oh, yeah? Well, I don't think so!"
Tempest chuckled to herself. "Well, well, well," she said. "Looks like we have a brave one. A pity it won't matter in the long–"
Before she could say anything else, there was a massive KA-BOOM!, and a massive blast of blue energy exploded out of Starlight's horn and slammed into Tempest, Grubber, their airship, and the entire fleet behind them.
It only lasted a second, but when it was all over and Starlight cut out the spell, there was nothing left but light clouds of ash slowly drifting down.
The other ponies stared, eyes wide and jaws opened to far beyond their normal capacity.
"S-Starlight..." Twilight stammered. "T-that was so–"
"OP?" Starlight finished, as she brushed off her shoulder with a hoof. "Yeah, I know. I get that a lot."
4. If you have powerful allies...call them!
"Celestia told Luna to find the queen of the...hippos," Twilight told her friends, as she watched the Storm King's fleet descend upon Canterlot high above. "Luna can't...so I have to."
"Hey, wait just a minute there," Applejack said. "What about all the other creatures we've made friends with over the past couple'a years?"
"What about them?" Twilight asked.
"Well, wouldn't it be more practical-like to just go an' ask them for help 'stead of hurlin' ourselves into the unknown to get help from creatures we ain't even heard of before know?"
The other ponies nodded and uttered words of agreement.
"But..." Twilight said. "But Princess Celestia said–"
"Sugarcube, listen," Applejack replied. "In the span of literally two minutes, the whole Friendship Festival devolved into a terrifying foreign invasion, in which she not only saw property get destroyed but also saw her subjects being menaced and captured while Princess Cadance was turned into a hunk of rock right before her eyes. I don't think she was really thinkin' straight with all that stress goin' on."
"Well, yeah, but...but think of all the new things we'd see!" Twilight replied. "All the new friends we could make! All the new–"
"Ya' know..." Pinkie said. "I like world-building as much as the next fan, but I kinda have to agree with Applejack...even if it isn't exactly the most fun solution in the world."
Twilight sighed. "Fine. We'll do it that way. Spike, get ready to take some letters. A lot of letters."
One Hour Later...
"Remember, Tempest," The Storm King growled through the potion hologram. "Only I have the power to make you whole. Make this twig work, and you'll get your reward. Fail me...and your horn won't be the only thing that's broken."
Tempest only gave a curt nod. "It won't be a–"
But before she could finish, the roof above exploded with a mighty CRASH!, sending huge chunks of masonry down into the throne room and crushing the bowl holding the hologram, which flickered out with an almost electric crackling.
Before anyone could react, a metallic blue dragon and a tall green changeling with huge orange antlers dropped through the throne room's brand spankin' new skylight and landed on top of the two Storm Creature guards with a terrific thud, pinning them to the ground and knocking them unconscious.
"So," Ember said as she cracked her knuckles. "I've heard you've been picking on my friends." She narrowed her eyes and growled, flames spewing through her nostrils. "Not. Cool."
"Yeah," Thorax added as he charged magic through his antlers. "What she said."
Tempest was about to respond, but was interrupted when the doors to the throne room were suddenly thrown open. A zebra carrying a bag of blue bottles in her mouth bounded into the room.
"Do you really think we'd be so easy to take?" She shouted. "Well then, you've made a grave mistake!" And with that, Zecora leapt into the air, and with aiming skills that bordered on absurdly accurate, threw three of the bottles at each of the three petrified Princesses before landing back on the ground. Each bottle smashed upon impact, their contents hissing as they liquified the black stone that held the alicorns captive.
As the last traces of the stone slid to the floor in a gooey mess, the three shook their heads and took deep breaths.
"–GRIFFS!" Celestia cried, finishing the sentence she had so frantically tried to complete earlier. "Wait, what? Oh...I guess we're out, then."
"Phew!" Cadance said. "Am I glad that's over!"
"Agreed," Luna said. "Now with that established, we ought to find the one who–"
It was at that moment that the Princesses finally noticed Tempest watching the whole thing go down, trying (and failing) to keep her panic levels at a minimum.
"YOU!!!" All three yelled. They ignited their horns with magic and readied themselves for round two.
"You are going to pay so hard for this," Luna growled.
"Mind if we join the party?" Ember asked, Thorax and Zecora coming in close behind her.
"Not at all," Celestia replied. "The more, the merrier."
Tempest backed away, her horn sparking. "Th-this can't be happening! I beat you once before, what makes you think you can–"
With a loud, resounding crash, the wall behind the thrones of the Sisters practically exploded in a cloud of masonry, glass, and dust. As Tempest tried to gauge what had happened, a great, massive thing, all long hair and big horns charged through the hole right at her.
And so it was that the last thing the great Tempest Shadow ever heard was...
"YAK SMASH EDGY OC PONY!!!"
5. And finally...
TALK. THINGS. OUT.
"Honey..." Queen Novo said, trying to sound as reasonable as possible. "I'm sorry about your home. I truly am. But my responsibility is to protect my subjects. The Pearl is not going anywhere."
Twilight started to respond, but then hesitated. With a sad sigh, she turned away.
"It's alright," she said forlornly. "I understand, really I do. We'll just go back up to the surface and figure out something else, and...and you can hide down here. Forever." She looked back at Novo and–with just the faintest bit of a sly look in her eyes–added, "At least until all the water evaporates."
Novo's ears perked up, and she gave Twilight a quizzical look. "I'm sorry, what?"
"Well," Twilight began to explain. "Celestia and Luna were sorta-kinda turned to stone during the attack on Canterlot. And, as anypony or creature can tell you, those two are single-hoofedly responsible for moving the Sun and the Moon, that kind of thing. Basically keeping life as we know it going. But you knew that, right?"
By now, the implications of what Twilight was saying were becoming quite clear. Novo tried to say something, but was stopped by a sudden fit of frightened stammering and Twilight resuming.
"And they're probably going to stay like that until Tempest captures me and brings me to the Storm King. And I'm not exactly keen on that happening. So she's gonna keep chasing me and chasing me all over the world, and in the meantime, temperatures are going to rise and tides are going to go crazy...frankly, I'm surprised we haven't had an environmental catastrophe by now."
Princess Skystar gulped. "Uh, Mom? Is it really gonna get that bad?" she asked nervously.
"I...um...bu–" Novo replied.
"Now, I know what you're thinking: 'why can't you raise the sun?'. Well, I suppose I could, but the last time I did that, the Princesses needed to give me their magic to do it. That, and I'm not particularly good at it. I almost threw it clear out of the solar system and into the cold, dark depths of space the last time, and I don't think we really want a repeat of that, now do we?
"But getting back to you, yeah, the oceans are gonna evaporate eventually from all that additional heat, leaving Seaquestria completely open to attack by the Storm King, and all that implies. Oh, I'm sure you could use the pearl to change into something else, but then again–"
"Oh, sweet Celestia, she's right!" Novo exclaimed. She reached up and grabbed the pearl from it's jellyfish-shaped container, and shoved it into Twilight's hooves with frantic vigor.
"Here!" she said. "Take it! Do whatever with it! I don't even know how this is supposed to help you fight him, but you take it and take him down!"
Twilight smiled. "Thank you for listening to reason, your Highness. We'll be going now."
The seven friends were silent for a time as they swam their way through the tunnels that marked the entrance to Seaquestria. Finally, when the lights of the great city had disappeared into the murky waters behind them, Twilight let out a sigh of relief.
"Well," she said. "I'm glad we were able to work something out with the hippogryphs. Or seaponies. Or sea-griffs, or hippocamps, or whatever we're supposed to call them now."
"Me too," Fluttershy said. "At least now we have something of a chance."
"Could you imagine what would've happen if the Queen had said 'no'?" Spike asked.
"Oh, that would've been terrible!" Pinkie Pie said. "One of us might have snapped under the strain and had us throw a party for Princess Skystar while she tried to take the Pearl, only to get caught and get us exiled, and then we'd have a big fight and hurt each others' feelings, thus leading to a bunch of contrived circumstances that would allow Tempest to capture Twilight!"
They all fell silent as they considered this unsettlingly in-depth alternate possibility.
"Pffft!" Pinkie said, waving a hoof dismissively. "Like that would ever happen!"
"I know, right?" Rainbow laughed. "I mean, we've been friends for, like, what, seven years, going on eight? What's the end of the world gonna do to break us like that?"
"Exactly!" Applejack agreed.
"Well, then," Rarity said. "I suppose all we have to do know is go back to Equestria, transform ourselves into those marvelous Rainbow forms, and–"
"Actually, I've been thinking about that," Twilight said. "And I think I have a much better idea..."
One Conveniently Fast Return Journey Later...
The doors to the Canterlot throne room burst wide open, and the Elements of Harmony, with Spike not too far behind, bounded into the center of the room.
The Storm King, who had cut apart Celestia and Luna's thrones and turned them into a makeshift couch, sat up and spat out a mouthful of some exotic beverage he had been sipping from a coconut-shaped cup. "And what is this supposed to be?!" he shouted angrily.
Twilight stepped forward, the Pearl of Transformation in her telekinetic grasp. "Storm King," she said, her voice brimming with determination. "We are not going to allow you to menace Equestria anymore. Now, I'm not usually fond of fighting as a first option, so I'm going to give you a choice here. You can either call off your army and we can talk things out, or else we're going to turn you into something particularly uncomfortable. What's it going to be?"
The Storm King threw his head back and laughed. "You seriously think I'm just gonna up and cancel my expansion plans just like that?" He grinned evily at them and raised the Staff of Sarcanas, ready to throw it like a spear. "I don't think so."
Twilight sighed. "Fine. You asked for it."
Just as the Storm King bent his arm back to hurl the staff at the ponies, Twilight held the Pearl out in front of her. A brilliant white wave of magical energy burst forth and enveloped the Storm King completely. As it wrapped him in it's glow, they hear his cries of alarm and protest as it changed him into...something.
Finally, the magic began to dissipate like a cloud of mist. When it had finally cleared, the ponies saw a tiny little fly, vaguely resembling the Storm King he had once been, looking at himself in a confused manner on the floor.
"Hey!" He squeaked, just barely audible and his voice comically tinny. "What is this?! What did ya do to me?! Just you wait till I–"
With a collective puff, all seven friends blew gusts of air at the Storm King-turned fly, blowing him clear across the floor and out one of the doors behind the thrones of the two Sisters.
"Well," Applejack said. "Ah guess that's that."
"Mm-hmm," Rarity nodded. "Good riddance to bad garbage."
"So..." Fluttershy said. "Now what do we do?"
"Well," Twilight said. "We should go down and set all the captive ponies free, and then get to work on cleaning things up. After that...I don't really know."
"Ooh! Ooh!" Pinkie Pie said, jumping up and down. "I know this really super cool place where we can get coffee! Let's go there when we're done!"
One Trip To Metropolis Later...
"So then what did you do?" Superman asked.
The six ponies were sitting in a rather large booth in a small (yet very famous) cafe in the center of downtown Metropolis. Superman sat at the far end as usual, listening to the ponies tale with eager interest. Batman, for his part, did his best to sit as far away from all things cute and colorful as possible. Which wasn't easy, considering he was sitting right next to Fluttershy.
"Oh, the usual," Twilight answered. "We freed all the ponies and the Princesses, cleaned up all the damage, reformed Tempest, attended Derpy Hooves' Medal of Honor ceremony for saving my neck earlier, got the Friendship Festival back on track, and danced to pop music."
"Sweet," Superman said. "Right, Bruce? Isn't that a great story?"
"Yeah," Batman grunted sarcastically. "What a nice, happy little ending."
Superman shot him a brief glare of disapproval before turning his attention back to the ponies. "I'm really glad you guys could make it here. I'm actually a really big fan."
"Oh, really?" Twilight replied.
"Yep! Love everything about the show. The characters, the humor, the values...you guys are great!"
Batman rolled his eyes. "Dweeb," he muttered under his breath.
"Oh, what was that?" Superman said. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help what you said with, you know, super hearing. C'mon, Bruce, lighten up a little."
"You mean like how you forgot to lighten up back in 2013?" Batman replied.
"Says the guy who decided that killing your enemies was okay."
"We agreed to never speak of that again," Batman hissed.
"So, Mr. Batman..." Fluttershy said. "Are you saying you...don't like us?" Her lip quivered slightly, and her pupils seemed to widen to impossible sizes as just the faintest bit of moisture began to collect.
Batman shifted uncomfortably in his seat, doing his best to avoid eye contact. "N-no, it's not that I...I mean...well...GRR!!! Is there any one of you ponies that isn't relentlessly perky and bright and cheerful?! This is just too much for me!"
At that moment, there was a sound of a door opening. They all turned to look, and...
"Hey there, guys," Tempest said as she came through the cafe's doors. She wore a pair of saddlebags with what looked like a thermos poking out of one side.
"Oh, hi, Tempest!" Twilight said. "So glad you could make it."
As Tempest approached the booth, Batman–whose jaw had dropped at the sight of the dark-colored unicorn–quietly stood up and allowed her to take a seat in the booth.
"Oh, thanks," Tempest said.
"Uh-huh..." Batman droned as he sat down.
"Sorry I was late," Tempest said. She pulled out the thermos from her saddlebags, opened it, and poured a frothy amber beverage into a coffee mug on the table. "I had a little errand to run."
"Oh? Where did you go?" Twilight asked curiously.
Tempest bit her lip as she tried to figure out how to explain...
A Few Hours Ago, In A Small (But Infamous) Bar In Gotham City...
"Look," Emperor-and-Bartender Palpatine said in an exasperated tone of voice. "I've already told you; you can't come in here anymore. You've reformed. I told the Suicide Squad the exact same thing when they tried to come back after saving the world. Now get out of here before I call security."
Tempest sighed. "Look, I won't even stay, alright? I'll just take the drink and get out of your hair. You're really making this a lot more difficult than it needs to be."
"I don't have time for this," Palpatine said. "Bownser! Get this pony out of my pub!"
Bowser advanced menacingly towards Tempest, his feet shaking the floor with every step. Tempest made no move to run away. She just eyed him emotionlessly.
Suddenly, just when Bowser reached down to pick her up by the scruff of her neck, she swung a hind leg out and kicked him hard in the stomach. Bowser doubled over and yelped in pain. An instant later, Tempest had whirled back around and fired a blinding blast of blue lightning from her broken horn, sending Bowser flying across the pub and landing with a crash just in front of the bar.
Silence fell over the Villain Pub as the patrons gaped at the aftermath.
Without paying them any mind, Tempest strode up to the bar, climbed on top of the now extra crispy Bowser's chest, and sat down.
"Now..." she said, her horn sparking threateningly. "About that drink..."
Joker leaned across the bar counter. "Palps? You might wanna just give her the drink already."
"I–I'm not going to be intimidated by a–"
"Palpatine!" Khan hissed. "Just give her the drink before she ends up walking over our cold corpses to get it!"
"Ugh, fine!" He shot a ray of Force Lightning at a mug filled with Tempest's selected beverage, and roughly placed it on the counter. "Here. Take it, and don't ever come back."
Tempest took the mug in one hoof. "Thank you," she said with a smirk. "See, that wasn't so hard, now was it?" And with that, she turned and exited through the pub's metallic door.
"Wow," Joker said as he watched her go. "Who would've thought that ponies could be so terrifying?"
"I know, right?" called out a red and black centaur sitting in the corner.
In The Present...
"Um..." Tempest said. "Maybe I'll tell you some other time."
Batman suddenly cleared his throat and leaned towards Tempest.
"Hey," he whispered. "I'm Batman."
Tempest looked at him like he was the craziest person in the world. "And?"
Superman sighed. "C'mon, Bruce, don't go there..."
Batman ignored him. He looked Tempest right in the eye and gave the most (in his humble opinion) charming grin he could muster. "You wanna know my...secret identity?"
Superman groaned and put his head in his hands. "The shipping is going to be insane..."
This is the big galley: Ponyville was attacked and the ponies captured by nasty bad guys. The Mane 6 not know what to do.
"Oh no. What can we do?" Request Rarity, very worried.
"Don't worry, friends, I have a plan: we go traveled beyond Equestria, in another world where we will seek the help of a hyper weird people who experienced exactly the same incident as that this." Twilight said. "You're outgoing with me?" She then asks with a confident smile.
"I'm with you!" Pinkie Pie said.
"Me too! You can count on me." Applejack said.
"Always at your side, Twilight." Rainbow Dash said, bowing.
"Wherever you go, I'll will follow you my dear." Rarity said.
"Uh ... Twilight?"
"What's going on Fluttershy?"
"Well it's ... I perhaps thought that, before leaving on an adventure to who knows where we might seek Discord to settle all that." Fluttershy said.
"Discord? But why would you want him to help us? We can well solve this problem by ourselves." Twilight said.
"What I mean is that with its limitless magic, it will only take him a second to put everything in order, rather than risk our lives by going to travel to another world of strange indigenous people."
Twilight gasped as realize that what Fluttershy said is perfectly logical.
"By Celestia, you're right."
"Of course I've right."
"Okay, Fluttershy. Call Discord."
Later Discord arrived on site and snapped his fingers to release all the ponies of Ponyville. All was normal again, more a shadow of a nasty bad guy in sight.
"And this the job. Thank who?" Discord said.
"Thank you Discord." Fluttershy said.
"Thank you. It's true that it's more effective that way." Twilight said.
Later, in Super-Café
"This is how we saved all the world once more." Twilight said.
"Hmm. It's frankly disappointing your thing. I expected to see you turn into Sea Ponies, more the two song of Sia." Batman said.
"Who that?"
"He means Songbird Serenade." Superman explains. "By the way, Bruce, I've never seen you so disappointed at this point for a My Little Pony's movie ... are you a Bronie by chance?"
"WHAT? No it's false! I'm not! Ok?" Batman replies.
"Come on man, there's no shame in being a Bronie."
"I'm not a Bronie! Because I'm Batman!"