Ogres, Dronkeys and Bandicoots

Ogres, Dronkeys and Bandicoots is a crossover fanfiction short written by MarioFan65. It is a crossover between Shrek and Crash Bandicoot. It was released on March 5, 2023.

Characters[]

Shrek
Crash Bandicoot
Donkey
Coco Bandicoot
Fiona
Crunch Bandicoot
Puss in Boots
Tawna Bandicoot
Aku Aku
Dragon
Grumpy
Baby Crash
Baby Coco
Baby T.
Baby Cortex
Baby N. Tropy
Alternate Uka Uka

Transcript[]

(One day at the swamp, Shrek's family is hanging out with Crash's gang at the house by taking care of the ogre triplets and playing with Polar and Pura with lot of toys to play with)

Shrek: In a happy world in a happy life, come my babies!
Crash: Ah wee! *play with a plane toy*
Fiona: That's a lot of babysitting here.
Coco: Fun free day for everyone with no complaints.
Donkey: Who's the little baby? Who's the little baby? *make Fergus happy* Aw, you're so cute.
Crunch: So many diapers to change.
Tawna: I wouldn't be a mother if I were to raise a family of my own.
Polar: Ah. *chew on a ball*
Pura: Aw. *pat on a yarn*
Crash: *judge the balls to the ogre triplets* Ooh la la.
Puss in Boots: Ah ha. *cut a watermelon to make slices* I have a snack for you all.
Crash: Ah!
Donkey: Watermelon!
Aku Aku: Snack time folks. *he and everyone eat some watermelon slices together*
Crash: Eee he.
Coco: Tasty watermelons to fill up our mornings.
Crunch: Can't get no better.
Tawna: Chilly as in the summer time.
Shrek: Aw. I love these fruits so much as apples and pears.
Donkey: What about onions?
Shrek: Donkey, they're vegetables, not fruits.
Donkey: I thought they have layers, like pineapple.
Shrek: Do your research. You don't know what a onion is?
Fiona: Shrek, you know we all love onions and vegetables. They don't have to be fruits if they don't look like anything as a lettuce.
Shrek: I guess you're right. Not everything is a fruit you know.
Fiona: Anyways, who knew what a lavish could taste like if it was a fruit?
Puss in Boots: Amigos, think about all the flavor this treat has.
Shrek: I got seeds. Do we really have to eat the seeds.
Puss in Boots: You won't grow into a plant, silly.
Shrek: I'll rather be a tree than a watermelon if I have layers like onions.
Aku Aku: Any fruit is worth a try.
Coco: Same with a Wumpa fruit from the Wumpa Islands.
Crash: He he.
Aku Aku: You guys know what today is?
Donkey: Going fishing?
Aku Aku: No! I'm aware that today we have an important meeting in Far Far Away!
Shrek: A meeting in Far Far Away? Oh yeah! That's what we're going to.
Fiona: Queen Lillian got some important announcements and the future of Far Far Away regarding on our government system.
Donkey: How long is the meeting?
Aku Aku: It should be like about two hours.
Donkey: Two hours?! Man, that's crazy! I'm ain't staying here for two hours when I got kids to take care of and food to prepare to feed for the babies!
Shrek: Every meeting is like that! It's not the end of the world Donkey and it's not the end of the day. Chill out and you'll be fine having to sit through a meeting for two hours.
Donkey: Well, I got kids to watch and I'm not leaving until someone watch my kids when I'm gone.
Shrek: We have kids too. But who's gonna take care of all of them?
Coco: I don't know. All of us is going to the meeting and we can't have the kids, whining and crying while begging for food and milk.
Tawna: I can't miss all the new conference when we got babies begging for everything they want like diapers and yarns. That's a big no.
Crash: Huh?
Crunch: Can the knights babysit the kids?
Aku Aku: Uh, not really. All the knights are on duty, watching over while guarding through the hallways, lobby and throne room. They can't babysit and do guard duty at the same time while at work.
Coco: Oh, what are we gonna do about them?
Fiona: It's okay. We can figure this out together. It's no rush.
Shrek: How about a nursing room?
Fiona: Shrek.
Shrek: What? They're not gonna be with a bunch of elders, having to hold on to their canes and sticks while walking for ten minutes.
Aku Aku: *read a flyer of a job fair going on* Guys. There's a job fair going on in the forest. Every business is here at the booth to apply everyone to get jobs. We know what's going on.
Shrek: What? We already have jobs. We work for the queen at Far Far Away.
Puss in Boots: I was a bounty hunter, security guard, and a leche milker for all my life. Also serving drinks in a bar back at Del Mar in Spain.
Aku Aku: No! I didn't say to everyone to get jobs. There is a job fair going on and we need to set up a booth to apply everyone who can babysit the kids while we're gone. Isn't that easy?!
Shrek: How will we give everyone jobs when babysitting the kids? We are good babysitters, Aku Aku. We don't need to give them jobs as babysitters.
Crash: Ooh.
Fiona: He meant, hiring a babysitter who can babysit the kids when we're out somewhere.
Shrek: I know what a babysitter is!
Aku Aku: Why not go set up a booth at the job fair to hire anybody who can be a babysitter.
Shrek: Just for one day? But we don't have enough time to babysit the kids when we have a meeting to occur right now.
Fiona: The meeting only starts once we show up, Shrek.
Shrek: Oh. I thought we were going to be late as getting on the city bus for work.
Coco: Where is the job fair being held?
Aku Aku: In the forest.
Shrek: The forest? It must have been the same place where Lord Farquaad used to exile those fairy tale creatures close to my home and where they were being taken in wagons and cages.
Donkey: I am still mad about the whole exile thing before we were given a better place in Far Far Away.
Tawna: Let's go and hire them some jobs in the booth.
Coco: Right behind you.
Puss in Boots: I wonder who will be the babysitter for the babies once we're out.
Crunch: We also got pets to take care of. I know the babysitter can feed the pets while we're out. Any suggestions?
Aku Aku: We'll discuss more in the booth.
Crunch: Okay. I get ya.

(At the fairy tale job fair in a forest, various fairy tale creatures are walking around the fair, searching for jobs in the booths as Shrek and Crash's gang walk around the fair on where to set up a booth there)

Director Dwarf: *hold a microphone* Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the Fairy Tale Job Fair! I hope you all enjoy exploring around the fair, looking for jobs to get and be sure to dressed nicely and clean for your upcoming interviews in order to get hired! Happy searching!
Shrek: Alright. Now where to set up a booth?
Fiona: They got a wheel of fortune. Want to spin a wheel to pick the right job?
Shrek: No! We're not getting jobs. We already have jobs. I asked to make a booth to apply people for babysitting.
Coco: We were just offering you. They got fun and games to play while we're at it.
Crash: Ooh.
Shrek: There is no time for activities and I need to search for the right spot to set up my booth, now! Oh, people these days are driving me crazy.
Puss in Boots: Señor, it's okay. There is time to find a place to set up a table as long you don't panic as in a rush.
Shrek: I guess you're right Puss. I wonder what is the right place to set up a booth there?
Tawna: I found a spot next to a booth where people are getting jobs as painters. *point at a spot next to a paint job booth*
Shrek: There it is! Let's go set up the booth right here! *he and everyone head to the spot*
Crash: Uh?
Donkey: Are we gonna stand and wait for people to come?
Shrek: No. We need a promotion. To promote the job for people to babysit.
Coco: But how?
Crunch: Ask him. Maybe he can lend you a table.
Shrek: Excuse me, can we borrow one of your tables? We're setting up a booth here, if you don't mind.
Painter Dwarf: Oh sure. Don't spread any paint on it while we offer some jobs to people. *lend a table to Shrek*
Shrek: Thank you. Hope this baby works. *open up a table* Perfect. *place down the table* What now?
Coco: Chairs?
Shrek: Uh oh. I forgot the chairs!
Aku Aku: No worries. There are plenty of free chairs to use since there is a convention on stage going on. *use magic to pass out the chairs to the gang*
Shrek: Sweet. All we need is some paper.
Aku Aku: Good call. *use magic to create some papers with a application on babysitting*
Shrek: Alright! Now we're getting to business.
Fiona: This better work as a deal.
Shrek: Can't be a deal without a promise.
Crash: *search for any people to come at the booth* Ooh? Ah! Aw.
Coco: It's alright Crash. We'll get people to come over and babysit the kids.
Fiona: Hopefully the babies will enjoy having to be watched by a babysitter once we go out.
Crunch: It will be sweet to take a break on taking care of the babies for a while.
Shrek: *sit and wait* What's taking so long? Can't people just look for more booth and just come to ours who have not seen a booth before just yet? Especially when they come over the first time or just got here.
Aku Aku: We needed a little promotion. *fly over to the director dwarf* Mind as well give us a promotion on our booth for babysitting.
Director Dwarf: Sure. Anything can be a promotion.
Aku Ak: Do it.
Director Dwarf: *hold a microphone* Attention everyone! The job booth for babysitting is now open! Get in line and apply for a job to babysit!
Shrek: It worked!
Aku Aku: Told you it was going to work out.
Donkey: *see many people lined up for babysitting* They're here! They're really here!
Puss in Boots: Perfect-o! Like a chef's kiss on a strawberry chef. *blow a kiss*
Crash: He he.
Coco: Step right up and apply now to babysit!
Shrek: Thank you all for coming. Who are you? And what is your name?
Granny: Hi. My name is Wilda. And I am known for kitting some mittens and clothing.
Shrek: Huh? Are you going to teach my kids to kit while we're gone?
Granny: Is this the booth for a nursing home?
Shrek: No. You're in the wrong place. Next!
Granny: Oh well. I'll go get a job at a hair stylish then. *walk off*
Shrek: Weirdo. What now?
Top Guy: Hello. The name's Ben. Say. You got some nice details on your shirt. What are you? Some kind of orc?
Shrek: I'm a ogre! This is the booth to apply people on babysitting, not to perform on a stylish competition! Don't you got anywhere to go?
Top Guy: How old are the kids?
Shrek: *annoyed* Ugh. Next.
Top Guy: Forget it. I'm getting a job at a clothing store.
Shrek: Puny. *look down* What?
Baby Mommy: Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
Shrek: What?
Baby Mommy: Mmmmmm.
Shrek: Hello? Down here. Talk to me. Are you going to apply for what?
Baby Mommy: Mmm.
Shrek: *slam table* Ugh! You can get a job if you don't start making gibberish noise! Get out of here! You're wasting the line here. Next!
Baby Mommy: Mmm. *walk off*
Fiona: Maybe you should stop being so grumpy in exasperation and find the best role for someone to get the job.
Shrek: Okay! I'll try my best to stop acting so bitterness and just focus on the right person. Hello?
Hip Dwarf: Yo! What's up? The name's Henry.
Shrek: The what?
Hip Dwarf: Henry's the name and got my cool old classic style. Yahoo!
Shrek: What is wrong with you? Can you tell about yourself?
Hip Dwarf: I'm a good person. I'm the best at communicating, singing hip-hop, and doing the yoga moga. Hoo hoo hoo! I'm fit for the job, am I right?
Shrek: No! I don't like professionals I don't trust when they get things wrong and make a mess in the job. Out! Next!
Hip Dwarf: Jeez, you got a pity attitude there. I'm out. Goodbye.
Shrek: Such a waste of time? Could the other candidates be worse than this guy? *deal with any of the other people applying for the babysitting job*
Old Guy: I can hold over a box of apples.
Jerk Guy: I got my stash on my back! Give me a stash on the back.
Toy Guy: I sell toys.
Bird Guy: I take card of birds.
Guy in Frog Costume: Do you have any frogs or toads in your jar?
Cupcake Guy: Do you feel cupcakes?
Shrek: No! Wrong! No! Next! No! *facepalm* Why can't I pick the right person for the job?
Fiona: You just tried. But you scared those candidates off.
Shrek: It's not my fault I scared them out! They were not the best type to pick for the babysitting job.
Aku Aku: You should have use your words wisely to order to feel calm and pick the right person.
Crash: Ooh?
Coco: I guess no one is interested. Who is going to babysit the kids while we're gone?
Donkey: Even no one ate the waffles I cooked. Look like I'll eat them myself. *eat the waffles* Yummy and chewy.
Puss in Boots: You really tried your best to give the candidate a babysitting job, didn't you?
Shrek: Yeah and it's not good.
Crunch: Every person lined up, preparing to get the job, and did not get the job as promise.
Tawna: Let's just go. The whole job fair has been a waste since this half-hour.
Shrek: Alright. Now where do I start packing?
Grumpy: *show up* Where's the sign?
Shrek: Ah! Last candidate. It's a short one. It's on my table!
Aku Aku: Maybe the applications for babysitting isn't over yet.
Grumpy: What is this?
Shrek: Um, a job application for babysitting? You're in the right place?
Grumpy: Hmm... Where's the baby?
Shrek: What baby?
Grumpy: Don't you got kids to take care of?
Shrek: I have ogre triplets. Well, we have an important meeting to go to in Far Far Away. Would you like to babysit my kids while we go off to Far Far Away to see Queen Lillian?
Coco: We also got Polar and Pura for you to take care off while we're gone.
Polar: Ya.
Pura: Ah.
Grumpy: They don't look like babies to me.
Coco: They are. Also, they're cubs.
Crunch: Cub is another word for baby, you know, for the animals that act like a carnivore.
Grumpy: Huh? You think I'll take care of your pets for a promotion for a living?!
Tawna: Give us a chance. We're on a tight schedule right now.
Grumpy: Um... uh... hmm... fine. How do I sign?
Shrek: *give the application to Grumpy* Sign this. You'll get the job right this corner.
Grumpy: Ok. *sign the paper* Name's Grumpy. I came from Lohr. Reside at Snow White's place and babysitter for few babies. Done.
Shrek: Ah. Name's Grumpy. Wait a minute. Did I know you from somewhere?
Grumpy: Say the one who roar at people during hunts.
Shrek: Ah ha! I know who you are! Why were you following me?
Grumpy: I don't know. I need a job.
Shrek: For crying out loud. You can't handle babies right!
Grumpy: Don't even say it.
Fiona: Shrek, just let him handle the job.
Aku Aku: Queen Lillian is worried sick. We need to go now.
Shrek: Ugh! Fine! Alright! I learned my lesson. You're hired. You're now a babysitter.
Grumpy: Great. Hope I do a good job taking care of kids and make a lot of money.
Crash: *give out a peace sign* He he.
Shrek: I don't even trust you, but I'm giving you a chance.
Grumpy: Why do you have to be so grumpy.
Aku Aku: Our ride may be arriving shortly. So let's hold on our horses and pack our bags.
Donkey: *see Dragon land with the Dronkeys* There goes my baby!
Dragon: Aw.
Grumpy: Whoa! That is one big dragon!
Donkey: Dragon! Baby! What's up? *hug Dragon and see the Dronkey* My babies! What's up.
Coco: Donkey's kids are joining too?
Crunch: They might be here for a little play date of theirs.
Donkey: Debbie, Coco, Bananas, Peanut, Parfait and Eclair. How are you all doing? *his dronkeys flame breath at him* I like it.
Aku Aku: Flaming hot. That is very hot.
Donkey: Are you kids coming along, eh?
Coco: They might have to stay too with the ogre triplets.
Fiona: We'll leave them back at the swamp and we'll go to the kingdom.
Shrek: That's right. Guess the ogre triplets, the dronkeys and the pets will be staying back at my place for the babysitter to watch them over.
Crash: Ooh.
Grumpy: That's a whole lot of babies to take care of.
Coco: Oh well. We got the right person to hire.
Crunch: May look small, but in good shape to babysit.
Tawna: He doesn't look that bad to me.
Shrek: Oh brother. What could possibly go wrong in a day? It's just one of those days.

(Shrek and Crash's gang ride with the dragon to head back to the swamp in Shrek's house to leave the ogre triplets, the pets and the dronkeys before heading off to Far Far Away as Grumpy is about to take care of the babies)

Grumpy: I remember this place.
Shrek: You know. This is my place. You're gonna behave over there and you're gonna do what I told you to do on the list.
Grumpy: Like babysitting? That's what you put me in position?
Shrek: Exactly! I better not see a diaper or a pee spill on the floor or else!
Fiona: Shrek. Let him do the job while we go.
Shrek: I don't care about him. He's not my problem.
Aku Aku: Then why did you hire this guy in the first place?
Shrek: I got no other choice, but to pick the right choice to babysit the young ones.
Grumpy: Prove it.
Shrek: Oh man. What am I going to do with you?
Fiona: You just pick him for the job. There is no need to worry.
Shrek: This guy always get on my nerves. It's like I can't stand this guy whenever he's around in Far Far Away.
Fiona: At least, he's not another Donkey.
Donkey: Ah!
Puss in Boots: Can't say a word or two.
Coco: Alright babies and pets. I want you all to be on your best behavior. Make sure you all keep the swamp clean as always.
Tawna: We'll be back in two hours after the meeting is over.
Crunch: We'll be back by lunch time.
Shrek: Alright. Get on the dragon and we'll hit the towers!
Crash: *he and everyone hop on the dragon* Ooh-wee!
Coco: Let's fly!
Donkey: Bye my kids. I'll be back. Promise I make blueberry waffles for you when I get back. Okay? Ride on, baby!
Dragon: Aw. *take off with everyone*
Grumpy: Oh great. Now I have some babysitting business to take care of. What can I do first?

(At Shrek's house, Grumpy take care of the ogre triplets while changing their diapers and feeding them milk while Polar and Pura chase the Dronkeys over a yarn ball)

Grumpy: You got some serious cleaning to do. That is a lot of baloney in here. *cover his nose* Gross. Just gross. *throw the diapers in the garbage and replace new ones on the ogre triplets* Much better. *get pee'd by one of the ogre triplets* Seriously? Just seriously.
Polar: Aw. *chase the dronkeys*
Pura: Aw! *bite the yarn ball*
Grumpy: Hey! Don't touch that! That is bad manners in my book! *grab the yarn ball* Why did you bite when you're suppose to chew on a dog bone? *hear the ogre triplets cry* Oh my lord buns. *hold the ogre triplets* No more crying. Now knock it out. Only a newborn baby would cry when they're about in the age of one. *the ogre triplets hit him with sticks* I hate my life. *put powder on the ogre triplets' butts* There. That would prevent all the poopy from coming through. *see Polar pee on the floor* Hey! I just clean that! *clean the floor with a napkin* There. *see Pura spit out hairball* Seriously? Hairball? On the floor? Not even a lap cat would do that!
Pura: Aw. *sleep*
Grumpy: I'm gonna freak out if this happens again.

(Over an hour, Grumpy take care of the ogre triplets many times by rocking on the chair, feeding them baby food, reading a story, making baby food on the bowl and feeding them and taking care of the pets as well Polar and Pura. Afterwards, the babies go to sleep as Grumpy is about to yawn and take a break from all the babysitting in the world.)

Grumpy: Thank god. All of this babysitting is done. Now wait for the ogres and jackals to show up so I can get paid with big bucks of money. *see a remote* What is this? *hold a remote* This doesn't look like a baby product to me. Someone left it in the middle of the table. Is this science related product? What does it do? *press the remote as the laptop analyze the world and open up a portal* Someone forgot to turn off the laptop when they left! What do they have on? A world map system to track down the places like New York and Columbia? Never more the places Russia would always track down in kingdom wars. *see Baby Crash and Baby Coco pop out of the portal*
Baby Crash: Ah!
Baby Coco: Ah ha ha.
Grumpy: What in the world is this?
Felicia, Fergus and Farkle: *laugh* Aw ha ha.
Grumpy: What do you want? Isn't the other world this way from where you come out of the hole.
Baby Crash: *hold a Wumpa fruit* Ah.
Baby Coco: *play with her phone* Ah ha ha.
Grumpy: I can't believe you. Playing with your own toys, huh? *see Baby T. emerge from the portal*
Baby T.: *roar* Rawr!
Grumpy: Holy poison apples! Is that a dinosaur?! Back off! Stay away you are! You are just as bad as a raptor!
Baby T.: Ta ha! *see the dronkeys and play with them*
Grumpy: I'm gonna go coo-coo crazy on this one. Why is malarkey trying to ruin my day more than bad appetizers in bad restaurants?
Baby Crash: *play with a yarn ball* Ah.
Baby Coco: *play with a stick* Eee he he.
Polar: *try to roar* Rawr! *cover his mouth*
Pura: Ah. *rip up some papers*
Grumpy: *see the ogre triplets crying* You made the ogre triplets cry! Look what you done?! *take care of ogre triplets by making them sleep* Rock a bye baby, sleep tight like a mother, don't let the big fear wolf come to haunt you, and you will lay an egg like a golden goose. I hate nursey rhymes and fairy tale songs. So much malarkey to ruin my day like radio stations that play the same songs over and over again.
Polar: Grr. *fight Baby T.*
Pura: Aw! *jump on the pillows*
Baby Crash: *throw the balls at the wall* Ah ah ooga booga Aku Aku!
Baby Coco: Ah ha ha! *rip up a paper*
Grumpy: *drop the ogre triplets on the bed* Okay, that's it! Baby play time is over! It's time to go to bed and- *step on the baby toys* Oh. *step on a rubberband ball* My. *step on a cup* Lord. Why do I never get the job done in time before the parent come and complain about the mess? *hear the babies and pets crying* Ugh! No no no! Stop! I tried to make you all happy! But you're all crying! Enough! How about a Jack-in-a-Box to cheer you all up. *use a Jack-in-a-Box to scare the babies and cry again* This ain't going to work out. I'm done and outta here! *try to leave as he hear a evil laugh* Huh?
Baby Crash: *see Baby Cortex show up from a portal* Uh oh.
Baby N. Tropy: *see Baby N. Tropy show up from a portal* Baby Cortex and Baby N. Tropy are here!
Baby Cortex: *laugh* Ah ha ha ha ha! I am back for revenge! What does this place remind me of the home of the bandicoots?
Baby N. Tropy: This isn't the bandicoots' home you doofus! We're in a rotten smelly house you deaf coof!
Baby Cortex: Why didn't you give me the right address to get to the house you son of a time baby god.
Alternate Uka Uka: *emerge from a portal* RAWR! WHY DIDN'T YOU WAIT FOR ME LIKE I PROMISE!
Grumpy: Great. Just great! A evil Magic Mirror appearing out of nowhere if it weren't for the Evil Queen's sneaky tricks.
Baby N. Tropy: Oh! Mr. Uka Uka. I didn't see you here. My lord.
Alternate Uka Uka: YOU BETTER HAVE A EXCUSE TO MAKE UP YOUR MISTAKES, OR ELSE!
Baby Cortex: I feel so exaggerated that the worlds haven't been in full chaos since the Fake Crashes begin causing havoc in the prehistoric era.
Alternate Uka Uka: Hmm. What do we have here? *sniff at Grumpy* You don't look like a simpleton, are you?
Grumpy: Why are you out of your mirror?
Alternate Uka Uka: Cause I look angry and gorgeous?
Grumpy: None of your business, stage mask.
Alternate Uka Uka: Forget you. I've been trying to target and track down the bandicoots from our world since we have been stuck in time for ages! *track down Baby Crash and Baby Coco* Ah ha! I knew you guys were hiding all along in this place. I got something to make up in your minds.
Baby Crash: *grumpy* Da da da, bad mask!
Baby Coco: You leave my brother Crash alone, angry mask.
Baby Cortex: Heh heh heh. Surrender to Baby Cortex, now!
Baby N. Tropy: Things are going to prevail now. And you will see the fate of your lives. It's time for free time!
Alternate Uka Uka: Play time is over, barnacle heads! *shoot lasers everywhere as everyone run around the place*
Grumpy: No no no! Not this time! *see the mess being made on the floor, wall and rooms* Stop it! My boss is gonna kill me if you make the mess more worse!
Baby Cortex: Say what?
Baby N. Tropy: Who is this boss you speak with? Papu Papu?
Grumpy: I don't know a Papu Papu. Snow White! I mean... Shrek.
Alternate Uka Uka: *confuse* A lab scientist named Sherick?
Grumpy: No! Shrek!
Baby Cortex: A Shrek?
Baby N. Tropy: You mean the babies? *point at the ogre triplets as the babies laugh*
Grumpy: That's Shrek's kids, you kiddos. Now back off the babies or I'll release the milk squirt on you!
Alternate Uka Uka: Give me the babies now so I can make booger shampoo out of them!
Grumpy: *throw the toys at Alternate Uka Uka* No, no, no! You are not going after the babies of Shrek! *make the ogre triplets laugh* Don't worry babies. Your daddy will show up to scare them away shortly.
Baby Crash: Grrr.
Baby Cortex: So you wanna fight? Let's fight business.
Baby Coco: Take it easy you slowpokes.
Baby N. Tropy: You're messing with the timeline here, Coco! *fight the bandicoots with Baby Cortex*
Baby Cortex: *try to hit Baby Crash* Get over here! You ruined my life at the other world. Grr!
Baby Crash: *slam Baby Cortex* Ah da da!
Baby Coco: *slap Baby N. Tropy* Enough is enough!
Baby N. Tropy: No! You're wasting my time! You're a bad girl!
Baby Coco: And you're a bad boy too! *push Baby N. Tropy to the pillows*
Baby N. Tropy: *cries* Wah! Mommy! I want chocolate! Mommy, I want to get the heck out of here!
Grumpy: *dodge the hits from Alternate Uka Uka* You're not gonna fudge around with the kids, are you?
Alternate Uka Uka: Oh sure. If I may. I summon the Fake Crashes to come here and make a mess! *summon the Fake Crashes from the prehistoric timeline to make a mess in the room* Oh, I almost forgot, the leader isn't here since he is too busy taking care of a Triceratop baby back home. In the meantime, let's brawl!
Grumpy: Oh my lord. What will I do now?
Polar: *fight off a Fake Crash* Ya!
Pura: *scratch a Fake Crash: Gah!
Dronkeys: *burn off the Fake Crashes* Ah!
Baby Cortex: No no no! How dare you scare off the minions like that?
Baby N. Tropy: You all should be ashamed of yourselves! This is despicable and a outrage!
Baby Crash: Ha ha.
Baby Coco: New song mode coming up to make you all dance and go back to your world. *check her song playlist on her phone*
Baby Cortex: What are you doing?
Baby Coco: Just playing the song to make you all go away. There! *play "Push-It" by Salt-N-Pepa on her phone*
Baby Crash: Uh?
Baby N. Tropy: What the what is that?
Baby Cortex: No! This is a outrage! The most powerful song in the world is making us drive insane! Make it stop!
Felicia, Fergus and Farkle: *dance to the song* Ah da.
Grumpy: What is this song?
Alternate Uka Uka: AURGH! The song! It's killing my ear bones!
Baby Coco: You heard me.
Polar: *dance to the song* Ah.
Pura: *shake his butt* Ah.
Baby T.: *dance to the song* Ta ta he!
Baby Cortex: *see the Fake Crashes dancing to the song through the portal* Wait a minute. The fight is not over yet! Don't go! You will pay for your misery and make you all eat dinosaur stew for dinner all day!
Baby N. Tropy: Let's get outta here! Go!
Alternate Uka Uka: Curses! You will all pay! All of you! We will be back and the next time we show up, you will all be sorry for your mistakes!
Baby Coco: Get out of here, all of you. And don't come back!
Baby Cortex: We will be back. And I'm watching you all. Get us out of this place! Ugh! *he, Baby N. Tropy and Alternate Uka Uka escape to the portal as the portal closes down*
Baby Crash: *cheer* Ah ha!
Baby Coco: We did it Crash. We drove away the evil Cortex gang. High five! *high five Baby Crash*
Grumpy: And my work here is done. Thank goodness.
Ogre Triplets: *play with the toys* Ah.
Grumpy: My babies. I could never let you all down on a single fight.
Baby T.: *play with a yarn ball* Ah.
Polar: *eat a chicken nugget* Pa.
Pura: Ah. *sit on a pillow*
Dronkeys: *blow a fire on the yule log* Ah.
Grumpy: Yeah right. This about it. *realize the place is a mess* Oh breads crumbs. What have they done to the place. What will the owners think of the mess when they show up? Shrek is gonna kill me when he see this. I better clean this mess quick before they show up again! *rush and clean up the place as well sweeping the floor, cleaning the walls, fixing the beds and taking care of the babies and pets at the same time* Ah. Now clean as always. Hope that works out when the owners see the clean place as they promised.

(Shrek and Crash's gang return to the swamp with the dragon as the gang get off the dragon and return to the home by taking a deep breath and exhaling on a nice beautiful swamp)

Crash: Ah.
Shrek: Ah. It's good to be home.
Fiona: That was a quick meeting by the way.
Donkey: Thankfully, it's finally over!
Coco: Who knew Queen Lillian would be so kind to give us all these bells after the meeting?
Tawna: So cool. I like it.
Shrek: *see Grumpy at the door* Oh, hey Grumpy. How you doing?
Grumpy: Pretty awkward at least.
Shrek: Say. Aren't you suppose to be babysitting?
Grumpy: Um, yes. I was. Until-
Shrek: I know I wouldn't trust you standing on the door by doing nothing. Let me see!
Fiona: Shrek.
Crunch: What you doing?
Grumpy: Dude, please be so kind before we get angry at the wrong person.
Shrek: I told you to go and- *see the house being clean* Oh my. It's clean.
Aku Aku: Did you really clean the whole place while we're gone?
Grumpy: Yes. Being a babysitter is not that and I want to go home right now.
Shrek: Oh my. Looking perfect as always. That's what a ogre's home should always look like in real life by the picture.
Fiona: *see the ogre triplets* Babies. We're home. *take care of the ogre triplets*
Shrek: Yeah. I can see Polar and Pura smiling and waving like always. *see Baby Crash, Baby Coco and Baby T.* And what the? What are you all doing?
Baby Crash: Pa?
Baby Coco: Hello.
Shrek: Grumpy, where did these strangers come from?!
Grumpy: It was a long story while you were gone. A bunch of babies came from another world and made a mess in which I have to clean everything from scratch.
Shrek: What did I told you about inviting strangers to my place?
Grumpy: Uh, it was all the angry mask's idea that came here and make a fuss in the swamp.
Shrek: *realize* Uka Uka. I knew he would show up again with his army.
Baby Coco: That was our Uka Uka you're referring to along with Cortex and N. Tropy.
Donkey: Were you mad on the day we moved to your swamp when the lord of Duloc exile us all here?
Coco: Hey, it's our baby counterparts. We didn't expect to see them here in the swamp.
Crash: *hold Baby Crash* Ah.
Baby Crash: *burp* Oop!
Tawna: *hold Baby Coco* Where did you guys come from?
Aku Aku: I knew they were going to show up at some point in the multiverse to come out and play.
Fiona: Didn't know you have baby versions of yourselves.
Coco: It's true. We met them a while back when we were racing in time for the Grand Prixs.
Baby Coco: We remember!
Shrek: That Uka Uka is no good and you know, he always going to be back to target against us and our swamp.
Fiona: And people like Cortex, N. Tropy and Rumpelstiltskin, they're always up to no good and will be here when they have the chance to return.
Crunch: How did the babysitter do on the job?
Grumpy: Real good I say.
Baby T.: Ah?
Shrek: Very good. You know, we hate each other and get along with each other every time we see among ourselves on Far Far Away.
Grumpy: Good. Now will you give me my payback and get me out of this swamp?
Shrek: I got you something else. *give a moneybag to Grumpy* Take this moneybag and leave now! I don't want to see your boring face ever again!
Grumpy: You were going to make a pinkie promise by the time I behave good on the swamp.
Shrek: No! Out! Never again come back here to annoy me over my babies!
Felicia, Fergus and Farkle: *laugh at Grumpy* Ah ha ha.
Grumpy: Great. Now I'm outta here. See you all back at Far Far Away. *leave the house*
Shrek: Good. So he don't have to annoy me and ruin my fun day in annoyance.
Fiona: Shrek, he was doing his job. You don't have to like him if you stop taking him seriously.
Donkey: He ain't look that bad as a babysitter.
Puss in Boots: He's a nice guy in real life.
Shrek: It's okay to not like someone people know and like on. Not everybody is gonna like you and that's part of life.
Aku Aku: And not everyone is gonna dislike you, Shrek. You know, we love you and always being courage to protect a family at heart.
Shrek: I just need to move on with the bad days and let it go by going into the good days.
Coco: So, how long you guys are gonna stay for?
Baby Coco: We'll stay here as long the sun goes down.
Coco: Alright. Let's go celebrate with the pets and babies!
Crunch: Yeah! A celebration fun in the making!
Baby T.: Rawr!
Crash: He he.
Baby Crash: Aw.
Fiona: *hold the ogre triplets with Shrek* Still living happily ever after in the swamp.
Shrek: We know what we're gonna do today.

(The background song "Losing Streak" by Eels play as Shrek and Crash's gang celebrate by playing with the babies and pets. Shrek with a safety pin in his mouth is doing his best at changing diapers. He twists the diaper around and the baby goes flying off screen and lands in a diaper that Fiona is holding. She smiles at Shrek. Polar, Pura and Baby T. play with a yarn ball as Baby Crash and Baby Coco squirt at the milk against each other with Aku Aku using magic to clean the floors. Puss sits next to Baby Crash that has a pacifier in his mouth. He takes the Puss' mouth and gives Puss a big hug. Baby Coco crawling into frame and starts to tug on Puss' tail. A tug of war ensues. The babies are bathing in a pot of water One of the babies farts in the water as Shrek comes in and scoops them up. Shrek laughs. Donkey is playing "peek-a-boo" with his ears by making the babies laugh.)

Donkey: Peek-a-boo. Peek-a-boo.
Baby Crash: Ah ha ha.
Baby Coco: I see you.

(Felicia pulls a ear wax from Shrek's ear as Felicia uses the wax to draw squiggly lines on a piece of paper as well Polar, Pura and Baby T. making a drawing featuring them. Crunch and Tawna bounce on the babies in their laps as a knock is heard on the floor for Shrek to get it.)

Fiona: Someone's knocking.
Shrek: I'll go get it. *walk to the door and open it to reveal the baby mommy* Huh?
Baby Mommy: Mmm mmm mmm.
Shrek: Uh... never mind. *close the door and see the baby mommy climb through the window* Hey!
Baby Coco: *meet baby mommy* Hey, I see a new pet to play with!
Baby Crash: Play with the baby!
Baby Coco: *play with the baby mommy* Ah ha ha!

(A "slip `n slide" made out of mud shot from geysers is open as Shrek and Crash's gang celebrate by slipping and sliding in the mud by playing with mud at each other)

Crash: Wee!
Shrek: Oh ho ho!
Coco: I got the mud fever!
Fiona: Smell that mud with ya!
Donkey: I got a mud pool with me! *jump on the mud pool*
Puss in Boots: Ha ha ha.
Crunch: I feel like a pig.
Tawna: You act like a pig!
Aku Aku: *play with the mud* Ooga booga!
Baby Mommy: *she and the babies spray mud at each other with Polar, Pura and Baby T.* Mmm mmm mm.

(After the fun, they head back inside of the house as Shrek and Fiona are diapering two of the babies in perfect unison. They continue diapering, Fiona holds up the third baby and Shrek holds up a baby mommy in confusion.)

Shrek: Huh?
Baby Mommy: Mmm.

(Shrek grabs a gourd bottle off of a shelf. He tosses it to Fiona. Fiona stands holding one baby over her shoulder. She catches the gourd thrown to her, twirls it around, lifts up her leg where another baby is perched on her foot and puts the gourd in the baby's mouth. Shrek and Crash are burping a baby over their shoulders with Baby Crash burping. Fiona has a baby over her shoulder and the baby burps. A Dronkey sitting on a chair does a flame-belch and an ogre baby crawling by farts which causes a flame thrower effect into the fireplace.

Crunch: That's a load of fire in the log cabin!
Tawna: That is one yule log right here.
Aku Aku: Plus-a-delic.

(At night, Shrek and Crash's gang wave goodbye at Baby Crash, Baby Coco and Baby T. as a portal open up for them to leave the world)

Shrek: Goodbye, thank you for coming.
Crash: Ah ha.
Aku Aku: We'll miss you all.
Baby Crash: Da da.
Baby T.: Rawr!
Baby Coco: Okay! Let's go! *she and her gang jump to the portal*
Aku Aku: *see the portal closes down* Ah. So many good times with them.
Donkey: *yawn* I'm kinda tired.
Puss in Boots: Me too.
Shrek: Let's go to sleep.
Fiona: Sure thing.

(Shrek and Crash's gang head to the house and sleep as the babies, Donkey, Puss in Boots, Polar and Pura head to bed along with the others on their own bed)

Crash: Ah.
Coco: Peacefully quiet.
Shrek: Goodnight.
Fiona: You too. *sleep as the ogre triplets start crying* Shrek.
Shrek: I'll take care of it. *take care of the ogre triplets* Come here. Who's the big daddy? Who want their diaper changed? Who's the big daddy?
Crash: Aw.
Coco: Crash, sleep.
Crash: Aw.
Shrek: One day Crash. You'll be a great babysitter.
Aku Aku: And now, lights now. Finally. *turn off the lights)

(Shrek and Crash's gang peacefully go to sleep at last in the swamp without any noise or babies crying at last)

THE END

Trivia[]

The title is a pun of the Shrek virtual life video game from 2007, Ogres & Dronkeys which is the main inspiration of the short.